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This topic has 11 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 19 years, 1 month ago by Anonymous.

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October 6, 2007 at 1:02 am #43831

Anonymous
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life is a bit hectic as kevin gets the new plumbing ready in the “new” house and we try to figure out what to do with the stuff in the “old” house—-and trying to figure out which one we are calling “home”—and still calling the new house “grandma’s house”. my anxiety attacks are easing up—but i am still crying probably every day. i realized that i am grieving—–i am seeing all the changes in my life and i feel such an ache inside. i don’t know why change is so hard for me. i am moving back to my teenage neighborhood and will be attending the same church i went to when i was younger—-but so much has changed. people have moved, some have died. the church has been remodeled—my old grade school still sits there—-but it closed down years ago—-even before my mother retired from teaching. it has been almost 11 months since my step-father died. sammie said the house is creepy because grandpa died there.

we had such a good time as teenagers in that house—and so many family gatherings and christmas eve nativity pageants and talent shows with all the grandkids—-and i just keep thinking it was so long ago and now it is gone. i feel like i want to hold on to everything i can and i don’t know how to. i am feeling kind of stupid for being so emotional about this. i have gone all around my house and yard and videotaped things so i could remember them. i have taken alot of pictures, too.

daisy wrote me a letter and talked about how change is hard—-but also how change is really the only “constant” that we have. it is hard for her to realize she will be coming home from her mission to a different house—-she grew up in this house from the time she was almost 4 years old. she tells me all the time how wonderful i am—-but some times i think that the only amazing thing about me is that i haven’t slit my wrists yet. the other day i was crying in the car and when we got home, sylvia told me to stop crying because this was not a crying house.

October 6, 2007 at 6:45 am #43833

Anonymous
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BIG HUGS!!!!

October 6, 2007 at 2:06 pm #43836

hellbennt
Keymaster

oh christine, your daisy sounds like an amazing young woman! and sylvia, what a smart girl!

I tend to be nostalgic, too…do you keep a journal? or maybe letters to your children would help?

I hope you find some comfort…

love,

laura

October 6, 2007 at 9:36 pm #43860

Anonymous
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I am sorry you are feeling down.

It helps a lot to talk about it and to cry it out if you need to.

I do write in a journal and i find very relaxing as i feel i am talking to “somebody” and don’t have all the worries in my brian keeping me up at night and making me feel sad.

I hope you get use to your new house soon and start making memories there that you will love.

I moved from the Dominican Republic (the carribean) where iam from and ALL my family is there, to the USA b/c of my husband. I was soooo homesick for the longest time. My family and i are very close and my mom is old, so i felt so sad leaving. Fortunately, we talk a lot over the hone and i viist when i can. My mom came down to visit two months ago and that was such a blessing.

Best of luck to you

October 7, 2007 at 2:19 am #43870

Anonymous
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i pulled out my journal and wrote in it tonight. we havae moved some of the furniture over. tonight we brought sylvia’s birthday cake, ice cream and presents to the new house. i had put in some brighter lightbulbs and a couple more lamps. with most of the kids there, the lights brighter, the tv running and singing happy birthday to sylvia—it started to seem more like home.

i told my mother that i felt like i had lost her–she told me i would never lose her and to remember all the love in that house. i feel like i have clashed with my mother so much over the years—-and yet i think she is such a wonderful person, she has the best heart of anyone i know. she was always so patient—especially with the little grandchildren. i doubt i could count on all 10 fingers the number of times she has ever yelled at us—it just wasn’t her way—-and she had me as a difficult teenager, to boot—-and i was number 11 of 13 kids—mom had 6, dale had 7. when we moved to idaho there were 6 teen age girls all at once.—-i think the boys at church must have been thrilled.

October 7, 2007 at 10:01 am #43876

Anonymous
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Grieving is such a natural process. I think it’s a healthy sign that you recognize what’s going on and you’re trying to put it into words. This move will end up being a great thing for your family, I’m sure.

October 7, 2007 at 11:47 am #43881

hellbennt
Keymaster

christine,

you should write a book! or maybe just a blog, lol!

but really every post you write makes me curious to learn more…

it seems like such a ‘different’ life than what I know, although all of our lives are really very different…

so keep posting away! because I, for one, am fascinated.

and hopefully it helps you as it fascinates me, LOL!

October 7, 2007 at 1:37 pm #43887

Anonymous
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Christine! You are an amazing woman! You have nine children who sound very well rounded and mature! I would love to have more, but know that I am just not the right person for a house full of children! (I have zero organizational skills and I would probably lose someone) We are in your exact situation, we are buying my parents acreage next fall and I am soooooo excited to move “home”! I think you will make wonderful new memories and your children will too!

October 7, 2007 at 2:38 pm #43895

Anonymous
Inactive

Christine, I also really have trouble with change. Nothing really helps me much, I find it’s almost part of my personality. The only comfort that goes along with it for me, is remembering that eventually the new situation becomes the old, if you can understand what I mean. I guess that it gets easier with time. You’ll become more comfortable. You are such a strong person in the face of so many changes and difficult challenges going on in your life. Don’t sell yourself short. The amazing qualities of your children are a direct product of you… they wouldn’t be so great if you weren’t. I sincerely hope that life calms down for you soon so that you can relax and enjoy a little. HUGS.

October 8, 2007 at 9:33 am #43927

Anonymous
Inactive

I’m sorry that you’re having a hard time right now, Christine. I have a hard time with change too. I even felt sad when we traded our car in last year. I hope the move goes smoothly and that your new home will start feeling even more like home. I’m sure you’re always cherish the memories from your last home. Good luck with everything.

October 8, 2007 at 10:35 am #43934

Anonymous
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I agree with Laura, you should write a book! Writing always seems to help me through things, although lately I have had time for nothing!

I hope it all feels better soon, but feel free to vent and look to us for support during this transitional time!

October 8, 2007 at 12:22 pm #43937

Anonymous
Inactive

when i was younger i wanted to be a writer. i used to write alot of poetry and when we graduated, i was asked to write a poem for graduation and it was printed up on our graduation programs. they had me read the poem during the graduation ceremony with another gal playing guitar in the background. somehow life got so busy and i can hardly string two sentences together in my mind for writing—-maybe it will come back later when life gets a little hectic. hte only things i have written in years are a couple of songs for my kids on the guitar.

laura—answering your questions about my life DOES help me.

kevieb2007-10-08 12:22:58
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