How do I deal with her tantrums?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry if I sound like I’m ALWAYS whining about this and that BUT…Ariella’s gotten really bad with her tantrums. If the smallest thing doesn’t go her way, the claws come out and the wailing starts. How do I nip it at the bud? I ignore it most of the time b/c if I try to calm her down, it only makes her wail even louder. I do redirect her attention to other things but she’s a VERY stubborn girl and it doesn’t work most of the time (b/c if she wants something, she’ll get it by any means possible). Please help!! Isn’t she a little too early for the terrible 2s? I’m not ready for it and quite frankly, have no energy for it (sigh).

[Anonymous]

I know what you mean Here is the same and i think it is the terrible twos cause i cant find any explanation Michael throws tantrums ALL the time (not exaggerating) i tried different things and sometimes nothing works but i tried to distract him and give him something new everytime (although im running out of new things for him) i hope evetything goes better for you (and here too) all i can say is i think is the age

[Anonymous]

I’m not very nice when it comes to tantrums. My kids know it’s not the way to go with me. I just ignore them completely. I say, “sorry you are angry that you can’t play with the cell phone, but here is your truck.” Then I just let him work it out himself. Sometimes even leaving the room works better because he knows if I”m watching him or not. Usually, in a few minutes he will stop and I’ll walk back in and he is playing with something else. I don’t really talk to him while he’s acting like or give him anything new, etc. He is angry and needs to just feel that way for a minute. And that’s fine with me, but I really do my best to keep it from crossing the line into manipulation.

I’ve found that consistency is the key. If you give in to them when they act like that, they will keep doing it.

Ok, I just read over that, and it sounds really harsh. I don’t mean it to be that way.

[Anonymous]

Naomi, I know what you mean. I give in most of the time and I”m seeing that now she’s being very manipulative. She knows that she can be that way with me and that it doesn’t fly with my father in law so she’s a doll with him and the complete opposite with me. The problem with Ariella is that she follows me wherever I go wailing (if I walk away from her). I can’t take it most of the time and give in. I KNOW I’m doing more harm than good by doing that but sometimes I just want some peace and quiet. Am I making any sense?

[Anonymous]

We do the same thing around here, Naomi. Addy’s tantrums were AWFUL starting around 18 months. We completely ignore her when the tantrums start. If I even speak to her during one, she screams even louder. I walk away and do not speak to her…even if she follows me. I did the whole comfort thing at first and let’s talk about your feelings, but it got us no where and made her more angry. She is much better now and we just hit the 2 year old mark! Don’t get me wrong, she still throws tantrums, but they are less often and shorter than before. She understands now that it doesn’t change her into getting her way.

[Anonymous]

With Kaelyn we do the 1-2-3 magic stuff, but they don’t recommend that before 2. So, with Alex we do basically what Naomi described. We typically tell her no (as in, “I’m sorry, but you can’t have a snack now”), try to redirect (“here’s your doggy”) and then walk away. The first few times the tantrum lasted a while, but she usually gives up pretty quickly now. Tonight she lay down on the floor of the kitchen and started kicking and flailing because dh wouldn’t give her a snack. He just left the room and she gave up almost immediately and followed him. The only times we interact with her are when she is doing something that could hurt her (like when she was trying to bang her head on the marble floor at grandma’s house – we just moved her to the carpet and ignored her).

Since you’ve been giving in, it will take a little longer, but it will work. Plus, you want to do it now rather than trying to break this habit after a new baby arrives.

[Anonymous]

Kim, I’ve been trying to give in less lately. Ugh, wish me luck!! I will definitely need it with this child!

[Anonymous]

I am dealing with the same tantrums here as well. To me they seem to be more melt down ones.. as if he is extremely tired.. and anything could set him off. It is nuts. Maybe they need more sleep and are trying to tell us that? Just something I have been thinking with Shane.

Anyhow.. I DO ignore them.. its sooo hard, but I Do. And when he doesn’t listen to me (he has been saying NO! A LOT lately), I have been doing time outs!! They work sooo well! I give him a time out mat and he has to sit there for maybe a min. (i dont do it too long for him, just enough to show him its time to take a time out). And he then gets up and give me a hug.. i repeat to him the behavior that isnt allowed and he gets over it and goes and plays! We’ll see how long that works. 😉

[Anonymous]

Our ped. said that girls show signs of the “terrible twos” way earlier than boys. Sometimes as early as 15 months. Just another sign that girls develop faster than boys.

I had this problem with Sarah reallllllllllllllly bad over Christmas break. Thankfully it seemed like a phase b/c she is over it now. She’s not clingy/whiney/demanding/throwing tantrums over everything like she was doing there for a few weeks. I tried to be strong and did the best I could to ignore. Her ped. suggested not making eye contact with her for as long as she is old (1 year old = 1 minute) It works pretty well b/c she knows I’m purposely avoiding her. At one point I even used a chair in our living room as a “time out chair” and would set her in that until she stopped. After she calmed down I went over and gave her extra love and attention so she’d realize the reward for calming down.

It’s not an exact science for us yet and we still definitely have our moments. I think, like everything else, each child is going to respond differently to different tactics. I understand your frustration about being an ‘angel’ for everyone else. Sarah was that way…she unleashed on me and was perfect for EVERYONE. UGH!

Good luck and I hope you can have some relaxing last few weeks before baby boy arrives!

[hellbennt]

I’m w/ everyone- I name the feelings & then try to ignore/distract/ignore some more…

[Anonymous]

consistancy is key for us. I got some amazing advice from a doctor at one time. He said, if we were going to give in, do it immediately so they did not have time to get to the “Tantrum” place. But if you said no until they got to the tantrum, you can not give in because then you will reinforce that even sometimes that behavior gets you what you want and reality is that it never should get you what you want.

Hang in there! It can be so hard especially when you are really tired!!! But the payoff will be great and necessary.

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