Mother-in-laws

[Anonymous]

Is it just me? After years of my mother-in-law thinking I was my son’s (now 3 yrs) feeding/vomiting problems and not Reflux or Food Intolerances I gave in to my husband’s request to drive six hours to visit his family for our, “vacation.”

The first day the mother-in-law asks if our six month old is liking any solids yet. I said she loved the taste of pears, but she cried for a week following in addition to the pain and diarrhea, and said she can’t tolerate solids right now.

Two days later we are one big extended family at a city zoo. I never went for more than 5-10 seconds without checking on my childrens’ every action/eye blink. BUT, during the 10 seconds that my mother-in-law got up from the picnic table for a stroll behind my back, I look over and she is shoving her dirty zoo finger full of ice cream into my six month old’s mouth! I just about lost it. I didn’t know if I should cry, scream, slap her, divorce my husband or give up living.

Needless to say we are 4 days post ice cream hell. She is JUST starting to eat again without constant pain, gas, diarrhea, and not crying every second.

Thanks for listening. I thought I would now feel better; now I’m just mad all over again.

[Anonymous]

OMG I am FUMING MAD FOR YOU RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Some people are complete and total idiots when it comes to reflux and MSPI and she sounds like one of them. I am SOOOOOOOOOO sorry that you have to deal with incompetent, insensitive people in this already miserable time!!!!!! What does your husband say about it??? Can HE talk to her?

[Anonymous]

I can totally understand your frustrations! I think we all have gone through that to some extent. I still have battles with my entire family about how I handle certain situations. I don’t want my 2.5yr old to have lots of sweets so ice cream is a treat, but even my mother thinks I am being to strict at times. Which is funny since she didn’t give my own brother a cookie until he was 7!

I almost think it is a grandparent thing where they want to spoil them and do all the things they didn’t do for their own children… that doesn’t make it right by any means esp in your situation… Have you tried to explain the formula she is on and how “special” it is and how any deviation from that can cause major stomach upset etc? That might be the route I would take. Good Luck with all of this.

[Anonymous]

mils… gotta love ’em! Hope your little one is better soon.

[Anonymous]

Well, my husband’s first response was…I don’t think it was a malicious action. I said it really doesn’t matter what the motive was. We are Nina’s parents, and it’s our job to protect her. I hope for all of our sakes he does talk with her.

Thanks for listening.

[Anonymous]

Obviously there is quite a history. While my son was at a Children’s Hospital being evaluated to possible genetic diseases and facing ng/g-tube placement, my mother-in-law was filing a report with the hospital social worker that I was mentally unfit to take care of my child. After of few days of observation of my husband and me by the hospital staff, the social worker explained to us about what the mother-in-law had said. She stated that the hospital had NO concerns about us but they did about my Mother-in-law. They gave my son a fake name and moved his room.

My mother-in-law is a Nurse Practitioner, BUT, she only has worked in Mental Health areas-go figure. She has never worked a medical floor-ever. I’m a nurse myself, and I’ve always worked in the medical/pediatric areas of hospitals.

Anyway, maybe my crazy story will help someone else to know that there are others out there with pretty tough situations, too, and you can and will make it through. Thanks again for listening.

[Anonymous]

Hey Becky,

Sounds horrible. I think I would stay away from my MIL if that was the case. Also, I would agree to let her come to you, at your house if that was too drastic but I would not go there again. She seems a bit skewed on her perception if you know what I mean.

I am sorry that not only do you not have her support, you have her working against you. That has to be horrible. Hang in there and know you have found an amazing group of support here!

[Anonymous]

Thanks, Ann Marie.

[Anonymous]

Goodness, I work in healthcare and have now for about 10yrs and I have always said you almost have to be be partially mental to be able to work in mental health! I am so sorry that is some history you have with her. I would agree with Ann Marie, I would stay far far away unless she was on my own turf.. What was your husband reaction to the whole hospital incident?

[Anonymous]

My husband’s general reaction to the hospital ordeal was to try and convince his Mother that our son really had verifiable low muscle tone, etc. Ultimately we ended up not really speaking with his family for almost two years…peace. Then when baby number two was due to arrive everyone except for me started to get weak in the knees and thought we should try to reconcile. But, I sort of understand (but not agreed with) my husband’s point of view. They were his parents, and if you are raised with/by someone who is slightly crazy, their behavior is not shocking or unacceptable. “That’s just how they are.” I’ve heard that many times.

I’ll leave all of you in this Forum with this mother-in-law quote from about one year ago; you all are the only ones who know how this feels. While my husband was trying to repair their relationship and explain once again about our son’s feeding issues she said, “any sixth-grader can figure our how to feed a baby.” It is amazing that someone so educated and capable in her job can actually function so well if life when they are so crazy.

Anyway, there alway is hope. No matter what goes on. This too shall pass. Baby Nina is started to feel much better; thank God.

[Anonymous]

Hugs to you!!!! Hang tough, girl!!!

[hellbennt]

just reading this now…

a big hug to you

and to how everyone else responded!

just when it comes to her!!!

[Anonymous]

Thanks, Laura, and everyone else; your support does mean a lot!

[Anonymous]

becky, few months back i had just finally had it with my MIL saying negative things about me to my husband. after another fight with him over something she had said, a little later i got in my car, drove over to her house and told her i wanted her to stop saying negative things about me to my husband because it was hurting our marriage. she was angry and said some hurtful things back, but i left there feeling like we were on relatively better terms. then i got to thinking about what she had actually said to me during the discussion and i got pretty upset—i quite often seem to have delayed reactions.

my husband was impressed that i had gone over there!! he talked to her later and told her that if came down to it, he would stick by me because i was his wife. he also told her that when she would say negative things to him that sometimes he would come up and tear in to me—i think she was surprised by this. she told him that i had said some pretty harsh things about him—–and he told her it was probably true, and told her that he had said some pretty bad things to me at times. i was pretty impressed with my guy for standing up for me and admitting to his past mistakes.

my MIL sent an aplogy note and said it had been hard to hear some of those things, but that she needed to hear them.

right now, i choose not to attend family functions, but that will probably gradually change over time.

i can’t believe what your MIL did with the social worker—is she aware that the social worker informed you about what had been told her and that she was not concerned? i think your MIL needs to hear this.

good luck!

[Anonymous]

Christine-we did tell my MIL that the social worker had told us EVERYTHING, and, boy, was she angry! Supposedly the in-laws had hired an attorney to sue the hospital/social worker for breaching a confidential report that my MIL filed. They said they did not pursue legal action, “even though they had a case,” because our son was being treated there and they didn’t want to interfere with his treatment. I always found that a strange reason as according to my MIL my son had no problems except for his unstable mother…..Hmmmmmmm. I don’t think she had a case as we, as our son’s parents, would have to have reported a confidentiality breach.

Tonight my husband will be addressing the ice cream incident with his mother. I have talked with her in the past. I even said to her once, “do you think it’s possible that you want to label me as unstable because you can’t accept the fact that your grandson has problems?” She said, “it’s possible.” And then she goes and gives our daughter ice cream knowing the children’s history.

Nina was better yesterday, bad today. Belly pain and reflux pain (it seems) all day-poor baby. Thanks for your support.

[Author]

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