he wants to feed himself should I let him

[Anonymous]

Brian really wants to feed himself now, he picks up small pieces of tofu, squash and noodle to feed himself, he gets mad when I use spoon to feed him, but how can he get enough cal through those little pieces of food, and there are very limited food that he likes. I feed him 6-8oz of puree every meals, and he barely gain any weight, he will not get 6-8oz by eating himself, then he will lost weight. What should I do? Sharon Liu2006-4-25 8:10:6

[Anonymous]

Well we found that we just had to let Owen feed himself, as much as that was hard at the beginning. He just WOULD NOT let us feed him, no matter what we did. So he was living on a pretty limited diet for a while but still seemed to gain. Could you let him feed himself at first and then feed him the puree after? Sometimes if Owen couldn’t feed himself enough then he would let us spoon feed him once he had tried for a while. Might that work?

[Anonymous]

Hi Sharon, Seth refuses to let us feed him with a spoon now. I really think they want to be independant at this age. He is pretty much doing all finger foods- gets messy at times and sometimes warrants a limited menu but it is working and he is gaining weight fine. Like Laura said, maybe you can try to sneak in some pureed foods in between bites or afterwards. Sometimes we can get Seth to take some applesauce that way (but usually ends up sticking his fingers in it to do it himself!). I know Brian is a little more picky than Seth but our staple finger foods are chicken nuggets, fish sticks, pasta (plain or with marinara sauce, cut up veggies & banana. He also loves teddy grahams, saltines and animal crackers for snacks.

[Anonymous]

Sharon, Our feeding therapist felt that doing finger foods would ultimately be the way for Hailey to overcome her feeding aversion. So even though she doesn’t put much at all (if anything) in her mouth, we still let her do it. Then we try to give some purees. She’s not getting that much by way of nutrition other than her bottles, but it’s all part of the experience. I know that Brian only takes two bottles now, but he’s also quite a bit older and children his age really don’t need much to grow, and in fact aren’t even expected to gain much during their second year of life. I really think that it’s a normal phase that Brian is going through- my older daughter wouln’t let me feed her anything at that age. She had to do it all herself, and BOY DID IT MAKE A MESS! Most of the time I saw 90 percent of it on the floor, so she wasn’t taking in much. But she still managed to grow. I think that if Brian is showing interest in feeding himself, you should go with it and let him try. It might just be what gets him over his feeding issues. At first he probably won’t get much in, but soon he will get more proficient at it, and more will go into his mouth. It’s really a learning process, and a good sign, I think. If you are concerned about weight, maybe you can do weight checks and work with your dietician or doctor to help give you some guidance. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I agree. Let him feed himself. That’s what he wants to do and he will become more proficient with time. I used to “sneak” in little bites of baby food while my girls fed themselves finger foods. They would be distracted by what they were doing, so sneaking in a few bites by spoon usually went unnoticed. (My girls didn’t have any food aversions, so this may not work with Brian, but it’s worth a try).

In any case, I would definitley let him feed himself as much as he wants. Like Lori said, this may help him get over some of his feeding aversion, and if you don’t let him do it now, he may not want to later, and then you will have missed this window of opportunity.

Good for him, that he wants to feed himself!! He’s growing up!!

ndrose2006-4-25 10:52:13

[Anonymous]

This little non-eater is so inconsistent, I let him feed himself during lunch today, but he only had two bites, then used his hand to rub his face and hair instead of eating, it is so frustrated.

Laura, Tiffany – How many oz of milk do Owen and Seth is drinking daily now? How many times a day do they eat? Do you give them snake after a meal? Can you please give me some idea of soft table food, thank you!

Lori, Christine – I really do not understand, does toddler need to eat less than infant? If they eat so little, how do they manage to gain weight?

[Anonymous]

Sharon, Seth usually gets an 8 oz. bottle of Alimentum thickened w/ rice cereal in the am and then a 4-5 oz. bottle with rice cereal at bedtime. We offer him rice milk throughout the day to drink in his sippy. He will usually drink probably 8 oz. of this. He also gets a little water too when I give him his Prevacid.

