Need to vent my frustration.

[Anonymous]

I have to unload my feelings somewhere so here it goes…
My DH and I have been trying to have our 1st baby for over 3 years. After 2 miscarriages and fertility medications we finally had our beautiful boy in January. Then 2 weeks later the reflux hit. This reflux thing SUCKS! First we thought it was colic. I read up about it and hoped it would be over by 3 mos. (Now that we know its reflux I am told that this peaks at 4-6 months “Ugh!”)

Our pediatrician failed to ask the appropriate questions to identify his silent reflux. Her nurse even suggested that the baby was crying because he was picking up on my anxiety. The nerve!!! When I called and said “My baby is in PAIN!” She asked with a sarcastic tone “Now how do you know he is in pain?” And then there is family…. I got comments from family like “all babies cry” and “what did you think it was going to be like?” They have no idea what kind of screaming and crying I was talking about.

Here we are today after going to a ped GI and starting Prilosec, zantac and an elemental formula. He is not screaming but continues to cry a lot. I have to hold him much of his time awake. I can’t leave him with anyone because they can not soothe him. So I am basically stuck in the house. I have been pretty much housebound for almost 4 months. I was planning on going back to work part time after 12 weeks but that was not possible.

This is so not fair to these babies. I can not believe so many precious babies are truly suffering. They are not a just little uncomfortable they are HURTING!!!! When does my son get a break? Almost his entire life to this point he has felt miserable. It is so wrong.

Sorry about the ranting but I needed to do it.

Rae0121092009-05-15 11:01:23

[Anonymous]

I could have written your post myself back when I joined in 2003. We did IVF for our boys. When Dylan came home it wasso difficult to see him in pain and the constant crying, no sleep, and unrelenting pain was unbelievably difficult to watch. I believe we have all felt like you do and have also had family/friends just not get it and assure us this was normal. Believe me, it was NOT normal!

You have found here an amazing place of support and non judgemental advice form an AMAZING group of mothers who have either been where you are and some are still there. Please keep in mind that even though reflux can peak around 4 – 7 months, you can still with the right combination of formula and meds get your baby out of pain, so working with the ped gi, you should see improvement soon!!

I promise you even if you don’t believe me right now, this will get better and when it does and you get those amazing giggles and smiles from your baby, these horribly difficult times will start to fade.

You are an amazing mom doing all you can for your baby and we are here for you to vent anytime!

[Anonymous]

Ann Marie is right, we have all been there to some extent and that is why we are all here. It does totally get better… some take longer than others, but for us the big key was the right dose of medicine. We tried formula changes and then we tried Zantac and then we started Prevacid (and then I found this wonderful place) and after 3 dose increases of Prevacid we finally had our happy baby! It does peak around 4-7 months, but in our case we were finally on the right dose of meds so really the only thing for us that peaked was the actual spitting which if your lo has silent reflux that may not be an issue. I remember the first summer after Cooper was born (4-6 months old) I would just sit with him on our back porch and cry with him! He seemed to calm a bit when he was outside… so I was outside as much as I could manage! Things got so much better for us spitting wise after 6 months and then was pretty much gone after 10 months. We weren’t off meds until 16 months, but that was more me dragging my feet than anything. Hang in there, it will end sooner or later but it does end! HUGS to you.

[Anonymous]

i found out we were having a “bonus” the day before i turned 40. the pregnancy was really hard on me—-so i really hoped God was going to send me a good baby, but, he had other plans for us. we had to hold sylvia almost 24 hours a day for the first 2 months of her life—i slept in the recliner with her lying on my chest. sylvia ended up needing a fundo just before she turned 10 months old—but most babies don’t need surgery.

if your little on is on a good dose of meds, you should start seeing some improvement in a couple of weeks. unfortunately, it takes a little while for the esophagus to heal, so the meds don’t appear to be working immediately, even though they are.

sylvia is 5 1/2 now and doing great. reflux seems like it was in the distant past—and i promise you will feel the same way eventually, but we all know how tough it is on the way there. good luck.

