too paranoid

[Anonymous]

Well I know that we’ve talked about this before, so I know I’m not the only one, but I am just so over-protective with Hailey that it’s awful. I swear if I could keep her in a bubble until her reflux passed I would. I’m just so worried about every little thing making our situation worse that I’m so scared to leave her with anyone or to let anyone hold her or get her upset. I know it’s terribly neurotic. Hailey was recently diagnosed with some motor delays on top of her current reflux/non-eating issues, and so she was assessed by our home care program to see if she would qualify for in-home OT (on top of the feeding therapy and dietician we already get). Well imagine how floored I was when not only was I offered OT, but the co-ordinator suggested that I also get a few hours of respite care a week (2-3 one hour visits) by a personal support worker to come and watch Hailey so I can get some rest. Instead of jumping all over this, I just kept thinking of all the reasons why not to accept the help. My husband was so mad at me, and wants me to call back and accept the service while it’s being offered to us. I’m sure you all agree with my husband on this one. But for anyone else who is over-protective about their refluxer, how do I finally cut the cord (and should I)? s&h’s mum2006-4-6 15:57:50

[Anonymous]

Don’t feel bad I am the same way with my baby. I have to be sitting in the back with her in the car or another capable adult (my husband,or mom) has to. I’m always worried for her,and am paranoid when it comes to what we both eat.

As for the extra help, I would be wary. Even though it’s a professional I have seen too many people on 20/20 or talk shows,who said their baby was physically abused. If you get help from someone don’t leave them alone with your baby. People are really nuts these days. I don’t mean to scare you or anything, just trying to be helpful.

[Anonymous]

From one over protective mom to another, honestly, I would take the help. The OT could be very beneficial for Hailey, and the respite care can give you the break that you need. Everyone needs some time to help rejuvenate themselves. You have gone through so much with Hailey, that you honestly deserve a break. Even for an hour at a time. Not to mention it could be socially helpful for Hailey.

Now that being said, I do understand your reluctance. I am far more protective of Noah than I ever was with my other two. I honestly dont feel that anyone else (beside dh) can care for him like I do. I walk on eggshells with him and I probably always will. However I am learning to cut the cord little by little. I am actually hiring a baby sitter for the first time ever to come over next weekend to watch him for a couple hours. Granted, I will only be at a card party right next door, but its still a big step for me. I’ve realized, with the help of my dh, that I need to quit smothering Noah and worrying so much. I’m driving myself crazy and everyone else too. So if it were me, I’d take them up on their offer. You might find that Hailey does remarkably well.

[Anonymous]

I agree with Lisa – it’s SO hard but I would take the help too. I’ve
only recently gotten better about this myself. I do go to the gym 3-4
times a week when DH hangs with Marisa and 1-2 times a month we let his
parents babysit while we go out for dinner (although that hasn’t
happened in a while since FIL is still recovering). I still have a
really hard time thinking about a normal babysitter situation but I
would imagine that the respite worker would be very well trained and
someone you could definitely trust.

[Anonymous]

The respite worker will be a PSW (personal support worker) not necessarily trained in babies more than any other age group. That’s my concern. But my husband says to give it a try- obviously we wouldn’t leave her alone with Hailey for some time- and see how it works out. He said “If you don’t want to leave the house, then you can just go upstairs and clean the bathrooms a bit”. I thought I would clobber him! I thought, yah, cleaning the bathrooms would be so relaxing for me.

Lisa, enjoy your card game. Who did you find to babysit?

[Anonymous]

Lori,

It was hard to cut the cord with Alexis as well, being my first child and her with horrible reflux. I didn’t even like leaving her with DH even though he was capable of taking care of her but she ate even worse with him. Anyways, I finally had to do it for my sanity and it turned out very good for the both of us (Alexis and myself). She was with someone that wasn’t so stressed out which made her feel better and I was also able to take some time to myself. I would give it a shot, maybe not leave the house but grab a good magazine or book, run a nice bubble bath turn on some music and relax. At least this way you get some rest and not have to worry too much since if the PSW needs you, you would be there. If things seem to work out with the PSW, then just make short trips out and then increase the time out as things progress. It may really help with Hailey’s stranger anxiety. Alexis seem to do better with other people when I’m not around.

[Anonymous]

Lori,

I can relate to your feelings of wanting to keep Hailey in a bubble. My dd is 18 months and has developmental delays due to low muscle tone and reflux/digestion issues. It’s hard to leave her, but I have learned that I have to do it.

In terms of the in-home help, take advantage of it. For the first few visits, stay in the house, go upstairs, downstairs, read a book, take a shower that lasts longer than 5 minutes (my personal favorite), go outside and get some fresh air – anything. From my experience, Hailey is at a great age to start with some of what I call “mommy free” time. I wished I had started closer to a year with my dd.

Allow yourself this break – give yourself “permission” to do it – it’s good for you and it’s good for Hailey. If it’s a positive experience (in terms of the caregiver), I guarantee you will feel refreshed and energized after each visit.

Take care

[Anonymous]

I really like Sue’s idea – take a nice bubble bath and try to relax and
turn on a white noise machine or some nice music. Or can DH get you a
massage (at your home) so you are there but getting pampered? And then
like Sue said, if it’s going well, start to take short trips out and
then slightly longer ones?

[Anonymous]

Thank you all for the encouragement. I think we might go for it. It’s not the kind of offer you get everyday.

[Anonymous]

Good luck – keep us posted!

[Anonymous]

Lori, this is probably going to be a terrific blessing for you. This could be a very small step in the right direction for both of you. You were thinking about daycare, but have lots of fears about that, which I understand completely. This is better because you can get a little break without worrying about her being exposed to all kinds of illnesses. And like the others said, you can stay in the house until you feel comfortable leaving her. Hailey can have some experience with another caregiver.

I would definitely do it if I was you. Just don’t clean the bathrooms or do any other kind of housework

Good luck! I hope it works out well for you and Hailey

[Anonymous]

i am with you. very paranoid. but i think my husband and i made a huge mistake not getting hannah used to other caregivers. we never go out without hannah unless we have family visiting. and trust me, that’s no bargain.

i think if you have someone new in the house, as a “playmate,” while you were in the other room playing with your older daughter, reading a book BY YOURSELF, etc, you might eventually have the leap of faith to leave the house.

does this “respite care” include possibly someone to come and clean the house?

[Anonymous]

Becky, I do worry that Hailey has not been exposed to enough other people. And no, respite care doesn’t include housekeeping. Wouldn’t that be nice! My house is a dump these days.

[Anonymous]

tell you what, lets trade…you come to philly and pack up my 1800 square foot house (we move in 3 weeks) and i’ll hang out with hailey, and clean your house.

[Anonymous]

Becky, thanks but I HATE packing!! UGHH!! Where are you moving to? Good luck with the packing- hope it’s quick and painless.

[Author]

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