Extreme clinginess to ME

[Anonymous]

Sorry guys…I’m back with more questions! Well, one question in particular. Sarah had a nasty sinus infection 2-3 weeks ago and was sicker than she’s ever been. She has been well for over a week now but her clinginess to me hasn’t stopped. She is so so so so so whiney with ME. ONLY ME. She doesn’t act this way around DH or anyone else. She is demanding to be held and carried all over the house. I have to be sitting with her no matter what toy she is playing with. She used to be such an AWESOME independent little gal. She’d play by herself and only come to me when she needed something. Things are SO different now that it’s hard for me to grasp what is going on.

I have read and heard many places to walk away from temper tantrums and stay firm. Do I do the same thing when she demands to be carried? Do I stay firm when I tell her NO that I won’t go sit down by her on the floor? Don’t get me wrong, I am HAPPY to play and interact with her. It’s NOT that I want to ignore her and leave her to fend for herself…but 24/7 is about to drive me nuts!

Her naps have become a struggle as well. She hasn’t cried to go down to sleep in a long long long time. Now we are forced to let her cry when we put her down for a nap. She’ll only cry for a minute or two but even THAT is such strange behavior from her.

Is it separation anxiety? Is this a phase? Am I encouraging her to act this way by NOT putting my foot down? DH keeps saying “Just put her down and let her cry” I asked him tonight again what he thought I should do and he just threw his arms in the air and said “Honey I have no idea”…so here I sit asking you gals for help!

I went shopping the other day for several hours and DH said he had a fantastic day with Sarah and she was totally “normal”. Grrrr.

I noticed a lot of the problems started also when her speech improved. She is stringing together 2 and 3 word sentences…that are more like COMMANDS. Is her newfound language causing this behavior? Mommy go upstairs, mommy go downstairs, mommy sit down, mommy get up, mommy come here, mommy hold me, mommy more please…I could go on and on.

I know she is a TODDLER and very ego centric…but I need realistic solutions to deal with her. I guess this is probably normal behavior at some point in a toddler’s life but how do I keep it from being PERMANENT behavior? What is going on? HELP!

[Anonymous]

I have no advice but I’m voting it’s a phase. 😉 Gabby has gotten so clingy with me over the past weeks. When Daddy comes home from work, she turns around and runs into my arms. When she’s upset, only mommy can solve it. I am a stay at home mom and I’m with her ALL DAY but she still is preferring me. And when she is tired or hungry, she whines to me. I’m hoping it’s just a phase because I’m worn out. I’d really like her to rely on daddy for something.

Wow, three phrase sentences? She sounds like a real smartie. I’m astounded at the amount of words Gabby picks up as of late but the only thing she can tell me related to what she wants me to do is telling me more, all done, or telling me she wants to be put down. I can’t wait until she can communicate more. Good luck. Hopefully, this will pass soon.

[Anonymous]

Alex has been doing this a lot lately as well, although she has been doing it to me, dh and grandma. She demands to be picked up and carried all of the time (she’s only recently started using words, before that it was screeching at us and lifting her arms up). Dh and I have been trying to find a neutral balance, picking her up enough so that she’s not being neglected, but ignoring her when it gets to be ridiculous. Usually she screeches at us for a few minutes, then gives up and goes on about her business. Grandma tends to carry her for the entire time that she’s watching her and then complain that her back hurts.

I could be imagining it, but I think she’s doing it less to dh and I now, so I’m hoping that the phase will end soon. Grandma says that she still constantly demands to be held, so I like to think that the ignoring tactic worked, but again, I could be totally wrong.

[Anonymous]

Amy,

for your sake I hope it is just a phase. Cooper is super clingy with me and always has been. Probably b/c Dh didn’t really participate until the last month or so in much of his care. I know what you are going through. Sometimes we just have to let them cry which I hate. Cooper is pulling up on me and then wants to be held and about 50% of the time I hold him and then the other 50% I walk him into a room and we play…..Who knows but keep us updated.

[Anonymous]

I vote its a phase as well..

Shane is the same way… but with dh and grandma too. I CANT leave the room.. or go anywhere where he isnt. Or he will be whiny..and want to be held. I think the only thing to do is reasure them everything is alright.. that we are there.. and hold them and then put them down. I might not be right.. but that is what I do.. and I think he understands somewhat. He has never been very independant so this isnt very new to me.. but it does get better and worse depending on the month 😉 I think they just really love us with them and need our attention?

Hope it doesnt last too long!

[Anonymous]

Seth can get this way too with me. It is flattering and exhausting all at the same time!

One of my friends’ DS also does this. She told me it is natural for the child to favor the parent who cares the most for the child. I do think it is a phase though!

