Want to give up on self feed

[Anonymous]

I have let Brian completely self feed since Wednesday, first day went ok, second day was not so good (so I need to puree his dinner). Today’s lunch was horrible, he just sit there and barely touch anything, I was so frustrated and yelled at him, then I puree rest of the lunch and feed him. He is going to drop his two bottles really soon because his old nipple is broken, then I can not guarantee 16oz of milk intake everyday, so I wonder I should give up on letting him self feed (he is still letting me feed him puree).

[Anonymous]

it sounds like you only let him self feed one day, since you pureed his dinner the next day. he’s most likely going to balk at doing it at first—-maybe even for several days to a week. steel yourself—–you can do it!

[Anonymous]

Refresh my memory… what happens when you let him self feed first? At least he’s getting practice.

And… how “pureed” are you doing? You leave him quite a bit of texture?

Keep trying is what I think, but get the food in somehow. What about pediasure to supplement so you know he’s getting his nutrition?

Does he like using his own utensils? I know my son does better with real silverware as opposed to the kiddie ones.

As for the milk, I think the pediasure would make up for it?? Calcium supplements? We are off milk so that’s what we do. He drinks a lot of water flavored with juice.

[Anonymous]

Sharon,

I would try to stick with it. Our SLP told us that it could take up to 3-4 weeks for them to feel hunger and associate eating with being full. Brian seems to be ready based on what you have told us. He is probably holding out because he knows that you are going to give him the puree in the end. If you are nervous, ask your ped and your ST to work on this with you. Maybe you can do more frequent weight checks to make sure he is doing okay, and maybe the ST can help you to tell you how to go about cutting out the puree (i.e. all at once, or gradually). I know how scary it is. But everyone we’ve worked with has told me that at some point when the skills are in place, they need to be challenged to go beyond what they’re doing so that they start to eat more normally again.

And I don’t just say this without thinking about it. We’re going through something similar with Hailey. We are now in the process of working on which of Hailey’s bottles to drop. Our SLP feels that Hailey should be able to self feed and eat, and that she should not need to be fed or take so much from the bottle. (So much, I think…only 12-15 oz). But, I agree that she needs to feel hunger, and learn that feeding herself will satisfy that. We are going to cut her down to 10oz and I’m very scared. But I really think that in the end, she needs to learn how to feed herself and I will have to challenge her a bit to do that. As I’ve told you, they told me that she will lose weight and to expect that. Eventually she will gain again. It’s hard for me to accept this, but I know it’s right in the long run.

Hang in there. Follow your instincts. I think in the end you will know what to do- whether to continue or to hold back a bit. We can go through it together. We’ll probably be starting in the next few weeks. HUGS.

[Anonymous]

Sharon – Its sounds like your in a tough spot. But if he knows how to feed himself, chews and swallows without any problems, then I would try to go a little longer and see if he improves on the amount he takes in. And definitely see if you can get weight checks more often to make sure he’s doing alright.

Lori – Are you going to cut out one of Hailey’s bottles? If you do, how much milk will she get total per day between the bottle and sippy? Are you going to work on self feeding table foods? I know I need to do this too, but I am petrified to let Noah only self feed. Right now he will eat maybe 10 tiny bites (like what Hailey does) per meal. The rest is pureed and I feed him and I still have to force liquids into him by sleep feeds and a little through the sippy. I dont think I can soley let him feed himself since he wont chew, plus he is already tiny and cant affort to lose any weight.

[Anonymous]

Thank you everyone for the reply.

I still let Brian self feed, but he ate only a few pieces (mostly veggi, tofu and noodle, he doesn’t like meat), and then kept scratching his face and ear rather than eating, after that I offered him fruit, he like it and ate some. So after 30-40 min, I puree some food and feed him. After feeding him puree, I let him watch TV and feed him yogurt. I give him a chance, but he just did not take enough.

Amy – I give him regular fork and load with food, he takes from it once or twice. Can Henry has rice milk?

Lori – Brian is such a stinker, our ST comes once a week, and he always eats so well in front of her (so she thinks he does not have any feeding problem), then back to his regular self afterward. I think it is because he is distracted when she is here (she does all kind of fun thing when he is eating), but she thinks it is because my stress pass on to him. Is Hailey eating again now? Which bottle are you going to drop? Please keep us posted.

