Infantreflux.org | cio. is this how it goes?

This topic has 41 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 19 years, 7 months ago by Anonymous.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 42 total)

1 2 3 →

Author

Posts
March 15, 2007 at 2:30 am #27550

Anonymous
Inactive

shelby—you may not have a long road ahead of you. i think that if you are really consistent with making him cry and learn to go back to sleep on his own that it might only take about a week. when my twins were little their most wakeful time was from 10 pm to 1 am. i had to make a change. we made sure that they were fed, burped and had a clean diaper and then we put them in bed at 10 pm. the first night they cried for 45 min, but by a week they were going to bed at 10 pm.

March 15, 2007 at 11:08 am #27564

Anonymous
Inactive

I am trying to be as consistent as possible. There were a few things I hadn’t thought about, like do I feed him and if so when? If I do that when do I break that? Does he go back in the room with me after he is used to this? I can’t believe there is so much to think about. Before I went to bed, my plan was to feed him the first time he woke up and then not again until morning. I had no idea how much he ate at night. I was so engorged after only a few hours of not feeding him. Also there were times, I was questioning if he was really hungry because he would go to sleep only to wake again in 10 min or so. I think he has been getting most of his calories at night since he eats all night long. He also won’t take any solids anymore so bm is all he gets. I have been trying to give him food in his mesh bag and also cut stuff up. I’m having a hard time though figuring out what stuff to cut up to give him. I don’t want to do banannas all the time. I have tryed banannas and plums. He is apparently tired of his star puffs and cheerios too because he eats a few and then just throws the rest on the floor. I know we will have all this figured out soon. With the cio thing though, I don’t want to prolong it, but do want to make it as gentle as possible. I saw some good signs last night with the cio. Like he would play with his fingers or blanket. Also, he would watch me to make sure I wasn’t going to leave him. If any of you pray, please pray for us. I am trying so hard to be gentle. I have waited so long to even do this. I am just hoping for some mercy. I will keep you updated and probably whine here and there.

March 15, 2007 at 1:06 pm #27569

Anonymous
Inactive

Shelby,

You don’t need to be so hard on yourself!!! It will just drive you crazy… You don’t need prayers or mercy (unless the prayers are that the sleep training is over fast, and the mercy is that you can all get some sleep)- CIO is not a sin. It’s a very well published and well accepted way to teach children to sleep. Whether or not people like it, is up to them.

My feeling is that desperate times call for desperate measures. If it makes you feel any better, the approach that you’re using is called “controlled crying” as opposed to CIO… you’re not just leaving him there to cry nonstop, you’re acknowledging the crying while trying to teach him how to sleep. You might feel bad about it, but I think that you’re beating yourself up for nothing- NOT teaching him how to sleep because you never wanted him to cry would be a worse situation imo.

I don’t know if this helps you or not, but when I was reading some books to sleep train Sarah, I came across some readings about letting your children cry when sleep training that I found eased my apprehensions a bit. I can’t remember where I read it, but it said something along the lines of this:

As parents, we’re so used to jumping up and reacting the second our children cry. It’s basically a parental instinct that’s within us: to stop our kids from hurting. But it’s important to remember that not all crying means that a child is in pain and hurting. Babies who can’t talk yet will use crying to express all of their emotions- not just pain or hurt or sadness or anger, but also frustration, wanting, overstimulation, and even exhaustion. A baby who wakes up throughout the night out of habit and is greeted by a mother’s loving arms might cry when a change is made to this pattern. It’s their routine, and you’re changing things up… and who likes change, right? So the crying doesn’t necessarily mean “I hurt. Help me.”… sometimes it means “Hey, what’s going on? I don’t like this! You’re changing things around on me.”

Remembering that really helped me when I had to listen to Sarah cry to help her to sleep. I reminded myself that she wasn’t being tortured, I was just teaching her a life skill, and she was saying “Wait, I don’t like this”. So I would think to myself “I know you don’t like this, but I’m your mother, and I’m doing what’s best for you. When you can get a good night’s sleep, we’ll both know that I was right”. I know that sounds corny, but it helped me cope with the crying.

That being said, I’m not trying to be a hypocrite. With Hailey, I have always felt that she was waking out of pain for the most part. So I couldn’t leave her to cry, b/c the dialogue in my head was telling me “Help me mummy, I need you, I hurt”. Until I know that’s not the case, I won’t feel right about letting her cry, which I why we still get no sleep around here.

That’s also why we’re hoping for a sleep study and pH probe. These things might be valuable for you as well. (I know, broken record…)

About the consistency around the sleep training, I think that whatever you do, you need to keep things as consistent as possible. Do the sleep training in the same place that you will expect him to sleep after it is over. Moving him around will just confuse him. We have been told that a healthy baby without any feeding problems should not need night feedings past 6 months. Hailey still gets night feedings because of her feeding aversion. I plan to do the move out of our room, into her “big girl bed”, the sleep training, and the weaning of night feeds all at once.

