Baby Days Are Over

[Anonymous]

OK, mixed feelings over here. I know, I know, I am the hard a$$ that always says “I AM SO DONE!” with having babies, and truthfully we are. David jokes and says that if I want more it is going to have to be with my second husband. Jokingly at a work party, I introduced him as my first husband. LOL! I thought it was hysterical, but anyway, now I am off topic…

I have had a series of ultrasounds since January for various cysts and irregular lining of my uterus and tons of bleeding, etc…. gross I know… so on Tuesday the 14th, I am getting the big “H”. I guess it truely is no more baby days for us. Carter turned 3 last month, (WOW, Ladies! it’s been almost 6 years since I showed up here hysterically crying looking for help unbelieveably lost!!) and David and I jokingly call it the “thousand days of He%$” from the time the babies are born until 3 years old (we joke a lot around here to get through) and our “thousand days of He^%” ended when Carter turned 3. (Oh, and I never posted the issues, but MRI showed no signs of recent strokes or new abnormalities, so all is good there!!)

Anyway, my sister who is 39 just had her third (16, 14 and newborn(second husband for the newborn)) and they were over the other night. Talk about “angel baby”. We called it “sucker baby” as they are going to get suckered into having another she is SOOO good. But I was holding and playing with that baby and even though we spent those “thousand days in He**” with the other two, I got a little nostalgic and was remembering Dylan’s first smile, and Carter’s first sign, etc…. so it is true, that the bad memories while still there, they don’t always over take the good. A year ago, ask me if I enjoyed their infant times, I would have emphatically said “NO!”, but after holding that baby, a few really fun memories, although few and far between, were there and I smiled thinking about them.

OK, I am getting sappy and that is really not me (secretly a little, but outwardly, not at all), so I guess I just wanted to vent a bit and really say it out loud for my own acknowledgement that after next tuesday, it really is a definitive that we are done with our baby years in this house.

If you made it this far and understood any of this, Kudos to you!! I love you guys!!

Ann Marie

[Anonymous]

awww i understand exactly. i am only 27 this year..and claim i am DONE! after having two refluxers mspiers it makes u never want to go thru it again! but then watching someone have a baby brings back all the memories… its soooo hard! are u SURE ur done?!! 😉 i almost got my tubes tied during my last c-section! isnt that crazy at my age? but thats how much i feel ur pain 😉

anyhow.. i hope the procedure goes well!! and we should just be happy that God has given us both 2 beautiful children! 🙂 and look foward to all the years AHEAD we have with them!! 🙂 gluck tuesday!

[Anonymous]

aww Ann Marie,

I know exactly what you mean! I am sorry you have to go through the big “H”. As much as we go through with our kids and we say NEVER AGAIN!, we can still hold a newborn or get the itch for another one…it’s amazing! I think I am still in the I’M DONE phase LOL but there are times I look at baby pics and catch myself reminiscing or missing holding a tiny baby! It’s such a range of emotions!

Hang in there! Wishing you an easy recovery with your surgery.

[Anonymous]

Ann Marie, best of Luck with the big “H”! I understand your thoughts/feelings. I am that way and I only have Cooper, but most of the time I wonder if I could do it with 2!

As I am typing I am listening to him cough his little head off over the monitor for the 4th day in a row biding my time until our MD appointment this afternoon ( I fear another ear infection! as sleep is always the first to go in our house). I wish you a speedy recovery. And keep in mind that although you may not have another biological child you can always spoil rotten those other little ones that you come across… That is what my mom tells me about grandchildren you can spoil them rotten and send them back home! Keep us posted on how the surgery goes.

[Anonymous]

Thanks ladies!! I already gave away all of our baby stuff, so we have known for a long time we are done, but still, it is so definite…. I am 35, so not too old to have more, although my body would disagree. I feel 95 most days. The doctor and nurse keep telling me how much better I am going to feel after this, so I am keeping my fingers crossed.

I’ll be fine I am sure. I am so NOT a brave soul in the sense that any meds they give me I will gladly keep myself out of pain! LOL!…

I have another week until it comes, but still wishing I was on the other end recovering already. I hate the anticipation. and Beth, how true! It was nice to think I didn’t have to get up and feed that cute baby I was holding! I do NOT miss those days and totally can sympathize with every woman here who is still not sleeping at night yet. That was so hard for me…….

[Anonymous]

I hope that all goes well.

[Anonymous]

Ann Marie,

Good luck with your surgery. I can imagine how you feel. I think that the finality of ending the reproductive part of your life is hard, even if you unofficially decided not to have more children earlier on. I rationalize that as being the reason why dh won’t get the big “V”. (That, or the fact that he’s a chicken…)

Anyhow, I know where you’re coming from. Whenever I see a sweet little baby or a mom holding her baby who is resting calmly in her arms, I get a twinge of wanting another one. I still am not sure that I don’t want more, but know that we can’t handle more. I remember posting about how hard Hailey’s baby days were, but now looking back on it, the memories fade, and become more formed by all the smiling pictures…. I think, was it so bad? (Then I pull out the video I made for her GI of me trying to feed her while she squirms and screams, and it starts to come back.)

