Thanks for all the birthday wishes, guys. I honestly can’t believe that I found this site when Hailey was 5 months old, and that she’s now turning two. I can’t say that it’s all been easy, but you’ve all been an invaluable source of support to me.
I just wanted to go on record saying this (so that when Hailey’s a teenager and googles her name and comes up with a whole bunch of posts about what an impossible baby she was, she’ll also see how I really feel about her). I wrote this letter to her today, and sealed it away with the one from her last birthday. Here’s what it said:
Dear Hailey,
I honestly can’t believe where the years have gone. It seems like just yesterday that I held you in my arms- a brand new baby, fresh to the world. That moment was one of the most amazing of my life- my reward after an awful year and a horrific pregnancy. You were beautiful, and the first time I held you, I felt my heart melt and my spirit start to heal. When the reflux hit, and the challenges started, I was unprepared and didn’t know what to do. I said things that I never meant. I was not the mother I’d hoped to be- calm, relaxed, loving, and healing. It was a struggle- I know for you even more than me. But watching you hurt everyday and not knowing what to do broke my heart. I wondered why I had been given that challenge, but seeing you now, the answer is clear to me- I needed to go through that challenge, so I could truly appreciate the gift I had been given: an amazing, beautiful child. I marvel every day at what you learned, and watch anxiously at the person you are becoming. You are such a miracle to me and I love you more than you’ll likely ever understand.
Happy second birthday.
.
