Is this behavior normal???

[Anonymous]

Lately, Ariella’s been SUPER glued to me. Wherever I go (in the house), she goes (including the bathroom). I need to be near her for her to fall asleep (and that can take up to 1 1/2 hours!!!) Last night I said “enough” and told her to go to sleep without me (after being in the room with her for over an hour) she got upset and threw up!! Are you serious? This attachment to me is beginning to worry me. I can’t hug or kiss her brother without her getting in between us. Where is all this jealousy coming from?? I show plenty of affection to both of them. It’s as if she wants me all to herself. Is this normal?

[Anonymous]

Can be…but I would make sure that you let her know you are both her and Ilan’s mommy and love them both the same so sometimes it is her cuddle time and sometimes it is his. I would break her of the habit by not lying down with her but sitting in a chair until she falls asleep. Every night, for a week, keep moving the chair closer and closer to the door and eventually, you will be out the door and she will be falling asleep on her own. This can be tough, but it can get OLD really fast, too!!!

[Anonymous]

I used to do the lying down thing with Hailey, and it was horrible. We transitioned to rocking in the chair for anywhere from 45min-1hr. I was doing it until she was 4 years old!!! The worst part of it was that I would fall asleep before she would, and when I’d wake up it would be so late with her asleep in my arms, and I’d slept all my free time away.

When me moved, I cut it off cold turkey, with a few days of crying. We started a bedtime routine, including a routine of hugs and kisses. I read the kissing hand and started giving her a kissing hand at night, and also a pocket kiss to take in case she needed it later. We never turned back.

I do like Ann Marie’s idea though. If you stick with it, it should work. For what it’s worth, we went through the same thing with Sarah. You might want to read her a pocket full of kisses, by the same author as a kissing hand. Or there’s another good book… I think it’s called “I love you purple”, or something like that. Maybe spend some time just for her. I really don’t think that you have anything to worry about though, probably just a phase, even if annoying. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Ann Marie, Lori, thank you for your time and suggestions. I’ve tried the moving chair idea and it didn’t work for us. She just gets upset, screams her head off and throws up. I spend a LOT of time with just her and it’s getting to the point where I can’t do anything with her brother without her getting upset. I used to read books with her, do puzzles and such but I can’t do it with him b/c I pick her up from daycare and all she wants is me next to her. DH is getting really upset with her behavior and to tell you honestly, I’m not too happy with it either.

[Anonymous]

OK, I may sounds like a HORRIBLE mother, but we really stick to our guns on things like this. With Dylan, it was a different situation with something (I can barely remember at this point) but he TOLD me he was going to throw up….I calmly said back to him “that’s ok Pumpkin, mommy or daddy can just clean it up”…. and we DON’T give in. Well, after a few times, he gets that he is not in control of the house, David and I are. I just feel like if she continues to get her way at this age, what are you going to do when she is 15? I hope I don’t sound too harsh, but it is not your job to make your children not cry or be upset at something, it is your job to keep them healthy and to grow up as well rounded adults that can funtion in a world where they don’t always get their way……

I can tell it is a very difficult situation for you and when we work, we feel this guilt to sometimes to give in more than we should, but we don’t do them any favors by doing so. It is VERY hard to stick to your guns and do the right thing, but you have to……

Hang in there!!! I will try to think of some constructive ways to handle this…..

[Anonymous]

I agree with Ann Marie. My kids are all great sleepers and pretty much have always been (other than those lousy reflux days), and it’s mainly because this is one battle I refuse to lose. I need a good night’s sleep to function (and so do they) so I have always been very firm about bedtime, sleeping in one’s own bed, and sleeping through the night. Of course temperament contributes to how easy or difficult a particular child is to sleep train, but I believe ANY child who does not have a medical condition can be taught to sleep in his or her own bed and sleep through the night.

My toughest child to sleep train was my youngest due to his incredible temper and strong will. I was not going to give in though. At one point when he was testing my resolve I told him he had two choices; 1. stay in bed, or 2. sit in his time out chair until he was ready to go to bed. I’d put him in that time out chair at 2 am if I had to and I can tell you it only took a few nights of that for him to decide that staying in bed was better. And I don’t “lose” the time out battle either. If they won’t sit, you pick them up and put them back on that chair until they DO sit. They will relent and comply if they know you are not going to give in. Parents have to be in charge, and children really do want their parents to be in charge. They feel safer and less anxious when they are not in control because intrinsically children know they are not equipped to be in charge.

Sometimes a reward is helpful. For a while Myles was waking at 5 am to go potty and insisting that I get up and go with him even though he was fully capable of doing it himself. He’d been potty trained for at least six months and I knew he didn’t need my help anymore. He just wanted my attention at 5 am and I preferred not to give it to him at that time. I told him if he got up and went potty by himself without waking mommy up he would not have to take a nap the next day. (He was getting close enough to not needing a nap anymore as long as he got a good night’s sleep, so this was a good bargaining tool.). Well lo and behold, that first night he got up by himself, went potty, went back to bed and slept until we all got up at 7 am, and the first thing he said when he got up was, “Mommy, I don’t have to take a nap today, right?” They’re smarter and more capable than we think!

I think the clinginess is normal for her age. My 4 yr old still comes looking for me seconds after I leave the room, follows me into the bathroom, and won’t play on the side of the house if I am sitting in the front yard. My middle child (now 6) was also quite stuck to me until she was at least 4, and still she won’t go to any activities without her big sister. I don’t worry about it because I think we expect our children to grow up too fast in this society. Thy mature and grow up when the are ready. I’m sure my little guy will not be following me into the bathroom at age 9!

Oh, btw… hello everyone! I was just popping in to see how everybody is doing! ndrose2009-10-13 20:10:50

[Anonymous]

Miss ya, Christine!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Ann Marie, Christine…here is our dilemma. We live in a very small one bedroom NY apartment. I would GLADLY do all of those things only I’m afraid she’ll wake her brother up. He’s a terrible sleeper too and the last thing I need is to have two screaming kids at 2 am. I guess we’ll need to have a week of sleepless nights to get the desired results. I know Ariella and how stubborn she is. She’ll kick and scream until I give in 🙁

Ann Marie, you don’t sound like a terrible mother. I’m pretty strict with my kids too, the only thing we can’t seem to get control of is the sleep (with Ariella and Ilan). I guess we better sleep train both of them at the same time…

[Anonymous]

Oh, I see. That is tough with the small apartment. My goodness, how do you New Yorkers do it?

Hopefully sleep training them both will work. It could be a long few days or week, but then you’d be home free and well rested, so it would be worth it. And you might be surprised, the little guy might sleep through the whole thing. I was always surprised when one of mine was up screaming at night because the others almost always slept through it. Good luck.

Hi Ann Marie. I miss you and this site too!

[Author]

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