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Hi all, I am sorry you have all been through this with people who should know better.
I just wanted to restore your faith in people, my whole time through this ordeal, the only people who have ever questioned me are Drs. Not one family member or friend has ever commented on what I was doing…many have been interested in how the Drs came to the diagnosis of reflux and MSPI, but never at least to my face said anything like what you have heard. I am blessed in so many ways.
I always just say plainly, this is what Alana has and this is what we do. But then I am pretty formidable, not many people would dare argue with me
Shelby, thanks so much for posting that article! I am in tears b/c I truly thought I was the ONLY person that felt like they have “neglected” their older child since my little one was born.
Nobody seems to understand. I have people in my family (will be careful just not to say names JUST IN CASE) that think nutritionists can heal ANYTHING and that I overexaggerate everything and there is literally nothing wrong with Landen. A lot has been blamed on “maternal anxiety” etc. It’s really disheartening, so this article helped. THanks again!I am soooooo glad you enjoyed the article. I love it because it describes so much of what we have all gone through. There is so much guilt we all feel because well meaning people think they know what is best. My mother-in-law told me when Justice was a baby that Luke was going to resent his baby brother because I had to constantly tell Luke to be quite so he wouldn’t wake up Justice. I know where she was coming from, but it was not a normal situation. Most babies can learn to go to sleep with lots of sounds going on, but not most reflux babies. I tryed believe me I tryed. I desperatly wanted Justice to just take a nap so I could spend some time with Luke. I felt like Justice came along and I had no time to spend with Luke. I resented Justice because of it. It wasn’t his fault, but it’s kind of hard to see that when your going through it. Anyway, the whole time I would be trying to get Justice to go to sleep Luke would be making noise. Even small noises and Justice would wake up after I had taken 30 min to try to get him to go to sleep. It drove me crazy. Maybe Luke and Justice don’t get along now because of all of it, but still my mother-in-law just didn’t really know the situation. Even though it was a well meaning comment, it made me feel worse. I love my babies dearly, but was a horrible mom in those early months and still daily have my moments. I feel all alone even now. Okay, sorry about that, just having a moment. Snap out of it Shelby.
All that to say, we do understand and your not alone. Your not crazy and you have done nothing to cause the reflux. People still tell me all the things they think I did wrong. Oh, it is because you had coffee, because you put them on their backs to sleep, because you ate dairy while pregnant, because you had home births, and on and on. The sad thing is we all still question ourselves not realizing that it is very possibly nothing we did at all. Even if we had the perfect diet, put them on their tummies, were stress free, did no meds during pregnancy, had a full term baby, had a normal birth, and on and on that our babies could still have reflux. I think it’s time we stop blaming ourselves and realize maybe it is just so that we would learn something and help other moms. Who knows. I know that is easier said than done though.Shelby-great article. I wish I could print it out and show it to my in laws but they don’t speak English. You’re lucky that you at least got an apology from your fil. My mil gets offended easily AT EVERYTHING!! She doesn’t notice the hurtful things that she told and keeps telling me. She was the one to keep pointing out “oh, your milk dried up? tsk, tsk, tsk, and there I thought you’d breastfeed Ariella for longer than that”. And she kept saying it even after DH asked her not too b/c it hurt my feelings. Or “I’ve raised two children and a granddaughter, I know what I’m talking about”. Sometimes I feel like telling her “no, you don’t, so sh** up!” You’re absolutely right. This has put such a strain on my relationship with my in-laws. We used to get along great until Ariella was born and they had to start “showing their concern”. I so much rather them not to. I’d say “thank you” if they just kept quiet.
Lori, when I use the dr trick with them, I get the same response “your dr doesn’t know what he’s talking about”. Oh, right, I forgot that my in-laws know everything about everything.
Shelby- How does Justice sleep now? I am always curious about this. I look at Landen, a baby who never naps during the day. I mean, he takes 10 min catnaps on and off and then jerks awake and is a very poor sleeper at night. He’s so congested with acid it is impossible to get him back down easily
. I just wonder if they ever “learn” to nap and sleep at night?Justice sleeps great now. Things are not perfect, but soooooo much better than they were. It did take some gentle sleep training to get us to where we are though. Justice takes anywhere from 2 to 3 hours of a nap during the day. It has to be with him nursing on me, but hey that means I get to take a nap too or sit and watch some tv or sit and enjoy time with friends. Usually it’s a nap for me.
At night he goes down at anywhere btwn 7 and 8. This is the part that drives me crazy. He used to nurse to sleep and then I would put him in his bed. Now he nurses on both sides and I have to bounce him to sleep on an exercise ball. Thanks Amy for that tip.Don’t know what I’d do without it. The whole process takes usually around 30 mins. UGH! Once he is asleep I put him in his crib and he stays asleep until 4 or 5 and then I bring him to bed with me and let him nurse back to sleep until 6 or 7. I am trying to figure out right now how to get him to go to sleep without the ball. We are going on vacation at the end of June and I lost the pump for the ball. I have no idea how I’m going to get him to go to sleep without the ball. I don’t want to do cio now that we have come so far without it, but I am clueless as to what to do. I’m sure there is a simple fix though. Of course, that is such a small problem! I am so blessed that he is sleeping so well. I thought it would never happen.Thanks Shelby! You’ve given me hope. Even if it takes him til he’s 2 to sleep, it’s better than what my mind tells me right now “He’ll NEVER EVER sleep…you are DOOMED!!!!!”
I felt the same way about Justice.
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