Infantreflux.org | Anyone else being a marter?

This topic has 11 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 20 years, 6 months ago by Anonymous.

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April 1, 2006 at 10:56 pm #5181

Anonymous
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I have an issue. It is my issue not my son’s. It is mine. I feel like I am the only one who can take care of him. Even when my husband takes him I feel like he will not do it right and then when I take over his reflux will be worse the rest of the day so I basically never take a break.

I know I need one. I cry almost everyday at this point. Most of the time I know it is not logical but I still do. (On the upside I had a nervous breakdown crying fit on the phone with the GI office and it got me an appointment sooner!)

Sometimes it’s only a moderately bad day and I still cry. I think it is just exhaustion and stress and diappointment at what this experience has become. I feel like I am taking care of a disease all day. I love to take care of Tyler it is the disease that I hate to take care of. I just want things to be “normal” and when I can’t make that happen I get frustrated. In addition I just cannot stand to see him in pain any longer and I worry all the time about long term effects and developmental delays. It just tears me up and that is when I cry the most – because I just want to take it all away and I can’t.

It is also so cruel when things work for a while and you finally feel releif and hope and then it stops working and you are right back to square one. That is where we are at right now. In fact today the reflux is the worst he has ever had it. He is teething, having bowel movement issues, I don’t think he tolerated the Prune juice I gave him to fix the constipation and I think the Zantac is wearing off all at the same time.

I just can’t hear him cry or fuss in pain and not respond to it. Even if my husband takes him in the morning so I can sleep in – I hear him grunting( he does this with his arching) , crying, or fussy and I need to come downstairs and tend to him. I just can’t ignore it even though my husband is tending to him.

Thank god I decided to stay home and not take him to daycare. I would never get any work done.

I know I need to get over this. I just don’t know how. I think that I would be a little like this even if he was not a gerdling – the reflux just makes it worse.

Tommarow my husband is supposed to take him all day so I can have a day out of relaxtion. But I don’t want to go. He was the worst he has even been today and it makes me feel even more like I should be here with him. I feel so guilty when I am away from him. Like he needs me and I am not there.

I think I need counseling or drugs!

Thanks for listening.

April 2, 2006 at 12:10 am #5186

Anonymous
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Shelly,

Remember, in order to be a caretaker you have to take care of yourself first. If you are a mess, you can’t be strong for Tyler. I know it is hard to hand over your baby to someone else, especially if they are in pain, however it is daddy, the only other person in the world that loves Tyler as much as you! If you go out and refresh yourself even for a couple of hours, you will be amazed at how much better you will feel and how much more you can cope with. Babies also sometimes pick up on their mom’s stress and upset. Let dad take him for awhile. I know it will be hard, Dad’s always do things different and it may not be as efficient as you would do it, but I am sure he will call you if he needs anything. He won’t let Tyler be in pain or upset. You need to take care of you in order to be a better mom. Maybe get a tape or cd of relaxation sounds or white noise and don’t even leave the house. Lock yourself in the bathroom and take a hot bath with a good book and put on the music so you can’t hear anything else. Just escape and unwind a bit. Then come out/home take a deep breath and give Tyler a great big hug! Hang in there! It will get better! Have you tried Mylanta? Also you may want to look into a ppi! Good luck! Let us know how the GI appt goes!

April 2, 2006 at 12:37 am #5187

Anonymous
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Two words…

RED WINE,

April 2, 2006 at 3:18 am #5189

Anonymous
Inactive

Sounds like you DEFINITELY need him on an appropriately healthy dose of a ppi drug.

http://www.marci-kids.com— ppi info and dosing info for babies

http://www.ppiknow.com— great info on what a ppi drug does in their body

Have you looked into MSPI? http://www.disa.com.au/ this is a great link explaining the effects of MSPI and how it works. MSPI can make reflux MUCH worse. Simply removing dairy and soy for two weeks should show improvement if he is MSPI, normally they improve sooner, but it can take two weeks to get the dairy proteins out of their systems.

Do you use a sling or other babywearing contraption? This will also save you and DH can wear him around when you are taking a “break.” Taking a break will not only be good for you, but will be good for your husband. He will feel useful, purposeful, and helpful, and will have a happier wife in return.

I have felt the way you feel very strongly at times, and have seen what a long term “doing it all” can do for you. Breathing time is just that, time to really breathe and get the fresh air or sleeping time, or hot bath that you desperately need. Not to sound like a downer, but the reflux could be around for a while, so you need to think in terms of the longer haul….and for the longer haul you will definitely need your strength and need to avoid burning out. It took me a long time to let dh really help when Lucas was having such a hard time and I’ve slowly been able to do it and dh is happier, lucas is loving time with daddy and we are all bonding better with a better balance. Balance is key, but so is getting your baby happier with appropriate meds, good docs, and proper testing when necessary. I would really look into a ppi if things are this bad.

Hang in there!

April 2, 2006 at 7:36 am #5190

Anonymous
Inactive

Thanks to all who replied. I especially liked the “red wine”. It made me laugh and I needed that. I have been up with him since 3:00 am. This is the worst it has ever been. He used to be fine at night. I think that maybe the constipation is starting to break as he had an explosive bowel movement this morning without prune juice. I really feel once the constipation is clear there will be some improvement.

To answer some of you.

He is MSPI – we have him on Nutramagin but when I go to the GI I am going to talk to him about Neocate. Especially since the bowels have not been working, the reflux is worse and the congestion is worse. I am thinking the Nutramagin is not working anymore.

