Toilet training… does this sound right?

[Anonymous]

Lori, I used to work as an assistant director at a day care. Our center started at 2 1/2. Very few of our 2 1/2 year olds were potty trained when they started. Our policy was that they couldn’t move into the “preschool” (3 year old) program until they were potty trained. We had a lot of kids that were well past 3 before they could move up. Usually, being told that they couldn’t go to the big boy/big girl room until they started using the potty was motivating enough.

Unfortunately, in my experience, most of the time when they start telling you that your child is ready to move up before you think they are ready, it has little to do with your child and a lot more to do with the fact that they want the space in that room for a new child. The director in the center where I worked did stuff like that all of the time. It was one of the reasons that I decided that I’d never be a good director and I should switch careers.

Personally, with a child that has had issues being reluctant to go in the past I think the idea of going cold turkey has a lot of potential hazards. It’s entirely possible that she’ll just start refusing to go and you’ll have a much bigger issue on your hands (like kidney infections or constipation). If she was 3 or older, I could understand the push, but I just don’t at 28 months.

[Anonymous]

I wouldnt push her if she is not ready. I wish that I had waited until my daughter was closer to 3 before we started toilet training. She seemed to be ready at about 22 months so we cold turkey with underwear and she was trained in about a week. A month after Tyler was born she started having several accidents a day and this has continued ever since, we have tried everything but nothing works. I wish I had of waited until she was more emotionally mature before starting. I have a friend who waited until her boy was almost 3 and he was trained in a couple of days, she said it was so easy. I know your situation is not the same as mine as the arrival of a baby (especially a reflux baby) can upset toilet training, but I think if you push her you will make the overall process so much longer. Let her take her time, she will let you know when she is ready.

[Anonymous]

Thanks guys. I never had any intention to push her, but the day care staff has made me feel like I’m insane b/c I don’t want to do this. They keep saying that everyone has done it like this. I just don’t think she’s ready so I’m going to hold off. They can figure out how to fill their spot on their own… it’s not my problem.

[Anonymous]

Hi Lori – my pediatrician told me that you can start potty training them at 2 and they will be done when they are 3 or 3 1/2. Or, you can start potty training at 3 and they will be done when they are 3 or 3 1/2. Bottom line – your dd has clearly stated she is not ready. Any parent who has pushed a kid who was not ready will tell you that the only result will be a much longer and painful process for all of you. That being said – the “cold turkey” method can work for a much older child who is perfectly capable of staying dry but lacks the motivation and will to interrupt what they are doing to use the bathroom I had one of these. But he was close to 3 1/2 when we tried this. We were lucky to have a daycare that had no diaper rules, and that moved kids up each September, so they stayed with their friends.

[Anonymous]

i don’t believe in potty training. all of my children, except one, were over 3 when they were potty trained. sammy was trained before 3, but that was because she did it pretty much on her own. i would rather change a diaper than clean up an accident. i don’t think it is anyones business, including your daycare, as to when you want your child to be out of diapers. by the time they get to kindergarten, no one knows or cares if they were potty trained at 2 or at 4.kevieb2006-2-7 12:57:17

[Anonymous]

People are so darn opinionated about things, aren’t they? It drives me crazy! I don’t think it’s the daycare’s place to tell you what to do either. I think Christine hit the nail on the head.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately, I have to agree with Kim on this one. I am the accountant for a large church that has a daycare (where Seth is enrolled) and I am all too familiar with the pressure the Business Manager puts on the Daycare Director to keep the classes at full capacity in order to boost the bottom line. In fact, they moved Seth up to the crawler room way before he was ready and I know for a fact it was because they had (and still do) openings in there to fill yet a waiting list in the infant room. So, when they moved him up, they were able to bring someone else in.

Anyway, if you do not think she is ready then I would tell them to shove it and go about it on your own time table. Granted I do not know anything about potty training (yet) but 21 months seems a little young and their method seems a little harsh to me.

You definitely have to be on board if they start this at school and be consistent at home for it to work so just tell them you aren’t ready to do it at home and to wait a little bit longer. If her friends all move up though, maybe she will surprise you and want to go on the potty to be with them. If that is the case, then maybe I would let them try but on YOUR terms. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I know about pressure to move kids up. Fortunately, Robbie’s move to the next room was a good one, and even though he is several months younger than the other older infants, he really fits in a lot better in that room. As far as potty training goes, I guess I would react the same way you are. I don’t think it is right to put all that pressure on a child. My nephew is working on potty training right now, but child #2 is due in March, so who knows what will happen then! I am sure that all the pressure is due to needing space in the room, and really that isn’t right. I hope you get all this resolved soon and that Sarah finds a solution that keeps her happy and healthy!

Sarah

[Anonymous]

Okay, this post just became much more timely for me. When dh was dropping Kaelyn off at daycare this morning, they asked him if we wanted them to start working on potty training. She’s only 19 months old! He was so surprised that he told them that he didn’t know because we hadn’t even discussed it yet. They said that they just start by always changing their diaper in the bathroom (instead of on the changing table), and then see how it goes from there. Apparently, the other little girl that is right around her age has already started. I don’t think that Kaelyn is even close to being ready. She talks about me going potty (she likes to follow me into the bathroom), but she doesn’t seem to have a clue about when she’s going. Plus, from everything that I’ve read, there’s no point in trying to train her now because it’s really like she’d regress when the new baby comes in June.

[Anonymous]

Kim, stand your ground and do what you feel is right. We didn’t even start with Sarah until after Hailey was born, and all we did was offer her to sit on her potty whenever we saw her strain to go poo. 19 months sounds early to me.

I had a long talk with the director of the daycare and told her that I didn’t feel that it was right to pressure parents into toilet training so that their child could move up. Interestingly, when I declined the spot, since I didn’t feel that Sarah was ready to go cold turkey to underwear, she told me that they were going to move her up even though she wasn’t potty trained (I guess no one else wants the spot either!).

We do plan to start toilet training her, but using plastic training pants, and not straight underwear- and regular diapers for naps and sleep time. We are going at our pace, not theirs. Mainly because Sarah actually expressed an interest in wearing underwear all of a sudden (I wonder if they were talking about it with her at the daycare). I told them that as far as toilet training goes, as her parent, I reserve the right to make the decisions how I want it to be done. Thank you all for your opinions and support.

[Anonymous]

Hope that the toilet training goes well!

[Author]

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