Their metabolism slows down at around 1 year so they do not need as many calories as they did when they were an infant. They also will not grow as fast in the 2nd year. Lori is right, they usually only gain a couple of pounds the second year and do not require as much food.

The best baby/toddler feeding/nutrition book I have found yet is this one:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1592574114/sr=8-1/qid=11459 82840/ref=sr_1_1/103-4565088-2380661?%5Fencoding=UTF8

It has info. on the nutrients they need as well as a lot of quick kid friendly recipes. I know Brian is in feeding therapy so maybe they could also help with some good finger foods to try?

[Anonymous]

sharon—-there will be times when toddlers will seem to eat next to nothing, maybe a tablespoon each of 3 different things. is brian considered failure to thrive? what is his weight? is your ped concerned about his growth?

[Anonymous]

Hi Sharon –

Owen has a cup of Alimentum in the AM along with his breakfast which is usually something like a few pieces of mini-wheats or a waffle and about 1/2 of a banana. He doesn’t usually finish his cup – he probably had about 4-5 ounces this morning. Then we send 6 ozs of alimentum and 6 ozs of rice milk with him to school – he comes home with one cup empty usually and maybe some of the other – depending on his mood that day. When he gets home we give him a drink of rice milk or water and he usually has a good amount of that – maybe 4 ozs or so. Then before bed he has an 8oz bottle that is thickened with 2 tbsp of rice cereal.

We basically let him have a drink whenever he wants to during the day, so I’d say that when he’s home with us he probably ends up having somewhere between 16 – 20 oz of alimentum and then 5 – 10 oz of rice milk/water/or juice. Apparently this guy is thirsty because I never realized how much he drinks each day!

As far as how often he eats, he has breakfast first thing. Then he has a snack usually around 10am or so. Sometimes if we’re eating breakfast a little later than him on the weekend he’ll have some of our eggs or something too – we figure that if he wants to eat another breakfast we’ll let him. Then he has lunch around noon usually. When he gets up from his nap around 2 or so he usually has a snack, and sometimes he has another snack at 4ish. Then he has dinner around 5:30 and his last bottle at 7. I guess it seems like we’re feeding him around the clock but he’s in a good period right now where he’s really hungry. He will go days where he won’t have anything but liquids – one day a few weeks ago he literally had 2 green beans and 1/4 of a chicken nugget and that was all the solids he ate all day.

Sorry that this got so long, and I’m not sure if it will even help. If you have any other questions please don’t hesitate to ask!

[Anonymous]

Sharon,

Yes, toddlers generally eat less than infants. They tend thin out a little because they are walking and more active. They grow taller, but their weight gain slows. Both of my girls ate much less after age one. I read somewhere that a serving of fruit or vegetable for a toddler is one tablespoon per year of age. Toddlers need surprisingly little. I’m always amazed when I read about toddler nutrition that they don’t need nearly as much as we think they need.

Reading some toddler nutrition books like the one Tiffany mentioned might help to ease your mind.

And, don’t be discouraged about the daily changes in his desire to eat. From my experience as a nanny and a mommy, I’ve learned that toddlers tend to go days or even weeks eating very little and then they’ll go through spurts when they eat a whole lot to make up for it. Just keep offering him healthy foods and let him decide if, and how much to eat. If his weight and growth is normal (according to your doctor) you probably don’t need to worry too much.

ndrose2006-4-25 13:31:28

[Anonymous]

Sharon, forgot to mention one soft food Seth loves- I make him mini muffins (blueberry or cinnamon) from a mix using rice milk. I usually give him one with breakfast. You can make a bunch and freeze them.

Also, our schedule is very similar to Laura’s/Owen’s. Three meals a day with a morning and afternoon snack on top of the bottles.

Don’t be discouraged that he doesn’t seem to be eating much (unless he is FTT or ped. is worried as Christine pointed out). There are many days that Seth gets way more food on the floor and in his lap than he does in his mouth!

