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Kim– I’m so glad you responded, too. Dianne, we say virtually the same things, “you can’t have mommy’s cereal (insert anything here) because it will make your tummy hurt.” We usually try to follow up with “You have your own cereal to eat that’s just for Lucas.” or something similar. I try to be very brief and matter of fact. There’s no sympathy in my talk to him about this because it is what it is. I don’t want to create a situation of him feeling sorry for himself that he can’t have this or that– I’m sure that will come on its own eventually….unfortunately!
It seems that since about age two, which is maybe when he had enough verbal skills to articulate– he’s been asking in different ways at different times about having foods and we would say the tummy thing. Now it seems he asks when he knows the answer and he’ll sometimes fill in the answer, “it will hurt my tummy” and he’ll also say, “I have my OWN [fill in the blank] to eat.” I think it’s better when they’ve never really had the foods or have no memory of having it because they aren’t missing something or asking for something that they already knew they liked. It’s been a journey already….we have him in preschool a few times a week and we had to negotiate bringing his own snack each day (which no other child gets to do) and he sits with the other kids while they have a group snack (family style out of one bowl or tray onto their little plates) and he can only have his own food. It goes surprisingly well. He’s never been able to share food– unless with me or at our house for meals, etc. — and I get a lot of commentary from other adults “Oh, I just feel so bad for him,” or “I feel like I should offer to share…” and I just try to be matter of fact. It’s better not to even offer, he understands that he can eat his food, his food is tasty and nutritous, etc. etc. I’ve even fixed some of his treats for other folks so they can see that they aren’t that bad. I had to let go alot at preschool to trust that on the afternoon when I wasn’t there that the other moms and teacher would really keep an eye on him, but so far so good.
Birthday parties were another navigation all their own…it seemed around age two we were invited to a zillion and I just make his “birthday brownies” which we get to take to all birthday parties for him to eat, and he gets them at other special occasions when I know there will be dessert served to other children. (you may have noticed my list was LOADED with desserts….I absolutely had to have treats when i was on the diet and wanted him to have yummy treats, too.) So I make a batch of these brownies nad freeze them in baggies of two or three each and pull one out anytime we need to go somewhere with desserts. At one birthday party he sat directly in front of hte cake and said over and over “I can’t have Matthew’s birthday cake, it will hurt my tummy.” and he watched all these people eating huge slices of cake all around him and ate his little birthday brownies like he was thrilled with life. I know it sounds unreal, and we’ll probably have a different tune as he gets older but for now…
We are in a playgroup with ten other 2 year olds (and many now have baby siblings) and I have just started making noises about wanting some sort of regularity about food, or wanting a policy of sorts so that I can know how best to keep him safe (I should have done it long ago as there’s food EVERYwhere at playgroup and kids are walking around with sippy cups of milk and food and it’s just a nightmare). I never imagined we’d still be doing this at age 2 and 1/2!! But by and large, what I’ve noticed (and we are very blessed with a child to so far is eating a lot of his favorites still) but we hang out with other folks and Lucas is eating his organic dairy/soy/gluten free stuff and some of these other kids refuse anything but chicken nuggets or beg for donuts, or eat a little bit of healthy food but then want sugary snacks or whatever…..And their parents are watching Lucas saying how they can’t believe he’s eating all these healthy foods all the time– almost like they are envious, but of course they aren’t cause it’s obviously not what anyone would prefer….So we try to be happy that he eats a very healthy diet based on whole foods and since its so strict we’ve NEVER strayed from it. I’ve had my frustrating moments but I’ve managed to do the things I would have done otherwise like flown countless times with him (with refrigerated cooler type packs and lots of homemade food) and we’ve gotten the pre-school thing down, and playgroup I’m sure will come to some sort of resolution. So….I have to say even if your little one doesn’t grow out of these as soon as you’d like (like, tomorrow?) in my experience once I found things that were tasty and accepted that this was the way it would be for us (I STILL get very frustrated sometimes) but for the most part it’s been do-able. Not always enjoyable, but do-able. And Lucas is thriving, looks healthy, is at 50% for weight on the charts, etc. etc.
Sorry if this is too much information, but I would have loved this kind of thing at your stage in the game just to have an idea of what to do and what to say. So, I know I can ramble on forever, I apologize!!
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