Infantreflux.org | Why do most people just not get it!!

This topic has 10 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 19 years, 3 months ago by Anonymous.

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July 18, 2007 at 12:46 pm #39462

Anonymous
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I get so frustrated talking to co-workers about how Cooper is doing. My dh and I work for the same hospital system and I am only working maybe 3-4 days a month so when I work everyone asks me how he is doing. Well just yesterday I was talking to a co-worker who has a son about 5 weeks younger than Cooper and I was commenting on how the last few nights have been so much better in that I only have to get up 4 times (3 times to help back to sleep and 1 time to feed). His remark was “well I’m glad things are better” (said very sarcastically). His son is sleeping from 8p-4:30a feeds and then goes right back to sleep… well not all babies do that and I am just thankful that I am not getting up every 30 minutes like we had to do for so long. I hate people who act like the reflux isn’t the problem and that I am just an overprotective mom who can’t let her baby sleep… I wish that were the problem. He wakes up every 3-4 hrs usually and needs his paci… hopefully soon he will be able to find his paci at night so that I don’t have to get it for him…. but until then I will take my only getting up 3-4 times night and be thankful and I swear I will never ever point the finger at the parent the way he did at me…. It makes me furious.

July 18, 2007 at 4:14 pm #39473

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Argg… It’s so frustrating when you are judged as a parent by someone who’s never been in your place. I’m fortunate that no one said stupid and mean things to me when I was in the midst of the reflux nightmare, but no one, and I mean NO ONE understood. No one that is, but the wonderful women on this board. I guess you can’t really blame people who haven’t been there, but they should keep their rude comments and judgments to themselves. One day he may have a baby up all night and then he’ll say to himself, “Now I understand!”

About the pacifier…..I’ve had two babies hooked on the nuk at night, so I sure know what that’s like. Liza was a great sleeper from birth, but she became addicted to the nuk at about a year of age and at one point she was waking every hour for it. So out of desperation I sewed one onto her pajamas and that solved that problem! And I still get up once or twice a night to give Myles his nuk. I just don’t have the heart to take it away from him and I figure that he’s so good about going to bed and staying in bed that I can’t get too bent out of shape about helping him find his nuk once or twice a night. However, if it goes on much longer or he starts needing me more than twice a night I may sew one onto his pajams too. Mommy would like to get a full ngiht’s sleep at some point in her life.

July 18, 2007 at 6:21 pm #39483

Anonymous
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Beth, I keep complaining about that stuff, too. I’m learning, little by little, to ignore hurtful comments. They may not be hurtful to the person saying them, but to us, it’s a sensetive subject since we know the pain we’re going through as a family. A parent of a non-reflux baby WILL NEVER get it. I also have co-workers whose babies are just wonderful. Well, I’m happy for them (YEAH, RIGHT!). I got a reflux baby who put us through hell but I think that brough us even closer and I learned to read her finest cues. You’re doing a great job and don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.

July 18, 2007 at 6:39 pm #39484

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Like I said in another recent post—- those strangers who comment about reflux babies like it’s no big deal are just that —-STRANGERS to the world of reflux.

I had a “perfect” sleeper, eater, etc the first time around and I may have made those comments to others accidently. I must say I will never do that again! I had no idea what having a child with “issues” was like. I’ve learned!

July 19, 2007 at 9:06 am #39509

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I completely agree with Erica. I usually keep my comments to myself, but before Hailey was born, I often judged people silently. Whenever I heard of a baby not sleeping, I’d think it was the parents not teaching them well. Then along came Hailey to shut me up! It’s been a humbling experience, and I’ve learned to be a lot more open-minded and less judgmental of others. The truth is that you can’t understand what people are going through unless you’ve walked in their shoes. Try your best to ignore the ignorant, there’s not much else that you can do…. That, and spread the word. I’ve started a local support group for other moms who are having a hard time with reflux and in need of support. I don’t want anyone else to go through the lows that I went through at Hailey’s worst. And I try to correct wrong information whenever I have the inner strength. I think that getting the word out is the only way. HUGS.

July 24, 2007 at 11:58 pm #39839

Anonymous
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I know what you mean – most people just don’t GET it. At all. Zip. You are doing the best for your child and for yourself. I sometimes wish I could live in a bubble so as not to hear hurtful things. Big hugs to you. You are doing the best you can with what you have been given!! A refluxer. I did print out a sheet on reflux symptoms/signs for our Pastor at church as he really torked me off and I think he has a bit more compassion. Please know that WE are here for you and WE get it. I think 4 times a night is GREAT for a not-quite 6 month old with reflux. I only hope it gets better and better *quickly*!

July 25, 2007 at 9:02 am #39842

Anonymous
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Man oh man Beth do I understand how you feel. Whenever my “friends”ask how Kate’s doing and I give them the run-down, they act like I’m just an over-dramatic neurotic mom(the neurotic part is true )who is irritated with her laundry problem. Brenda’s right, WE get it and they are just really ignorant to the realities of having a reflux baby. We’re here for you!!!

July 30, 2007 at 1:19 am #40114

Anonymous
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sometimes I wonder which is worse though… those who obviously dont have a clue , or those who THINK they do and think they are helping you but really are just as annoying..lol…

either way.. no one understands like another reflux mommy… NO ONE

July 30, 2007 at 11:10 am #40140

Anonymous
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ummm—–i’m a little confused on this thread. are we talking about babies waking up because their reflux is not properly treated, or are we talking about babies waking up because they are relying on pacifiers?

July 30, 2007 at 12:54 pm #40146

Anonymous
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Beth, I know when Carson is bad, he takes the paci A LOT more than usual. Typically he can take it or leave it during the day. He does like it when he gets tired, but if he is bad, he NEEDS that paci. Once Cooper is better as far as the reflux, he should settle into a good nighttime sleep pattern. We let Carson lead the way and he seems to do quite well if nothing is bothering him (general cold, ears, stom virus, sinuses, in need of more meds). Kids usually have a 4 hour sleep pattern, but I found when Carson is *good* he sleeps much longer than that before waking.

I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, but how else will they GET it?? For some reason, we are exposed to this – maybe to be compassionate to someone years from now. I don’t know but feel bad that you are trying to do the best for your child and working on top of your bad nights – hugs to you!!

July 30, 2007 at 2:12 pm #40147

Anonymous
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Beth,

That makes me mad too. I’m a SAHM, but my husband was at work the other day and a lady was telling him how her newborn was almost sleeping through the night and asked him how his baby was doing at night. My husband told her that he still wakes 3-4 times, but that we feel his reflux is the root of the problem (he doesn’t take a pacifier), and they were “horrified” that at 9 months he isn’t sleeping through the night. He does great during the day, but at night he still seems bothered by reflux.

So, anyway, my husband didn’t try to say anything to her really and just said, “wow, that’s great” to end the conversation. We’re on our 4th child, so we now know that babies are all different in their sleep requirements and with reflux, they’re particularly unpredictable. We have had 2 good sleepers and 2 not so good sleepers – Caden happens to be one of our “not so good” sleepers.

Anyway, hang in there 🙂 We know what you’re going through, and at least you won’t be judged like that here. It’s great that we can come on here and people understand what we’re going through when no one else seems to understand.

Take care!
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