[Anonymous]

Sharon,

As others have mentioned, children (babies) are expected to do a large percentage of their growth during their first year of life, and much less after age one. Their metabolisms slow down coincidentally at the same time as they become more active and want to be more independent- I really think it’s nature’s way of self preservation.

The dietician we are working with told me if I can get Hailey through her first year “on her curve”- which is around 40 percentile, then we really wouldn’t have to worry as much in her second year. The feeding doctor we see as well as the GI specialist have both told me that they are not expected to gain as much in their second year. In fact, they are expected to gain quite little- but they should at the very least maintain their weight and grow in length. They said that for children with feeding aversions, if you can get them to the point of self feeding at a decent weight on their curve, then you are in a better position to push them a bit and challenge them as needed in terms of calorie restriction and self-feeding. They told me that sometimes you really need to cut back on bottle feeds (as you have done) and let them develop self feeding skills, and even if they drop, they can drop up to 4-5 pounds (while being monitored) before they are too concerned. They consider the weight gain done in the first year as a “buffer” almost… he said it’s a like a bonus that gives them the room needed to play with.

In fact, I saw the feeding doctor last week and he told me that he wanted me to cut out Hailey’s night bottle. He was not concerned that she only takes 12-15 ounces, and only self-feeding a few puffs or cracker bites, and he understood that would mean that she was taking 9-12. She does take a few sips from a sippy but nothing major. He told me that we have to challenge Hailey a bit and create some hunger in her, as she is never hungry and obviously has a slow metabolism. He wanted me to do this for 2 days and see what happened and then call him back and he said he would monitor her closely. Alternately, he wanted to admit her to the pediatric ward which is his unit for a week and have the feeding team watch her eat (or not eat). He said that they would offer her the food and I would leave the room and then they would see what happened. I declined both of these options. I told him that I didn’t feel that hailey was old enough to do this, and that I was not prepared to cut out a huge portion of her calories until she had the physical skills needed to self feed, and had had some more time in feeding therapy and continued exposure to different foods to overcome her sensory issues related to food. I told him that at that time then I would consider cutting out more calories, because I would know that she at least had the preliminary skills needed to be successful. I also told him not before we did her scope.

Anyhow, sorry this is so long, but my point is that both of the docs I see are very well respected in their field, and they both told me to try to offer her various foods for self-feeding, continue feeding therapy, continue to offer puree, and give her the bottle, and not to worry about it because after they turn one they have a buffer zone. They also told me not to expect them to eat the same amount at each meal or the same from day to day, but rather to expect it to vary just as our eating does from meal to meal throughout the weeks. They told me that she is just learning, and sometimes things will click and she might take something, and the next time she won’t do anything but destroy our kitchen with it.

I have to tell you that if anyone understands where you’re coming from I do. I think that while her reflux has been terrible, her non-eating has almost driven me into the ground. It’s so scary and frustrating, but the truth is that you’re doing all you can to teach Brian to eat, and he is developing normally and wanting to do it himself. This is what we would expect. You really are doing a great job, and I hope that I am as patient and have success with Hailey as she grows older. It is scary, but worrying about it doesn’t make them eat, and I’ve learned that the hard way.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Sharon – this is the age when babies seem to live on a few scraps of bread and air, and somehow thrive. If you can, get a copy of “Touchpoints” by T. Berry Brazelton. Here is what he says in the chapter about one year olds:

“Not only should all feeding become finger food, but parents must not set their sights high for feeding a toddler. A ’rounded-diet’ cannot be a goal for the second year…over the course of a month, a baby may well consume a rounded diet. But whether she does or not had better not be a parent’s concern.”

Here’s his minimal daily diet for the second and third years:

1. One pint of milk (16oz) or its equivalent in cheese or yogurt.

2. Two ounces of iron containing protein (like meat or egg) or cereal fortified with iron.

3. One ounce of orange juice or fresh fruit.

4. One multivitamin to cover for uneaten vegetables.

He says mothers will say “You mean to tell me that’s all he needs in a 24 hour period?” He says even if he gets the mothers convinced, the grandmothers will worry.

