keeps getting bit at daycare

[Anonymous]

Sorry I always post so many non reflux issues but this is the only board I frequent and really value all of your advice and appreciate all of the input more than you will ever know!

So, here’s my latest dilemma: Seth keeps getting bit by the same little girl at daycare. It has happened about 5 times now but does not happen everyday. This has been going on for months so sometimes it may even be weeks between the episodes. He did get bit again today though. At first, I was not really bothered by it since I figured she may be teething or something but now it seems she is doing it out of aggression. I am also in an awkward spot because technically I am not even supposed to know who bites him (daycare policy) but since I am employed by the church that runs the daycare, I did find out but that does rule out talking to the mom. I know she has also bit other children. They have expelled children in the past for biting in extreme cases but I don’t want to see that happen. This little girl is Seth’s best friend and they have been together since they were in the infant room. They really are like brother and sister. Today, they told me when Maddie got in trouble for doing it, she started crying and then Seth started crying too!

I guess my questions are is there anything I should do and what are other daycare policies on biting? TIA!

Mom2Seth2006-7-13 20:32:0

[hellbennt]

I think most daycares won’t tell who bit whom…

I think that you shoud stress to the dcp that you want them seperated and that this little girl needs to be kept away from your little guy…

I would DEMAND a plan of action from the dcps in that room! I’d set up a formal meeting, w/ your dh, too, if he can make it, to show you’re very concerned…

what are they doing about it? what comes next?

does she get any kind of reprimand? a stern “NO BITING!!!” said calmly (not yelling) and STERNLY to her, at her own eye level and then is she removed at ONCE from the situation (not necessarily ‘time out’ but more of ‘social isolation’ from Seth?

~laura

[Anonymous]

I agree with Laura. Letting it go will only teach Seth that it’s o.k. to be mistreated by his “friends” and may teach him to be aggressive, too. That’s besides the point that he could really get hurt. The daycare needs to take some kind of action to protect Seth. In the daycares where I’ve worked children who bit were expelled if the behavior was not corrected immediately. First, the parents were spoken to about the problem and told that they would have work on the problem at home, while we also worked on the problem at the center. I don’t remember exactly the procedure from there but if the child continued to bite they had to be expelled to protect the other children.

The first step is to let them know that you are concerned and that you want something to be done about it. Putting it in writing and documenting every time it occurs will let them know you are serious and will likely get their attention quickly.

Good luck. Your poor little guy finally got out of the baby room, and now this?!

[Anonymous]

well, my twins used to bite the neighbor boy on a fairly regular basis. (i babysat him) as far as i know, he grew up normally.

[hellbennt]

christine, I love your insight!

I’m not saying this biter will live life of psychosis, LOL

heck, I bit the boy across the street! (he’s fine, too!)

just saying if your kiddo is in a situation where you pay the people to watch this stuff, you should make sure they’re doing their job…

[Anonymous]

I hate to say this, but I think it’s also the age. I remember that when Palmer was in the 1-2 year old room at his daycare there were all kinds of accident/incident reports about children being bitten, pushed, hit, etc. by other children. And a friend of mine whose daughter is in the same center just got a warning that her 17 month old daughter has been biting. Our dcp also has a policy of not telling who is doing the biting or anything else. (I at least was able to get out of them that Palmer was not a biter when I would get reports of him being bitten…I just wanted to make sure that he wasn’t doing the same to other children).

I agree with the others that the most important thing is that the dcp and the parents be consistent with the treatment of the biting…and one of the most effective remedies is to separate the children from each other for a period of time, especially if they are good friends, and to give some kind of stern “NO biting.” Actually our dcp uses “we don’t bite, it is not acceptable” (in a stern voice) rather than no biting — they say emphasizing that we all don’t bite seems to be more effective than just saying no.