In any case, you have been through so much, but you’re so strong, just like your boys, and I know that this sx will be a breeze for you.

Good luck and keep us posted.

HUGS.

[Anonymous]

Thanks Lori. You always make me feel better with your posts. We had the Govt here yesterday regarding the vacc injury for Carter and have had a really hard couple of days here. I went to pre op this morning and I am somewhat looking forward to a couple of days of peace. How bad is that?! Thinking of this as a vacation! Ugh…. No worries, we go through a lot of ups and downs here and we are at the bottom so nowhere to go but up from here!

Thanks ladies!!!! You are the best support anyone could ask for!!!

Ann Marie

[Anonymous]

ann marie, i think i was kind of looking forward to going into the hospital for my hysterectomy, also, because i just wanted the rest. even though my hysterectomy put me into such a bad fibro flare that i havea never gotten off of norco—-i am so glad to be done with the monthly stuff. i had gotten so anemic.

are you keeping your ovaries, or are they going? the doc didn’t dare take mine because i have already been such and emotional basket case over the years that he didn’t dare mess with affecting my hormones any by removing my ovaries—–so, i still get sore boobs every month and i get more emotional at times. one of these months, i am going to keep track of it on the calendar to see if i am having regular cycles—minus the period.

i REALLY worried what it would do to my sex life, and i was embarrassed to admit it because i thought i was being shallow—-then i discovered that almost EVERYONE worries about that. happily, it didn’t affect anything. just thought i would throw that info out in case you were like me and afraid to mention it.

i also did not want my ovaries out because i did not want to take HRT since my sister died from metastatic breast cancer at a young age. one of my other sisters takes HRT, though.

do you remember back when i was having my tubes tied? (11 month before my hysterectomy) i was worried about how it would affect me, and i think you were one of the ones to offer me some words of comfort since you had had your tubes removed.

look where we all started out—with fussy, fussy babies, just struggling to get from one day to the next—-and we have ended up supporting each other in everything from cancer, to developemental problems, to family illnesses and serious injuries. some of the names have been constant over the years, but alot of new people have joined in and been just as supportive of even us “oldies” in our trials beyond reflux as we have tried to be to them as they were starting their reflux journies.

i’ve been on a number of different boards at different times, but for some reason, i’ve never been able to stop coming back here—-i hardly ever hit the other boards!!

good luck next week, you’ll love the monthly freedom!!!!

[Anonymous]

Hi there, Christine,

We are keeping one ovary. On of the main reasons for the drastic measure is that there is an irregular cyst on one ovary. Not oddly shaped, but will not go away after months and months and is the size of a grapefruit, so time to get it out. Also very funky tilted uterus with irregular lining so the last time I was housebound it was so bad (gross, I know) that they did a DNC to clean me out and in the process punctured my uterus as it is in a wierd place it hurts, so it is just time… Hopefully the one ovary will be enough to keep hormones in line.

I hear ya! I have not had hardly ANY of these conversations with my sisters, friends, mother, etc… I always come here first for support and a place to vent. I don’t know why but when I vent to them I feel like a burdon, but here it feels like so much support.

Well, the sex life thing… what is that?!? I am sort of embarrassed to admit it but I don’t think I have had one since Carter was born or before. Don’t forget with InVitro, there is no sex involved (YIKES!) so we have slowly drifted apart in that area. Something we need to work on, but regardless, David is my best friend and I know I am his. Well, this could be another thread, or even another message board all together, but that is all for another day.

Hang in there!!!! I am going back to your other post (I just saw it) and I am sending lots of hugs your way!!!

Ann Marie

[Anonymous]

My goodness Ann Marie,

We have so much more in common than we realized! I too am facing a Hysterectomy, I just saw another (new) doc last Nov, that thinks we should move forward. I just turned 37…and I’ve been putting it off. For the past two yrs. I’ve fought an incredibly huge health battle myself. I actually flew to NH twice and had nerve blocks! Long story short, I finally found out that I have an underlying connective tissue disorder and and my lumbar spine was injured having my kids. Especially Jordan.

Christine, I am so glad you chimed in about the whole issue with sex after surgery, because that has been a huge worry to me! For many, many reasons! I adore Patrick and we actually just got our sex life back about 4 yrs. ago when I started using hormones. I am taking HRT, and I still have my uterus. My hormone levels dropped down to menopausal ranges – and in the process caused pain and made me feel like I was losing my mind. Just like with this reflux business I have studied my BRAINS out regarding female hormone issues – and there is so much media hype regarding hormones and cancer! I actually help moderate an online group for women with a chronic pain condition that I have.