I STRONGLY recommend this book…it deals with much more than feeding issues, and is incredibly helpful in understanding where your child is coming from in each stage of development…I must have read and reread this chapter a million times a day when Andrew was a year old to help keep me from losing my mind and pressuring him to eat…I know how hard this is, but you have to stop tracking what he eats. Forget about setting goals of so many ounces a day – he won’t tolerate purees much longer, and you can’t track finger food. (I know – I’ve tried.) I STILL have the notebook that tracks every miserable ounce of formula he drank (or went thru his NG tube) in his first year!

I know it seems scary, so tell yourself you’ll just try it for a few days, since he won’t starve in 3 or 4 days . Give him finger foods – let him eat as much or as little as he wants – let him make a huge mess – and when he says he’s done, let him get down, cheerfully, no matter how little he’s eaten. And don’t follow him around with food or bottles all day, just really leave it up to him. See what happens – I think you’ll find that you will both be happier and he will NOT lose weight. (as someone said, toddlers gain VERY little weight – a couple of pounds over the WHOLE YEAR!) And if it doesn’t go well? You can always go back to what you are doing now.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all so much for your respond, it really means so much to me, because I am sooooo clueless about this whole feeding thing.

During dinner tonight, I let Brian fed himself before I feed him, he did quite ok, but he stopped feeding himself after I started feeding him, I think he felt full after I fed him which discouraged him from feeding himself more, but if I did not feed him, he may not get enough cal, what should I do?

Laura, Tiffany – when did you decide to let Owen and Seth feed themselves completely (without sneaking the spoon in between bites)? I am really worried that sneaking bites in between will discourage him from self feed. What do you feed Owen and Seth for their snack? Do you offer milk with a meal or a snack? Brian is taking much less milk than Owen and Seth, he only has two bottles (which he will likely to drop soon), and he does not know how to use sippy, he knows how to use open cup, but hates to drink milk from it (maybe 1oz). (Tiffany) When you mention that give Seth milk through out the day, how do you distribute it through out the day?

Lori – I am glad that you found two good doctors for Hailey, I hope things will turn around for Hailey soon, this feeding thing is so frustrated as you know. The hardest thing for me right now is letting go, after seeing his weight drop from 75% to 50% to 25%, I am just so afraid that it will drop again then come to the idea of a tube.

Tricia – can I get the book from any book store? From a mental standpoint, what finally clicked, that allows yourself to forego the obsessive tracking of ounce and calorie, and just leave it up to Andrew? I am really lacking the courage to let go right now.

[Anonymous]

Hi Sharon –

I honestly am having a hard time remembering when we stopped spoon feeding Owen, but I think it had to have been at the beginning of December, maybe even before Thanksgiving. He just absolutely refused to let us spoon feed him at that point so we just had to let him eat on his own. I remember that he ate lots of small pieces of pasta, peas, sweet potato fries cut up very small, avocado, cheerios, olives, small pieces of bread, cut up fish sticks/chicken nuggets. That’s about it. He had a quite limited diet and we knew that he wasn’t eating nearly as much as he used to but we didn’t have a choice – he would NOT eat from a spoon any more so we just had to hope that he was eating enough. At times it seemed like he was surviving on air but amazingly enough he would still gain weight at his appointments. I’m very careful to NOT weigh him a lot – only at his appointments – because otherwise I would freak out. So he gained a little over a pound between his 12 and 15 month appointments, although I know he lost a little at points in between.

I used to keep track of every ounce too and it literally drove me crazy. I just had to stop for my own sanity (and my husband’s!). Once I stopped it was amazing how much easier Owen’s feedings went – I just let myself relax and thought that he won’t starve himself – and he didn’t. He still goes through phases where he’ll eat tons and others where he’ll eat nothing – but if he’s happy and playing, I don’t worry anymore.

[Author]

Posts