We tried Prevacid and he could not tolerate it. He was even more uncomfortable than the reflux at the time. When we go to the GI I am going to talk to him about trying another PPI possibly Zegerid.

Thanks again to all. You are all right. I need to feel good to help him feel good. Good idea about the carrier. It would be kind of hard for DH to screw up carrying him all day! The white noise is a good idea too.

April 2, 2006 at 11:16 am #5193

hellbennt
Keymaster

from here (welcome/intro): https://www.infantreflux.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=853&am p;PN=1&TPN=1

Babywearing: https://www.infantreflux.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=1044&a mp;a mp;a mp;a mp;a mp;a mp;a mp;a mp;a mp;a mp;a mp;a mp;a mp;a mp;a mp;a mp;a mp;PN=1

I discovered an adjustable cotton pouch that my husband even wears Jonah in, too. most folks prefer the fleece pouch, but it’s too hot here in miami & we find the cotton pouch to be great! jonah actually sleeps if we pop him in the pouch & walk a few laps around the house. try http://www.KangarooKorner.com – tanya will answer any questions…[more from above link]

I found a babywearing group at yahoo …[there’s more from above link](http://groups.yahoo.com/group/babywearing/?yguid=56755932) & also http://www.thebabywearer.com and now i want even more carriers, now that i know the pouch works so well, lol. I also have a solerveil sling that is lightweight, dries fast & has SPF protection. I now wear Jonah in the shower & he LOVES IT !!! he FELL ASLEEP the 1st time i tried it!! my ‘asian style’ canvas back carrier is on it’s way, whoohoo, can’t wait! [I’m a fanatic– read the Babywearing link above]

April 2, 2006 at 6:10 pm #5228

Anonymous
Inactive

Shelly, sorry to hear you are still having trouble. I totally understand where you are coming from. In fact I could have written that post myself. We have that motherly sense where we can tell what’s bothering them, someone else may just think they are whining or just being fussy. My mother said she was soooo spoiled! Things got better once we were on the neocate and on a ppi that worked for us. Lots of ppi’s to chose from. remember to use the zantac seperated by 2-4 hours along with the ppi. And please give the neocate time to work too. It will be hard with the constipation for a week. (prune juice has sorbital in it i think and can make reflux worse) We had to use baby enimas, water mixed with simply thick an oatmeal, and peaches, just to make a poo come out. But… I think we will hear good things from you in 2 weeks. Then… You will get some sleep, hopefully with your red wine! Mine was always a big margarita sent over by a very dear friend of mine! If you need anything during your neocate switch feel free to email me. Feel like I had to find alot of things out on my own that the docs. never told me.

April 2, 2006 at 7:52 pm #5231

Anonymous
Inactive

Hey Shelley,

Just wanted to throw in a suggestion about the constipation. About 1-2 oz of white grape juice, undiluted. Works like a charm every time. It is also a little easier on the tummy than the prunes.

April 2, 2006 at 8:15 pm #5232

Anonymous
Inactive

Shelly, I’m a little late responding to this, but I just wanted to add one thing that we’ve discovered with Kaelyn. Dh has been wonderful at helping with her all along, yet I’ve often found myself doing the same thing you described. I can’t tell you how many times dh has gotten up with her in the middle of the night so I could sleep, and I’ve just been lying in bed listening, fighting the instinct to get up and “help”. However, when I went back to work, dh and I started taking turns with night time duty. It took me a little while to “let go”, but it was the best thing that we could have done. We both got really good at taking her to the farthest corner of the house when she had really bad nights, so the other one could sleep. The ability to get a full night’s sleep uninterrupted did wonders for my mental health. The added side benefit is that dh is actually better at soothing her most of the time, especially as she has gotten older. I’ve actually found myself copying many of his techniques. Many of them are things that I would never ever have thought to try, and I probably would have told him that they wouldn’t work. Of course, I’d never admit that to him.

April 3, 2006 at 8:36 am #5249

Anonymous
Inactive

Thanks for the suggestions. I am going to try the grape juice as needed. Someone suggested Mylanta as well to treat the reflux and side effect is loose stool. It worked yesterday. We had some oatmeal cereal yesterday. Very watered down and only a few spoonfuls. But no side effects yet. However, also no poop yet today. Which is not big deal clinically it is not constipation – but if this kid does not go 2 times a day he is miserable and reflux is worse.

I took some time to myself yesterday and it was the best thing for me. Put on the white noise and took a nap, gave myself a facial, got out of the house for a while. It was hard but you were all right. I feel refreshed now and able to face the days ahead. It was hard but worth it and I know it will get better each time I do it. I also know that someone mentioned that it gives dh time to learn how to soothe and bond with him and that is important. Thanks to all for talking me down from the ledge yet again!

April 3, 2006 at 10:21 am #5256

Anonymous
Inactive

To respond to your first post, I could have written the same thing a couple years ago. Just wanted to let you know that I would never trust my husband with taking care of Logan and I too couldn’t not sleep through the noises he made. I was forced to go back to work when my son turned 13 months old and you know what – I didn’t worry about him once, all day long. This is coming from the woman who would have panic attacks during the work day about her poor dogs at home and how lonely they must be and how full their baldders must be (this was before Logan was born). I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised/relieved to put him in daycare someday.

April 3, 2006 at 8:13 pm #5304

Anonymous
Inactive

Marsha

Thank you. I know that you are right. I found it ironic what you said about your dogs. I have 2 goldens and I was the same way with them before Tyler was born. I feel guilty that I don’t pay as much attention to them anymore as well. Thanks for your response. Knowing that others have been through that same thing and got over it really helps.
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