Good luck.

s&h’s mum2007-3-15 13:8:5

March 15, 2007 at 1:08 pm #27570

Anonymous
Inactive

I hope that didn’t sound harsh. I didn’t mean to be offensive. I just think that you’re being way too hard on yourself.

March 15, 2007 at 1:44 pm #27575

Anonymous
Inactive

I think you are a caring mom, and you’re not really letting him cry it out since you’re there comforting him, although I know how hard it is. I did that with my oldest son when he was 7 months old and still waking every hour to nurse at night. I would pat his back and tell him it was ok and I loved him. I don’t remember how long it took (maybe 2 weeks?) but soon he was going to sleep quickly and staying asleep!

Good luck and I will pray for you that he quickly gets used to this and spares you too much heartache.

March 15, 2007 at 1:47 pm #27576

Anonymous
Inactive

Sorry you still have sleep issues… Matthew was an awful sleeper and CIO did help but i was very very firm with what i did, where i did it, how i reacted to his crying etc. The best book for CIO, in my opinion is Weissbluth’s book — i think it is called “somthing sleeping, happy child” (sorry it is somewhere in the attic)… if you have no books, i strongly recommend getting one — 1. you will feel better about what you are doing and 2. really explains why you should or / and should not be reacting certain ways etc.

Good luck – the lack of sleep is so hard…

March 15, 2007 at 2:52 pm #27585

Anonymous
Inactive

Lori, that is what I meant that it would be over soon. I don’t feel like I’m doing anything wrong or sinful.

okay, I am about to go crazy. here is our sleep log from last night and today. put him down at 8 and he cio until 8:40. He woke at 9:40 and by 9:45 he was asleep again. He woke at 11:00 ate and I put him back down at 11:26. He woke again at 1:45 cio until 3:07 and went to sleep. Woke at 4:45 ate cio until 6:06 went back to sleep and woke at 7:00. My dh and son came in at that point and we played a bit. He went down for a nap at 7:59 cio until 8:42 and woke at 9:09. I gave up. Next nap went down at 11:43 cio until 12:05 and woke at 12:30. I went back in there and it is now 1:50 and he is still crying. What is the deal. I spend an hour getting to sleep only to have him wake again in 30 min. I am about to go out of my mind here. Oh, and he keeps crapping his pants. He has never pooped so much in one day. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is this how this is supposed to be? I spend an hour of crying to only get 30 min of sleep? What a jip. I am so tired myself it is taking everything in me to not just scream at him to shut up.

March 15, 2007 at 3:27 pm #27587

hellbennt
Keymaster

ok: here’s an idea

feed him & put him down to sleep drowsy & leave the room

let him cry for as many minutes as he weighs (this was ‘taught’ to me by my lactation consultant)

so if he’s 16lbs, then that’s 16minutes

it will feel like FOREVER but her logic had something to do with their weight, I dont know exactly the logic but basically it gives you a concrete amount of time you will allow him to cry…

then, if he’s not asleep or hasn’t gotten quieter/whimpering, go in to him, get him to sleep, leave the room and let him cry his weight in minutes & so on…

who knows? maybe he’ll konk out soon into the ____amount of minutes?

as for it taking an hour to get him down for a nap- I think the ‘rule’ is that once an hour has gone by and there’s no nap, you just scrap the nap…and continue about your day until the next nap/bed time…

March 15, 2007 at 3:32 pm #27588

Anonymous
Inactive

I don’t know how much advice I can give, as I’m a new mom, but maybe it’s WORSE having you sit next to him? Maybe try going in, patting his back, telling him you love him (not feeding), and then leaving the room- Do this every 15 minutes at first, then stretch it out to 30 minutes, then, 60 minutes- until he sleeps- But, don’t sit there by his side until he falls asleep because then he is still using you to fall asleep- Maybe it’s more frustrating for him because he can see you, but you won’t hold him? – Maybe it’s better to go in, comfort, then leave? He needs to learn that you are not going to come in and rescue him, and maybe the problem is that when he wakes up, and you are not there, he gets upset, becuase you were there the entire before he fell asleep? Again, I could be totally off-case, as I can’t tell if you stay with him the entire time, or leave him when he’s crying-

If you do stay with him, then he is still basically relying on your presence, so maybe doing the more traditional, ferber method, where you comfort, but leave, he will learn that he can comfort himself- Just a thought-

Also, I agree, that if he doesn’t need the calories at night, then he should not be fed when he cries- I would feed him as much as you can during the day and before bed, but after that, no more until morning- I am not saying any of this is easy, but it doesn’t sound like feeding him at night is comforting him anyway- usually, if they are just hungry, they will eat and go back to sleep, so if he isn’t, then maybe he just wants you, and knows that if he screams, you will be by his side, even if he screams for hours..

