Dealing with a sensitive DC

[Anonymous]

Seth is really sensitive and gets his feelings hurt easily and I don’t know how to deal with it or if it is even normal.

For instance, he will get upset and say that I am showing him my “mad face” and does not like it when we raise our voices at him. I try to explain that sometimes we have to yell to get his attention so he doesn’t get hurt, etc (like to stay with me in a busy parking lot). He also told me today that he does not like school anymore because one of the teachers raises her voice at the class.

He is also sensitive to his surroundings (takes a few minutes to adapt to new situations) and noise. Don’t know if that is related or not. I asked his ped. and she does not think he has sensory problems.

He also gets hysterical when he notices scrapes or bruises on him even if they are a couple of days old and getting better.

There is more but that’s all I can think of now. DH thinks we should take him to a child psychologist but that seems extreme to me.

Any insight or advice? TIA!

edited to add that I remembered something else- when DH and I are laughing, he will say to quit laughing at him but we are laughing because he is doing something cute not because we are making fun of him…

Mom2Seth2009-05-14 14:59:30

[Anonymous]

i think i agree with you that a child psych at this point is a little extreme. some kids are just more sensitive than others and we just have to do our best to talk to them and explain things the best we can. my 11 year old still melts into tears over what seem like some of the silliest things to me. i don’t exactly handle it the best, either, i have to admit. example: recently we were learning to tie knots in scouts—i was learning right along with the boys—he couldn’t get it within the first few tries and ended up in tears—and i ended up getting upset with him for crying.

i try to let him know that it is ok to cry, but that there are some things that are not crying things. i didn’t consider not being able to learn how to tie a knot in the first few tries a “crying thing.”

you might try and distract him with the scrapes and bruises by saying things such as, “boy, that is a neat looking bruise—you must have been doing something that was so much fun that you didn’t even know you did it.” then maybe make a game of thinking about all the different things he could have done to get the bruise—you can get really silly with this one.

my son also gets his feelings hurt easily—like the time we were stacking wood. all the kids were unloading wood and handing it to me while i stacked it against the house. i would just turn, grab, and stack—-hardly paying attention to who was handing me logs. he got upset because he had been standing there with a piece of wood longer than one of the other kids—and i grabbed the other child’s piece of wood first.

it sounds like you are already talking to him about feelings and why we raise our voices for reasons other than anger.

just my opinion, but as far as the teacher–you can’t change much about this year, but since he is a sensitive child, i would speak to the principal before future placements and try to make sure that he gets a teacher that is less likely to be a yeller. some teachers yell and are still great teachers, but not every child, when they are young, can handle that. i’m sure there are alot of people who don’t agree with my theory on this—they say that kids need to learn to deal with difficult people, too, but not when they are this young. that can be saved for older grades. if nothing else, sympathize with him about how lousy it is when a teacher yells, but that maybe she was just having a bad day and something bad had happened to her on the way to school (or whatever scenareo you can come up with.)

[Anonymous]

This is so tough. We have days that things roll off my kids and days when it is the ultimate worst thing that will ever happen in their lives…. I agree with Christine, that a child psych is a little premature…. Will Seth go to Kindergarten, in Sept or still be in the daycare? Will he have the same teacher if he is staying? Might not be something there you can change, but I agree with Christine, that you should talk with the principal if he is going to Kindergarten to make sure he has a sensitive teacher. We got this form home in the backpacks that asked us prior to them picking next years teachers. We can write things like “is very sensitive to yelling,” etc… but you can’t write a teacher’s name that you want your child to have.

Hang in there! Hopefully it will be a phase and it will pass. It is so hard sometimes.

BTW, Seth is going to be FIVE this year!!!! Can you believe how old our children have gotten!!!

[hellbennt]

jonah still cries about stuff, too. we’re like christine w/ the ‘things to cry about…’ and he also went through a time (still happens tome to tome!) when he felt we were always laughing at him…

hugs! I like everyone’s suggestions!

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone for the tips and encouragement. He really is a sweet child just takes everything so personally.

Christine, when I said school, I meant preschool (aka glorified daycare) at this point and the thing is I am not totally convinced the teacher is yelling, I think that is just his perception of it but maybe I will mention it to the director to be sure. That is what concerns me. Thanks for sharing about your son, he and Seth sound a lot alike.

Ann Marie, Seth will start PreK in the Fall. He missed the K cutoff because of his Dec. birthday. I am actually glad he will get the extra year so we can work on some things. He will be staying at the center he is in now that has a private PreK. I figured that would be best for him since he does not transition well.

Hi, Laura and thanks again! I always value your input since I know you are a school counselor….

Mom2Seth2009-05-15 09:41:15

[Anonymous]

Coming in super late here, but I agree with the others that it just sounds like he’s just on the sensitive side.

One of the things to watch for is facial expressions that do match the situation (at ALL) or if he has inability to read facial expressions or lack of empathy, etc. That doesn’t sound at all like it’s a problem, I just wanted to tell you what to look out for. 😉 kade titers somewhere on the border of autism & aspergers (like he’s walking a line between the 2) and while he is empathetic and sorry if he does something wrong, he has a hard time reading social cues, facial expressions, etc, and he DEF has odd reactions in the wrong situation (laughs/cries at innappropriate times)

Hope that helps! I hope things are going better at school now! Kade is starting pre-K in the fall, and I am so happy that he will be in a social setting b/c I know it’s going to be great for him.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, Jill.

I have read your older posts about Kade starting Pre-K this fall too. I hope it goes smoothly for both of our boys!! I still can’t believe they will be 5 this year!

[Anonymous]

Tiffany,

This sounds exactly like Hailey, though Hailey is a bit worse even I think, b/c she’s a crier. She’ll cry hysterically at the drop of a hat, and has a hard time recovering. If I speak sternly to her when she’s not listening, or have to put her in time out, she starts sobbing, and she’s so hysterical, screaming “huggie, huggie”, or “mummy doesn’t like me”. Or if she bumps herself the slightest she’s all worked up about it. She’s definitely a sensory kid, like many of our past refluxers. With the laughing- both my kids have gone through that, hailey’s still in it. We were at a cooking party and the people in charge asked the kids what kinds of things they could put on pizza. One kid said cheese, then hailey immediately put up her hand (which shocked me b/c she’s so shy) and said in her softest voice ever “marshmallows”, to which all the grownups started to laugh, and to which Hailey started to sob.

I definitely find the sensitive child thing to be a challenge, but I guess what goes around comes around- I was one, and still am a sensitive adult. Hang in there. Hailey also starts Junior Kindergarten in September- I hope they don’t eat her alive.

Good to hear from you.

[Anonymous]

Hi Lori, good to hear from you too! Sounds like Hailey and Seth still have a lot in common . Seth is always asking for “huggies” too. Poor Hailey- that’s so cute what she said but sad that her feelings get hurt about the marshmallows!

Seth cries too. Like yesterday morning, we all got up and DH started to walk down the stairs and Seth all of a sudden hits the floor crying. It turns out he was upset his dad did not carry him down. They have a special ritual of making coffee together (DH lets Seth put the scoops in and turn the maker on) and he thought DH did not want his help and was going to do it without him.

It is challenging to say the least!

Sorry I posted and ran on my other update about him hopefully weaning off of the meds- I did read everyone’s responses though. I am sorry Hailey is still having a rough time at night. Knock on wood, Seth is doing really well. We still have to usually be with him to get him to sleep and if he wakes up he wants one of us but the reflux seems to be under control most of the time. We haven’t tried to decrease the meds yet- we go on vacation mid next month and I thought we would wait until after that in case his reflux does flare up.

Take care!!

[Author]

Posts