Lisa – I check his wt. every day now, it is a scare thought to let him drop wt.

Lori and Lisa – I do offer Brian some hot dog meat and chicken nugget, but it has such a high sodium level, does those can and deli meat have high sodium level too?

[Anonymous]

Sorry it took me so long to reply to this.

Sharon, Hailey also doesn’t eat meat or most healthy foods. As I’ve said, she will eat a little deli meat. I know it has lots of sodium, but figure it’s better than puff snacks. For me, I find the nitrates to be worse than the sodium, but that’s just my thing. We went to my in-laws for father’s day and all the kids were there. I brought Hailey’s own food and also offered her some of what they made, which was chicken and beef on the barbecue, some veggies, etc. She ate nothing. Only a few corn twists (like cheezies), and a few bites of fruit. She didn’t touch anything else I gave her, and my mil kept saying- give her some chicken, give her some beef, give her some broccoli… I was just getting so annoyed. Hailey doesn’t eat healthy foods like I would like, and so it can be frustrating, but overall I figure eating something is better than nothing even if it’s not healthy foods. Are you stressed out when you’re feeding Brian? Is that why your ST said that? I actually hate that comment (docs like to make it a lot), even though it can be true. But I’m actually not stressed out at meal time with her, because I know there’s nothing I can do about it, and Hailey still doesn’t eat, so I doubt it has anything to do with stress. BTW, I didn’t know that Brian was walking. That’s great! Have you found that the reflux has improved since he started walking? How much does he weigh? If he is at the 40th percentile, I really wouldn’t worry about it too much. He is going to lose some weight to learn to eat, so I’ve been told.

Lisa, I am going to cut out one of Hailey’s bottles. I just don’t know which one. The feeding doc we saw before really wanted me to cut out the night feed, but I just find that because our ped doesn’t want me to really let her cry at night yet, that if I cut out that bottle, I’m going to be up all night with her. Also, now that it is hot here, she has increased her bottle intake overall- back up to about 16 oz or so, so I don’t know what to do. I’m going to ask him for some guidance and see what he says. He wants to drop her down to about 6-10 oz (yikes) from the bottle. She will take an addition 3-5 oz these days from the sippy of soy milk. But she also doesn’t take purees so there’s no water from there. I’m so glad to hear that Noah is self feeding now, even though it’s a small amount I think it’s an improvement (that’s what I tell myself anyhow). We also still need to sleep feed, otherwise she won’t take a bottle. What does your ped say about all this. I know that he got that letter from the feeding clinic, but what does he say about Noah’s weight and eating? Have you guys stopped syringe feeding? Also, if you get a chance, send me an update about how everything is going these days. I’ve been thinking about you and hope that all is well.

[Anonymous]

Hi Sharon.

Henry could have rice milk. I’ve looked at the nutrition in the rice milk and it doesn’t seem enough to bother. Seems the suplements do better. And, now that I’ve found the pediasure(wal-mart brand) and know it’s safe for him-gluten and lactose free, I’m happier with that than anything. I feel better knowing he’s getting everything he needs.

These little guys should come with manuals… it’d be soooo much easier

[Anonymous]

Lori – Brian has been walking for a month now, I didn’t post it for fear of jinxing us (it happen to us several times), he can stand up from the floor without help now. PT from EI really help him progress in his gross motor skill. How often does Hailey get her PT? Did you learn any new skill. Is Hailey eating a little better now?

Brian reflux does seem a little better even before he was walking, I know it because we started slowly decrease his Pepcid and reglan since he was 15 month, and he doesn’t seem to be bother by it (but we decrease very slowly, we just decrease 0.02 every 2-3 days). I do stress out when feeding time comes, it is hard not to get stress out, because most of time he just sits there and does’t eat anything, and he is so picky.

I understand when you said you annoyed by MIL. My MIL is very annoying too, she tells other people that Brian is perfectly fine, I am just too nervous. She said when kids don’t eat, do not force, and she never force her son to eat, but when my DH was a kid (he was a poor eater), my MIL didn’t allow him to leave the table until he finish one bowl of rice (1 – 1 1/2 hour), I wonder what was that if it was not force.