my two cents…again, I don’t have any experience with this, it’s just a thought…

March 15, 2007 at 4:58 pm #27598

Anonymous
Inactive

I do stay in the room with him. I don’t know if I could leave him. I have left a few times and he freaks out. He is so scared. The last time I left him to post. I went back into the room after 1 and 1/2 hours and he was so freaked out. I gave in and picked him up and he just clung to me, shaking. I can’t do that to him. Luke never did that. Not that I can remember anyway. I did not stay in the room with Luke. I would put him down and leave the room. I just want to do it a gentler way. Can’t there be a gentler way? If not then I guess I will just be sleeping with Justice until he’s two. That’s just me. I feel like it’s good he knows I’m there. I don’t want him to feel like I’m never coming back. I guess that was my request for mercy and prayers. I just hope that God will help me. I don’t think I could do this for weeks, but don’t know what else to do. Sorry, can’t focus. Justice is clinging to me and crying.

I just realized it makes it sound like I left him to cry for an hour and a half . He had already been crying for an hour or more when I left the room. I posted and went back up.

Justice’smom2007-3-15 17:10:54

March 15, 2007 at 6:36 pm #27600

Anonymous
Inactive

Again, i think that maybe reading a book will help. We really followed Weissbluth and it was hard but not impossible.

1. for naps, they would end the nap after 1 hour of crying for example… so tehy would never let them cry for longer than that

2. he is going to freak out when you leave but you can do it slowly… so the first night, you leave for 1 minute, let him cry, come back, make sure he sees you, talk to him and pat (all maybe 20 seconds)… then leave for 1 minute, come back etc… you will be exhausted but this is what we did. Second night, 2 minute intervals etc (actually i think we did 1,3,5,7 etc…). But being there will not help supposedly.

Also, does he have a set schedule for naps? So maybe get him to sleep 3 naps at that age (although Matthew was on 2 already and 1 by 13months) and just schedule one hour each… the pick him up after that one hour if he is awake

March 15, 2007 at 8:01 pm #27602

Anonymous
Inactive

Dear Shelby, I am not one who would let their child CIO. With that said, with ours, I would lay them down after reading to them and after they were quite drowsy. I would then say -* Mommy has to read HER book now. You have to lay down.* I would sit there and read. It took several days before he would just lay there, but eventually after shaking his crib so hard and so long that I thought the screws were going to fly out and stick in the walls, he would lay down and read HIS book and hold his blanket.

Kids like to know we are near. We just need to teach them what is expected of them – and repetition shows them that. I suppose that means CIO or whatever method you choose.

It is so hard. Are you sure that Luke doesn’t have a tooth coming in or an ear infection or fluid? I hate to say that it sounds like something else is going on, but that is a lot of waking from a healthy child!!! I just wondered if ??something else?? was going on. ??Just a thought.

Good luck! It is so very hard. Hugs to you and Luke.

March 16, 2007 at 5:29 am #27617

Anonymous
Inactive

Shelby…you are in the best position to know what is right for Justice. I know it is hard to trust your instinct when so much is happening…but beleive in yourself…we believe in you…trust your instinct and do what you feel most comfortable with. This is all going to end one day…I know it…and Justice will love his mommy for ever

March 16, 2007 at 1:46 pm #27631

Anonymous
Inactive

Shelby- Do what you feel best about- If you don’t feel comfortable leaving him, then don’t. I don’t think I could do the CIO method, and not a lot of other mothers can either- He sounds like a special case in that most babies with CIO respond rather quickly, and at least sleep for more than an hour, so it is worth their time spent- obviously thgat won’t work for you and him right now. Maybe something else is going on with him, but even if it isn’t, do what you feel good about. I wish I would have gone with my instinct a lot more when I was dealing with SAdie’s bad reflux, as all she wanted was to be held, and I kept hearing others say “you’ll spoil her” and “you hold her too much.” Well, they were wrong, and I stressed for nothing- When she was ready, she started sleeping without me, and we got through it. I spent many nights on the couch, or with her in our bed, but I felt I had to do it- So, go with what you feel okay about- If that means taking longer for this sleep situation to resolve, then so be it- Good luck and many prayers-

March 18, 2007 at 3:43 pm #27766

Anonymous
Inactive

I figured I should update you all. This has been quite a long process and I am so tired. Wednesday night he woke 5x and got 6 hrs sleep, Thursday he woke 5x and got 9 hrs sleep, Friday he woke 4x and got 11 hrs sleep, and last night he woke 5x and got 10 hrs sleep. That may not make sense. Basically it all depends on how long it takes him to get back to sleep. The first night there were two hours we were up and trying to get him back to sleep. His naps are still pretty crummy, but one day he did get a one hour nap.When we first started the process he would go to sleep with me rubbing his back. Now however, he doesn’t want me to rub his back so it is taking a little longer, but he is going to sleep on his own. I still have to keep laying him down, but eventually he gives in and just lays there and goes to sleep. Hopefully things will get better soon. Just thought I would update you all.
Author

Posts