[Anonymous]

ME TOO. Alana will turn away from DH everytime he comes in the room and snuggle into me. I feel so sorry for him sometimes. The only time she will leave me alone is when I put Hi-5 on. I’m just rolling with the punches at this stage and when I need a bit of a break (like now) I put hi-5 on (yes I know you shouldn’t use TV as a babysitter but sometimes a girl has got to do what a girl has got to do!)

Kathy and Amy, I am also astounded by your girls vocab. Alana trys but is nowhere near that. WOW!

[hellbennt]

about the vocabulary: WOW!

jonah was an ‘early’ talker

but this Ari kid…..

ummmm

he barely says anything…(mama, dada, nana (jonah) & he’ll sometimes tell you what a duck says or what a cow says….)

he does, however, point & whine/grunt/etc to get what he wants

and he does understand EVerything…

So be proud of those unusually verbose babies, mamas!

as for the super cling & the behavior- this too shall pass…

if you’re interested, read some parenting books-

http://www.thebabywearer.com/cgi-bin/bookshop.pl?locale=us&cat=pg

I couldn’t get through Alfie Kohn’s Unconditional Parenting (bottom book listed from the above link), but it’s supposed to be a good read/resource…

I’ve skimmed through/surfed around here:

http://joanneaz_2.tripod.com/positivedisciplineresourcecenter/id23.html

and, I skimmed through The Blessings of a Skinned Knee- it’s pretty good…

hope this helps

[Anonymous]

Yep, I say phase too. The whole separation anxiety saga can continue for quite some time, and I found (with Claire) that when she didn’t really go through it at the 9 month mark, like most kids do, she did go through it later. And, unfortunately, because she was older, it was much more annoying than it would have been when she couldn’t talk or pull on my leg all day long.

As for realistic solutions… hmmm.. these are just suggestions, but I would be sure to remind her to say “please” when she is demanding you to do something. I always ask Ben to say “please” when he is asking to be picked up, for more, etc.

Napping, I would just stick with the same routine you have always done, sing the same songs, read the same books, etc. Remind her you will be back to get her when she wakes up, etc. And then just let her be. Sad as it is to hear her, I wouldn’t worry about a couple of minutes of fussing. She is just letting you know she would rather be with you!

Getting her to play alone is a whole different issue. I struggle with this with Ben (especially when I’m trying to cook dinner!), but maybe give her something to play with right next to you while you do something else? Ben loves my pots and pans and will usually play for a bit with them, but he will still come over to be picked up for a minute every so often.

I’d say her recent sickness really threw her off, and she just needs a bit more time to adjust and get back to her old self.

I would say that the more she is saying, the more she is understanding, so maybe just try telling her that mommy can’t sit with you right now, but if you go play with her blocks for a few minutes, I will come play with you as soon as I’m done putting the dishes away????? And then if she throws a fit, let her and say, “I’m sorry you are unhappy. I will be able to play in just a few more minutes, but I’m not going to play while you are screaming, etc.” This is what I would do (and have done), but again, you know her best, so do what works for you and for her!!!

[Anonymous]

Oh my G-d, Amy…You’re describing Ariella. That’s too funny that I just posted this same (well, very similar) question at Medhelp. Ariella’s been impossible and I swear it’s targeted towards ME!! She’s an angel with everyone else and once I come into the picture, she becomes super cranky and wants no one else but me. She also thinks that she can get away with murder with me. The scary thing is that it’s becoming worse and worse. It’s as if she wants to see how much she can push my buttons. Sorry I have no suggestions. All I can say is that Ariella’s terrible 2 has started way too early 🙁 Wow on Sarah’s amazing expressive language. Ariella’s nowhere near that. She’s very expressive using her body language and her receptive language is amazing. When it comes to being verbal, it’s all in the body 🙁

[Anonymous]

I know you posted this awhile back, but Justice is going through the same thing. He will freak out if even my husband takes him. I have been told and believe it is sepeartion anxiety for him. They say seperation anxiety occurs every 9 months. Hope it’s better for you soon. All of you.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the reassurance Shelby! Things are somewhat better, but it really depends on the day of the week! I just never know when she will play by herself or demand my attention 24/7. She is back in the routine of going to daycare this week and I think that has helped a lot.

That’s interesting about separation anxiety cycling every 9 months. Do you know how long each phase lasts?? Hopefully sooner than later!

[Anonymous]

I have no idea how long each phase lasts. Justice has had seperation anxiety since, well forever. His has gotten a lot worse recently though. He used to stay with my husband just fine unless it was time to nurse and now he can’t stand to be without me. He will eventually calm down for my husband, but forget about anyone else taking care of him. He will just cry forever and then throw up. Oh well, it will all be over before I know it. Probably about the time I have another one he will be over it and then I will be starting over again. I’m sure I will look back and miss these days though.

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