Anyway, Ann Marie, I can truly relate to what you feel. I would have had four kids if I had the health (& money, too). Patrick had a vasectomy when Jordan was year old, but it’s so hard to give up!!! I’m trying to focus on the fact that after all of my health issues, I am so incredibly blessed to have my boys (past REFLUX and all)! 😉 Patrick has always known that he only wanted two kids…and I respect that, besides, we both know that if I had anymore it’s untelling what it would do to my body.

If you want to talk on the phone, please let me know. I will say that there is a great (more like Fantastic book) written by Dr. Elizabeth Vliet about Hormones and their connection to many chronic pain syndromes women have (including Fibro, Christine). The book is titled: Screaming to be Heard” – just make sure you look for the latest edition (if interested).

Hormones are a big deal for us gals! Major is more like it! When they don’t function properly, we feel like CRAP – to say the least!

Life is too short to accept feeling bad or not having a sex drive!!!

My prayers will be with you and for you Ann Marie. Seriously, don’t hesitate to get in touch with me.

My uterus has always been retroverted serverely. I had surgery to correct it back in ’98, but having Jordan made those uterine ligaments go lax again. My uterus is huge and boggy…and simply a mess, Endo, fibroids, yada, yada!!! I’ve tried to get someone to operate again and do another uterine suspension, but they say the ligaments are too bad to do that again! I’m still trying, though! 😉

God Bless you, Ann Marie!
Big *Hugs*,

[Anonymous]

Good luck with the surgery Ann Marie! Who will be taking care of the boys? I hope you recover quickly, but knowing it’s a major surgery always makes ya think a little more!

As my 2 y/o is in time out for throwing trains at the wall for the third time today, I can tell you that I need no more children! But of course the minute I hold a newborn, I go home and tell my husband that I want “just one more.” My story pails in comparison to what you have been through with Dylan and Carter, but still the fact that I had a MSPI and refluxer, I do think twice before ever even talking about another baby. It really was a toll on our family and my health!

Good luck and keep us updated when ya can!

[Anonymous]

michelle, what do you think of the estrogen dominance theory? is there some truth to this? my neighbor sells arbonne and they have a natural progesterone cream that is supposed to help balance things out. i tried it, but probably not for long enough. right now i have their progesterone cream with the natural estrogen part–hopeing to help with the dryness issue. sometime in this last year i lost almost all sex drive. i have had my horamones tested and they are normal—-i’m not menopausal. they did not check my prolactin levels, though, and the doc even meant to last time i saw him and we both forgot. i know raised prolactin can kill the sex drive and that stress can raise the prolactin levels—and i quit nursing about 4 years ago, but i still produce a small amount of milk in one of my breasts—enough that the last mammogram squeezed it out. i’m wondering if there might be some sort of connection here.

i am really afraid of HRT because my sister got an agressive breast cancer at 37 years old. she was cancer free for over 5 years and then it metastisized to her liver and she died at 46.

i am so tired of the fibro. my mother, trying to be so positive, will tell me that i do so many wonderful things. today i told her that the only wonderful thing i have done is NOT slit my wrists.

wehn i had sylvia, my uterus was paper thin and had what the doc called a “wondow”. after he cut it to get sylvia out, it tore more on it’s own. he came to our room later and told kevin that if i got pregnant again that kevin would probably be raising the kids by himself. surgery showed that i had adenomyosis.

[Anonymous]

Hi Erica,

Thanks for the good luck! David is a teacher and this coming week is April Vacation, so it worked out well for us. I am not sure if I would have tried to ask the dr to wait until summer if this week didn’t work. this way, i will go in on Tuesday and then home by Thursday or Friday and then David will be home through the weekend until Monday. On Monday my friend puts her daughter on one bus at 7:45 and Carter gets on at 7:55 (special ed preschool bus) so she is going to run over and do it for me at least this first week after the surgery as he has to go into a carseat on the bus, and can not climb the stairs on teh bus, etc…. I will still have to get him ready but I will manage. Dylan can dress himself and there is this little home daycare down the street run by the mother of someone I graduated with (yes, I moved back to the town I grew up in from 1978 until 1999 when I got married, we built a house here in 2002) so i will have to drive Dylan there but she is going to do drop off and pick up for him and then the bus will bring Carter to her at noon. David will pick up after work, so if I can make it through the mornings, and I work from home, I will just bring the laptop to bed and take it easy when I am working.

I am VERY fortunate to have found a few resources. It is unfortunate that family does not help us very much, but I have a few good friends and neighbors that really make up for things. The biggest help is working from home as I don’t even have to get myself dressed in the morning! Just pop in toaster waffles for the boys, help Carter with his getting ready and then do one drop off, so I will be fine.

Yikes! That was a mouthful! I guess the more I go over it in my head it keeps it doable…..

You ladies are great!!!! Thanks for all the support, and Michelle, so GREAT to see you too!!! I got your PM. A bit crazy over here but will try to call you in the next couple of weeks when things calm down…..

Ann Marie

[Anonymous]

Goodness, I’m tired just reading all that Ann Marie! Good luck again!

[Author]

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