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Hello all,
I’m feeling kind of sad and know that you will all tell me that it’s okay and my dh will look at me strange if I go to him with this…..I had to throw away my breastmilk today and it’s a long time coming thing I had to do. When I first had to switch Owen to formula my doc said “oh, don’t throw it away, you may use it later” but in my mind I knew I didn’t want to even go there after all we had been through.There was certainly a lot of it and it was just taking up room, but I worked very hard for it all……. Crazy!I had been looking at it in the freezer thinking I should pitch it for some time now, but today I just went through with it. Why is it that I feel like I have somehow failed as a mother b/c of not being able to BF??? My child is finally healthy….. I should be overjoyed!I wasn’t able to donate, I did look into that b/c I take a daily med and the milk has to be med free.
I’m really very pleased with where Owen is right now, I just never went through this with Griffin, I got to choose when I was done breastfeeding!Thanks for listening!!!
Oh Erica, I’m so sorry, but please, please don’t feel like a failure for not being able to breastfeed Owen. You did what you thought was best for him, and he is healthy and happy now. That’s the bottom line, right? I think we moms just put too much pressure on ourselves. But I do understand feeling like you are losing something by having to throw it away. In some ways, it is very much a part of you, so it makes sense. I’m glad that you felt like you could come here for support and understanding!! My husband just doesn’t get it either.
Erica,
DON’T feel like a failure!!!
You know it’s funny you mention throwing your milk out b/c I just recently had to toss liters of mine. When I was thinking Kate had MSPI, I knew I had tons of milk in the freezer and figured I was on dairy when I pumped all of it so I couldn’t use it. Bummer for me, turns out she probably doesn’t have an allergy but I was on meds too so I couldn’t donate it either. I also lived in Europe after 1980 so they wouldn’t take it. Isn’t that weird?
Something to do with mad cow? ANYWAY, I dumped like 35 bags(4oz each) SO hard!!!! Now granted I haven’t stopped bf yet but I’d be ready even though it would be hard which I’m sure it was for you if that meant I’d have a happy baby!!! Owen is beautiful and healthy and you are an amazing mother for selflessly putting him and his well-being first. How lucky he is to be blessed with a mommy like you!!! There is WAY to much pressure and judgment out there when mom’s choose to not or can’t bf for one reason or another I think. You did what you had to and are no less b/c of it. I’m droning on and on,sorry. Here’s another BIG hug reminding you what an awesome mommy you are!!!Awww, I know how you feel!!! I remember that feeling of deep sadness after the last bottle of BM that Sarah had. I had been pumping exclusively for four months and decided to stop once I returned to school. I remember the exact feeling when we finished it off and it made me sad too!!! It is one of those weird things though that men will just never understand!
I’m sorry. I sure know how it feels. It’s a mom thing. Husbands just don’t get it. Mine used to tell me to quit pumping every single day and he thought I was nuts for crying over it when I stopped. But moms understand. I hope you’re not too hard on yourself and you take heart that Owen doesn’t think any less of you. He’s just as loved as any baby on earth and that’s what matters most.
And he’s healthy and pain free too!! Thanks ladies!! It really didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would, but it’s always nice to hear another moms story! I think another thing is we always said only 2 kids no matter the sex. I did want a girl after Owen was born, but I think I’m ready to have my kids older and be able to go out and do things with them more easily!
Also, the reflux/MSPI is something I don’t ever want to go through again. (God bless you moms who have been through it multiple times!) So, I also knew it would be my last baby and the whole giving up that right as a woman to exclusively feed that child somehow tugged at my emotions……You all know how it goes……..
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