Explosion of bedtime/naptime battles

[Anonymous]

I have hesitated for days as to whether I should post this, as I know many of you are struggling with reflux-related issues that pale in contrast to this. Yet, I find myself here, posting out of desperation because I can find no one I know personally who has had the same experience I am having, but I know I can’t be alone.

Two and a half weeks ago, Ethan came down with a cold. Runny nose, congestion etc. During the first week, his congestion was severe, so he had trouble going to sleep and staying asleep. Understandably, this resulted in a lot of tears and resistance when it came to bedtime. A few nights, I spent the better part of the time sleeping with him in a chair, so I could hold him upright and he could breathe better. Yet, as his congestion improved, he was still fighting me, full-on, at bedtime and naptime. I know that even babies who know how to fall asleep on their own can revert back to wanting to be coddled at bedtime post-illness, post-teething etc, as they’ve gotten used to it again. Therefore, this didn’t concern me at first. However, as it persisted, I did grow concerned and took him to the doctor who told me he had a “very subtle” infection in one ear (a 2-3 on a 1-10 scale) and prescribed an antibiotic. He has now been on that for over a week and the battles continue. Specifically, I rock him and either talk softly/sing to him until he’s completely relaxed, but awake, and then place him in his crib. He immediately rolls to his side, bolts upright and starts bawling like he is heartbroken. I finally gave up and resorted to crying it out. This has gone on for days and days, but hasn’t let up at all. At nighttime, he cries for about a half hour and goes to sleep, but often wakes up in the middle of the night. When this happens, I can’t get him back to sleep unless I bring him into my bed. At naptime, he cries so long, I finally give in. It is so sad. He just hangs on the side of his crib with tears and snot pouring down his face. He is having slightly more trouble than usual sleeping at his DCP, but does not battle them as much as he does me. I can’t even begin to explain how awful it makes me to leave my child crying and screaming every time he needs to sleep. I am so confused…I just want to do the right thing. For the life of me, I can’t understand what happened. He’s been able to fall asleep on his own since he was 4.5 months old and stopped giving us any sleep battles at that point. What could have possibly caused this explosion of bedtime anxiety? I should note, he still is not 100% over his cold, but could that really be it? Could it be tied to his newfound ability to crawl and sit up (from a lying down position) on his own? I don’t know how much longer I can stand to hear my little sweetheart cry EVERY SINGLE TIME I put him down for bed. Does anyone know what might be going on? He doesn’t seem to have separation anxiety, but maybe I’m wrong. Please help!

tillerlb2006-2-27 19:19:43

[hellbennt]

yikes!

I think I had a rule (me & my wacko rules) that I wouldn’t let Jonah cry longer than his weight, at least for naps- so if he was 15lbs, I’d let him cry 15minutes…then I’d go in & try and get him down again. If I couldn’t get him to sleep (for a nap- ee gads this boy wouldn’t nap!!!), then I just gave up and would put him to bed an hour earlier…

not sure what else to suggest…

I totally know how you feel about the crying!!! We went through this for naps- I tried CIO for naps and the poor baby cried an hour for days! That was that. I quit.

hang in there!
~laura

[Anonymous]

Lara – if everything medical has been ruled out, it sounds like
separation anxiety to me – which generally strikes hardest at about
Ethan’s age or a bit younger (and can sometimes only strike at night
when it’s dark and lonely). Unfortunately, CIO can make SA worse – so
maybe just if you keep going in to reassure him it will help? Does he
calm at all if you come into the room and reassure him with your voice
but don’t pick him up? Have you tried giving him something with your
scent on it – like a worn t-shirt or a baby blanket you’ve slept with
for a few nights?
knb182006-2-28 6:7:15

[Anonymous]

Hi – this is my response to another post on CIO. . .I agree with Karen that

CIO can actually increase seperation anxiety and makes things worse at

certain ages. This technique below worked wonders for me but I had to

sleep on the floor in my dd’s room a couple nights just to get her to lay

down because we had done CIO also and it just wasn’t working. The

sleeping on the floor is a recommendation by the baby whisperer to

counteract CIO anxiety and it worked great. Good luck. .. .Liz

in lui of CIO I suggest the Baby Whisperers pick up

put down (pupd) technique. . . try it with the first wake up for the first

three days to a week and then do the next wake up etc. It really worked

wonders for my chronic night waker. The thing I found with CIO (and

believe me we did it) was that it only served to stress me out and make

my dd (Sophia) mistrustful of what the heck I was doing at night with her.