Funny, yesterday when I picked Palmer up from school he had an accident report that he had fallen and scraped his knee pretty badly when riding a tricycle too fast. Another mom picking up her child (2 months younger than Palmer) at the same time had a report that her daughter had a bump on her head from tripping when running across the playground. I commented to the teacher that at least it’s nice that now the accident reports are almost always about just accidents, not what one child is doing to another. She said that’s normally the case when they get into the 2-3 year old stage. Once they’re able to verbalize their feelings more they use less physical agressiveness.

Not that I’m saying ANY of this is acceptable, just that it’s not abnormal either. Oh…and my mom says that my younger brother used to bite my sister and I all the time when he was a toddler, and he’s a pretty normal guy now (at least as normal as a younger brother can be).

[Anonymous]

I worked in the toddler room of a child care for three years and bitting was ALWAYS and issue. It is one of the hardest things to deal with. The reason it keeps happening to your son is because he is there. They are good friends so he is the easiest target. We were always reluctant to expel a bitter if they did not have any other behavioral problems because they will most likely out grow the behavior within a few months. However, if the bites are hard and regularly breaking the skin then I would be concerned. We did expel a boy who would draw blood with his bites. There was just too great of a risk for both the children. If they are just red teeth marks there is not much of a health risk.

You should ask for a meeting to set up a plan of action. There is really not much they can do to prevent the biting because those little guys can go from happily playing to chomping on each other in a matter of seconds. But it is important that your son see it being dealt with firmly so that he does not decide use biting as a way to cope with stress himself. Any daycare that is going to take toddlers should have a set consistent plan for dealing with biting.

[Anonymous]

Kaelyn was in almost the exact same situation at her day care. Her best friend (the only child that she ever talked about) kept biting her. We knew who it was because she actually did it in front of my husband once and in front of my mother-in-law. As Kaelyn got older, she would point to the bite and say the girl’s name. I actually talked to the ped about it and he said that children at that age express frustration in 3 ways – biting, yelling and hitting – and that they outgrow it when they can express themselves in a better way. Day care did sit down with us and tell us what they were trying to do to keep it from happening, but there really wasn’t much they could do because Kaelyn kept seeking her out. Tess probably bit her about 10 times over a six month period, but it eventually stopped and she is still the child that Kaelyn talks about the most, so she doesn’t seem to have any permanent damage from it.

[Anonymous]

When Sarah was in the infant room at her daycare, she started to develop a pattern where she would run over and hit a child hard every time I came to pick her up. The second she saw me, she would seek out her nearest “victim” and give them a hard whack. I was so embarrased, and I tried to rationalize with her “no hitting. It hurts”, but she was too young to get it. We eventually taught her we touch “nice” and showed her how to do that instead, but it was a phase of about a few months before she outgrew it. I think with these behaviours it’s often just a phase, but I do agree that because of the health risks associated with breaking the skin, that perhaps the teachers can try to stay on top of it and the child’s parents as well.

Actually, Hailey is a biter. I don’t know if it’s because of teething, or some other reason, but she will lean over and bite me really hard on the arm. Sometimes it hurts so badly that I can’t help but shout at her. Hopefully she outgrows it soon.

s&h’s mum2006-7-14 14:36:2

[Anonymous]

ahhh yep the biter, My son did that when he was about 23 months old. The reason they bite is usually because they don’t have the words to say “I like you come play with me”. It may seem like it’s out of agression but a lot of the time it’s just that childs way of trying to get the other child to play. (happens in kindergarten too, only it consists of a little boy constantly bugging a little girl, pulling her hair or vice verse)Kids that young sometimes act agressive when they want to play, then again there ARE those kids who really do bite out of agression. With Austin, I just told him, no biting, if you want to play give smiles. It may just be her little way of saying “I like you” although not the most productive way!!!!

[Anonymous]

biters are often the children that are more social—-which goes right along with what jill said.

probably the only thing that you really need to worry about is whether or not the kid looks rabid. LOL!!LOL!!LOL!!

sorry…..i couldn’t resist.

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