hurt feelings

[Anonymous]

Once again my feelings are hurt. My sister n law just told what my mothern law has said about me… She said, “Maria (me) acts like it’s just so hard and she can’t get anything done now that she is a mother, well I did it and I had a colicky baby, I got up and got the kids dressed and cleaned and cleaned up myself and cleaned house and cooked dinner everyday.”

Here is my opinion. My house isn’t dirty and yes I need help from my husband, and I take advantage of when he is home to get things done. Which in the beginning he acted like it was a chore to feed our son ( has gotten better since). And if she was here at the house she would see I do not stop all day. But if LO is awake Im occupied by him crying in pain, he won’t let me sit him down. I’ve tried and the minute I do he screams. Even if he isn’t in pain he wants my attention and will scream if I don’t give it to him. I get no cleaning done during the day. I do however get hunter cleaned up and dressed everyday and usually primp myself(depending on if LO will let me) and always have something for dinner, sometimes I have to wait until husband gets home because of LO. Yes I have griped alittle because its alot of work to take care of a reflux child that we are still trying to get the right treatment for and my husband does work a fulltime job and come home and help me out, its not my fault we (not just I) have a child that requires so much attention. Plus why would she say that about me when she has no idea what I am going through.(if she truley went through what I am(so she says) then she would of not had any free time to clean and all that either.)

Am I wrong, should I just let him cry, is there any ways to get all this done during the day with a child like this (if so I need to know) I wouldn’t want to be on the horrible wife/mother list.

[Anonymous]

I would like to know how others do it too.. The one thing that has helped me was buying a newer bouncy seat. But the vibration doesn’t matter. My son has had the fundalication and its much easier now but there are still days that i can’t put him down and he just cries and the only way to get him to calm down is walking around bouncing him. I am a stay at home mommy and my husband works 15 hours a day 7 days a week so i am pretty much a single parent at times. It does get really frustrating and everyone thinks you can get all this done because you are home all day.. Thanks for the post i really needed to vent today i guess and would love suggestions too!! I wish you the best of luck!

[hellbennt]

babywearing SAVED US!
https://www.infantreflux.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=1044&PN=1

http://www.thebabywearer.com/forum

and having dh (form abbreviation for ‘dear husband’) be in charge of bath (it’s for bonding tell them- not a lie!)

hang in there- smile & nod…

but really BABYWEARING!!!

[Anonymous]

You are describing my older dd. She couldn’t be put down at all. If you put her down, she would scream (and she often screamed even when being held). Babywearing helped – at least by giving my arms a break. I got really good at using the bathroom while holding her. I didn’t shower unless dh was home because it was too stressful to listen to her scream through the whole shower. Dh and I had to take turns staying up with her at night because she never slept. During that time period (which felt really long at the time, but now she seems like a mere blip in her life), my house was a mess, I was barely functioning at work (I am still incredibly grateful that my previous work helped keep me in my boss’s good graces), and we were lucky if we actually got to eat together (since she hated if we sat down). When she would finally fall asleep, we were afraid to do anything to wake her up.

Now to my point. 🙂 She is about to turn 7. She is an energetic, enthusiastic, happy, well-adjusted child. She thinks that I’m “the best mommy in the whole wide world, even when you’re being mean to me” (a direct quote when we wouldn’t let her have something tonight). She has no memories of that time of her life. Family members that doubted me at the time have gradually come around and tell stories of how brave and strong we were for fighting to find something to help her.

You will get through this. You are doing what is best for your child. Don’t let anyone doubt yourself. Your house will be clean again at some point. Your dh needs to be part of the process, it will make his relationship with his son stronger in the end, and it will help both of you get through it. Give him small, “easy” tasks to start and gradually build him up. You may be staying home, but you are working full time too! (On a related side note, my life actually got easier when I went back to work when dd was 9 months old. Dh started doing a huge chunk of the work and I had a 9 hour break with no screaming. Sad, but true. I missed her terribly, but I was almost happy to go back to work because she was soooooo much work.)

[Anonymous]

I have been in your shoes. My mom understood and was with me through my first refluxer and now through my second preemie refluxer who now has C.Diff. People say hurtful things, even family. My husband’s family have been total JERKS about it all. My house is a mess, we have eaten more fast food than I ever thought we would, but I am taking care of my kids and I know that this time will pass. It did with the first, and I know it will with my second. Until they have lived through it, they simply don’t understand. A “fussy baby” is totally different from a reflux baby. Know that even when family doesn’t understand, we do!

[Anonymous]

Don’t let them get to you! There are many days where I feel like I am either trying to feed or comfort my baby all day. When things are bad, I really cant do anything else. I just tell myself that right now it is my job to take care of my baby. Everything else can wait.

[Anonymous]

see, everyone thinks its easy until they have a baby with acid reflux. I go thru the same thing and people always tell me how bad can it really be? I am like, spend a day in my shoes and then you will understand. and when your always around a crying baby its so hard, and nothing you do helps. Its tough not to get support from loved ones. I am feel for you, and I am going thru the same thing here

[Anonymous]

My Mom use to tell me before I was married how much work I was when I was a baby b/c I was premature (many years ago :). She said she would have to stay up all night holding me to make sure I would breath. She would say, one day you will pay for your raising. So with my 4 yr old she was just one of the many (including my husband) that said things like why don’t you just let her cry and in the beginning with ds. Like I was just spoiling these children. Last month she can to stay with me for a couple of weeks. At the end of the visit she said I don’t know how you do it! I thought we would do some fun projects like paint dd room or put up some shelves. But even with her here we could barely just get the basic things of laundry, food, dishes etc done. She calls once a week now to see how things are doing and says “WHAT are those doctors doing!” So, invite your MIL over to “help” while you “rest”, that is what my mom thought she was doing

You do what you KNOW is best for your baby. If your gut tells you not to let that baby just cry, I think that God gave me that instinct for a reason. Just my take.
Blessedmom

[hellbennt]

HOLD those babies, mamas!!

I wore mine until they were THREE and they are NORMAL, happy, healthy little boys who are not clingy or odd!!!

[Author]

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