Amy – Is Wal Mart brand pediasure taste good? How is Henry’s eating? Does he take puree or table food? He is taking periactin, does that help?

[Anonymous]

The periactin is the only reason his weight is steady in the 25%. He eats well for the most part. Especially when I read the stories here. He does have days that he’s not interested.

My thoughts on the periactin for Henry is that Henry has digestive issues and the periactin, being an antihistimine for allergies, helps his digestive reactions to foods and helps him feel better. I’m not sure that’s rightor how it works, but I do know he needs it. We tried to have him off it. He went haywire and didn’t sleep well, wouldn’t eat etc. It just proved to me that it is doing something for him. He takes 2 mg once per day. We give this an hour away from other meds.

The pediasure I never tasted. I just judge it according to how he drinks it. It doesn’t smell bad. And the wal mart brand goes down much faster for him than the other stuff. Funny. He loves the cheap stuff. Go figure. He’s high matinence in everything else

How is he eating??? Well, we feed him in his highchair for 3 meals a day. sometimes I’ll give him some rice cake or fruit pieces to self feed while I’m getting his other food ready. Breakfast is hot rice cereal with chopped fruit-texture. Lunch and supper is mashed vegies with chopped meats. Like when we have a roast in the crock pot, we put the left overs in the food processor and pulse a little bit. We freeze it and add it as needed. Veggies- I bake sweet potatoes and squash. scoop into a bowl and mash a bit. Then scoop and freeze so we just grab the frozen blobs and add it to other things-meat- other veggies. I’ll steam carrots and grean beans and pulse and freeze in scoops. I sometimes add rice to these mixes as well. We don’t really eat like he eats. Although we should. I eat a lot of fresh salads and spicy things that he can’t have due to the reflux. Spagetti’s out for him. So table food is an issue. We don’t hardly ever cook anything that we can feed him. We also don’t get very many meals together with our work schedules. Meatloaf is one that he eats with us. Pot roast. chicken breasts-I haven’t been able to eat due to me being pregnant right now. Plus it’s never relaxing to have him eat with us. I find he eats better if we feed him seperatly. I can focus on what he’s doing the whole time. He’s high matinence. he likes to be served. For example, we use the baby utensils. He has been liking the real silver ware that we use lately. He likes to hold it and use it himself. Only for a few bites and then he just wants me to do it. Serve me mommy:) But then he’ll grab it again and it’s like we kinda take turns. I try to make it fun for him and not let it get frustrating. Like when he whips the food over his shoulder. I just want to scream. But I just downplay it and go on. During the day, I’ll put rice cake bits or something out on the coffee table and let him graze. This way, I know he’s getting food in at his leisure. I figure if I let him graze at snacks during the day, he’ll hold his weight. Just trying to get that food in any way he’ll take it. Plus, I think he thinks he’s getting away with something he’s not supposed to be doing. It’s kinda funny. So, he does eat really well, don’t you think? We are very lucky.

I hope this wasn’t too long of an answer. Too much information??? Just trying to help. Not that we are perfect by any means. I just do what I can to keep his weight up. How is Brians weight?

[Anonymous]

Sharon,

That’s great news about Brian’s standing up and walking. We see an OT, not a PT, they didn’t want PT because of all Hailey’s sensory issues. We see the OT once every week, now down to once every two weeks. But Hailey no longer has a motor delay. She transitions on her own, pulls up, walks along furniture, rolls over both ways, and crawls. So if she doesn’t start to walk in the next few months then maybe we’ll work on it some more.

When did you first notice that his reflux was getting better? Was it a sudden change- like he suddenly stopped, or was it gradual. Hailey is still awful in terms of reflux, it’s silent, but I hear her swallow it back all the time, and I’m just looking for some hope that it can still get better.

I used to get stressed about feeding Hailey, but then I realized that she ate (or rather didn’t eat) whether I was stressed or not, so I just decided to give it up. That was a while ago, and while I’m still concerned about her lack of eating and her pickiness (she’ll also just sit there and whine and not touch anything and not let me feed her), I realized that I can’t make her eat if she doesn’t want to. So me stressing about it is no help.