IE – its not consistent because most times your mothers heart can’t take

the crying! If you do the CIO and it doesn’t work within 10-20 minutes I

would reconsider training technique. Of course everyone has got to let

their lo’s CIO once in a while but it wasn’t for us to break a really bad

habit with my dd.

The pupd technique is this – you go in when they start to cry, you pick

them up VERY breifly and say “its time to sleep” or some reassuring catch

phrase. DO NOT sound sympathetic as its all about being in charge. After

the baby stops crying (a minute or so) lay them down immediately and

say ok – time for bed. If they pop back up crying – repeat the whole

thing. The key is to continue to be consistent with making it clear that its

time for bed and they are not getting up with you. My daughter had MSPI

and reflux and was up EVERY hour for a year – after we straightened out

the medical side of things we had a terrible sleeper on our hands. This

was the only way we finally cured her of it. Works great for relapses too.

In some ways its very similiar to CIO in that there is a lot of crying . .. its

more tedious because your really reinforcing but it seems to be much

more of a teaching thing than just saying OK – your stuck in your crib and

too bad. I sort of felt like I had created our nighttime problem so it was

up to me to solve it – not just let my dd wonder where the heck I was. I

also read somewhere that many kids that are left to CIO have a much

greater tendency to become escape artists and jump the crib to get to

you. ..something I didn’t want to push the envelope with.

Good luck and hope you get some sleep soon no matter what you choose

to do. HTH’s

[Anonymous]

When Emma started to crawl and pull herself up to things her bedtime kept getting later and later because all she wanted to do was play, she had no time to sleep or nap, so there was some crying of not wanting to settle down. She still doesn’t sleep through the night and I think some of it is teething and some of it is wanting mommy time. I work full time and dont’ get home till around 5:30 and I know she misses me. So I do believe that both of those do play big factors in the crying episodes. I didn’t know that he was off meds (sorry I don’t get to come out her alot). When Emma’s reflux was bad she got colds alot and it took her forever to get over them. She has not had one cold since being on a good dosage of Zegerid. Can I ask how you know that he is not refluxing and not hurting from that? Just a thought

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone! Sophia’s Mom – I thought about what you said and realized it probably is separation anxiety. So, last night, I tried CIO with very short (5 minute, then 10 minute) intervals where I would come in, pick him up, hold him until he calmed down (usually about 1 minute), and just said “It’s ok honey. It’s night night. Mommy go night night, Daddy go night night and Ethan go night night”. It took 45 minutes of this, but he finally went down without a fuss and I’m happy to say during that whole 45 minute period, he never got so worked up that he was absolutely hysterical, like he has been lately. Tonight, he went to bed without any fuss AT ALL (after over two weeks of pure bedtime hell). Hopefully, he sleeps peacefully all night. Karen, I also put one of my worn t-shirts in his crib last night and once he finally did go to sleep, he slept all night, so I think that may have helped too.

Have any of you introduced transitional objects? If so, at what age and how?

(Hi Brandy… Regarding your question…After he got over his cold, Ethan didn’t seem to be remotely uncomfortable/in pain. I know reflux can resurface, but he wasn’t acting “refluxy” at all – just different.)

[Anonymous]

Great news Lara! Hope it continues.

[Anonymous]

Glad to hear it Lara!

Does sounds like SA and sounds like it might be getting better. What
can also help is playing a lot of peekaboo games with him and spending
as much one on one time with him during awake times.

Marisa has always slept with her blankie (cloth diaper/burp cloth) and
her dolly – a small Carters soft doll made for babies. When she was
really young she would just clutch the blankie – she liked the way it
felt. She still does but now often looks for dolly and it really seems
to help her settle – especially if she wakes in middle of night and
it’s not from pain.

You may want to pick a nice blanket or stuffed animal and try to get
him attached to it. If there’s anything he already gravitates toward,
use that. Otherwise, you can choose something – just try to pick
something that you can get multiples of/replace. Then give it to him
whenever you are cuddling, you can put it on his lap when feeding, etc
and give it to him at naps and bedtime – tell him here’s your blankie
(or Teddy, whatever), it’s naptime/bedtime…

[Author]

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