For what it’s worth, it really sounds like Brian is doing great. I know it’s frustrating, but hang in there. What’s going on with his self feeding now… are you still doing purees or did you stick with it?

[Anonymous]

just wanted to chime in with an annoying and yet encouraging word…my daughter, now 2 1/2 went through about 4 months of OT for feeding issues until she was 17 months old. the transition to table foods was painful, but even more painful was the transition to self-feeding. it took a really long time. i was so nervous about how much hannah ate, i used to follow her with a bowl of noodles after each meal (including breakfast) until i thought she had enough. the thing is, like christine said, he sort of has to figure out how to associate being full with not being hungry and vice versa, so the tough love of letting the kids leave after only a few bites, if that, is probably harder on us than them, because in the long run, it will be better for their learning.

if there is truly an aversion, your OT should be able to help you strategize to get through this. if you feel like your OT is questioning your input, get another…because s/he should be helping you learn, as much as brian.

so, for my encouraging word? since my daughter has gotten more verbal, she really enjoys teasing us by asking for “more” even before her plate is empty. the most humorous statement i think i have ever heard? “more brocolli, mommy.”

[Anonymous]

Thanks Becky! Sounds like Hannah is doing great! What are you guys up to? How is her reflux?

When and how did you wean Hannah off of her bottles? Do you remember how many bottles/ how much formula she was taking at a year?

Nice to hear from you.

s&h’s mum2006-6-21 15:2:54

[Anonymous]

s&h’s mum wrote:

When did you first notice that his reflux was getting better?

Lori – I tried to decrease Brian’s pepcid and reglan several times before without success (his eating was so bad even I decrease a little bit). When he was 15 month old, I increase his prevacid to 22.5mg, and decrease his pepcid and reglan very slowly, his seems doing fine, so I guess his reflux is a little better. Today I saw him try to re-swallow when he burp, I think we are not completely out of the wood yet.

I am so glad to hear that Hailey doesn’t have motor delay anymore, and I hope she will be walking soon. What does the OT do for / with her? We saw our PT today, she thinks Brian is still not very stable when walking, so we will still be seeing her for another month.

Brian is still not eating enough by himself, and he is getting bored of what I offer him now, he is so difficult to please. I still let him self feed, if he is not eating well, then I will puree some food for him. Are you going to drop Hailey’s bottle? It’s really a tough decision.

He is certainly doing better compare to this time of last year, I can not wait to go for a little vacation, we are planing to go to my parents in NYC this fall.

Amy – Congratulation! When is your due day?

Brian’s weight used to be at 25%, now I think he is between 30-40%. I need to cook separately for Brian too, he can’t handle food that we eat. You said you offer Henry hot cereal in the morning, do you still use those rice cereal or oatmeal cereal from Gerber or beech nuts, if not what kind of cereal do you use? I try to find some breakfast idea for Brian, he is allergic to egg.

[Anonymous]

Wow! Brians weight is fantastic!!!! I say go for it. As long as he doesn’t drop too much. And he should recover it easily. You’ll know if it’s critical or not. Just my thinking. See, Henry started out in the 90% then dropped to the 10th by 9mths! It freaked me out. My docs didn’t say much about it, but I knew he looked skinny. So to me, Henry being at 25% is a success. You just know in your heart if it’s an issue or not.

Hot cereal…. well, we aren’t doing gluten, so the oatmeal is out. I was feeding him instant oatmeal- the lower sugar kind. He did awesome with it. Now, I get Bob’s Red Mill hot rice ferina. If I can’t find that, I just buy the cream of wheat brand of rice cereal. It is right next to the cream of wheat and in a box like that. The Bob’s seems to have a bit more texture to it. I don’t think either have egg as an issue. I also do gluten free pancakes for him. Do all pancakes have egg in them? Hmmm. What about the “just add water” ones? Toast? English muffins? Wow! Eggs is a tough one for breakfast. Fruit. yogurt? The rice cereal is a nice change. How about different cereals?

Makes me glad we’re not dealing with an egg issue!

OH< almost forgot… my due date is Aug. 30. C-section scheduled for the 23rd Yippee……………..

[Author]

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