[Anonymous]

i dont have much time… but everyone IS right.. it will get better… and dont give up!

make sure he is on a high enough dose of meds… and if the elemental formula isnt enough… there is then neocate.

also while things are being sorted out…. hold off on solids and give mylanta inbetween doses as needed( 1ml up to 4 times a day)

[hellbennt]

babywearing SAVED US. ALL of us!

my computer has crashed, I don’t know how to find my past links (well I do but I have not put the time or effort into it), but there’s a BABYWEARING link from groupie intro!

I cannot tell you how that saved us…of course medication ultimately did the trick but for the horrible “I have to hold him all.the.time.” moments, babywearing helped immensely…

it DOES get better! and it is HARD for anyone else to understand!

[Anonymous]

I know how you feel (we all do)! Don’t let people make you feel like you’re a crazy mom, or a first time mom who doesn’t know anything. We were also told colic until my dd wouldn’t eat and then the reflux was identified. Even then it was minimized. We also heard the “she feels your stress”, “babies cry”, etc. Even worse- some by family. But hold on to your gut instincts. My dd cried non-stop for well more than the first 6 months of her life. We had to hold her almost all day long. She was impossible to soothe. Now, she’s a lovable, adorable soon-to-be 4 year old that makes me laugh and smile each day. It was a very hard time early on, and it took longer than I would have liked to get better, but it DID get better, and easier for sure. So hang in there. I know this wasn’t what you expected when you were finally blessed with your first child. Your first baby is hard, and then add in the reflux, and it makes it seem almost impossible at times. But things will get better for you. Every time our ped sees my dd now, he still mentions that he never saw a baby cry as much and as hard as Hailey for so long. He calls us his heroes for enduring it! HA!

Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Thanks to everyone! I appreciate you taking the time to listen to me and share similar experiences. I am trying to just put one foot in front of the other and get through this period in our lives. It is hard not to get excited when he has a “good” day and start to think “This must be over”. But then the next day he is crying more and unhappy. The unpredictable nature of this is very hard for me personally. I suppose I need to learn to deal with unpredictability as a new mom, right?

[Anonymous]

let’s just say i was not the calmest nor did i deal well with this with my first. i was a total mess. I didn’t get dressed for weeks at a time, never left the house and kept Dylan and myself isolated and in a bubble from everyone. We went to his Dr appointment but that was about it. otherwise I got out to take him for a drive to try to get him to sleep sometimes, but i did NOT deal with it well at all! You are doing great! You are here as you have found a great outlet for your frustratons and feelings regarding all of this and you are doing all you can to help your baby! it took me months to find this place.

Hang in there and know that things can change from week to week, so this will pass before you know it.

And yes, all of their growing and reacting is “unpredictable’ so just think of this as preparation for things to come LOL! like when Dylan drove the Cozy Coupe car down the front stairs. They surprise me every day and I promise that reflux memories will fade.

[Anonymous]

We go through so much with our children. What I’ve learned is that you have to go with your instinct and trust that you know it’s something more. Even though you have to go through a bunch of sarcastic, rude professionals that downplay situations, you know what you have to do for your child.

I have my son who’s doctor’s kept saying it’s asthma for two years, but after changing my doctor cause he was rude and downplayed his condition, more tests were ran and they’ve found Vascular rings (which is a blood vessel pinching his windpipe not letting him breathe as well) I’m a wreck waiting for surgery.

All and all as mother’s we know that there is something wrong with our children, not anyone else. So all we can do is fight for them and fix them, because we love them.

[Anonymous]

I can relate so much to what your saying. DD is 2 1/2 months old and her whold life has been spent crying to this point. She started with her heel getting pricked 2 times a day for 5 days at birth because she had high bilirubin levels, and around 2 weeks the screeming started. She is in so much pain most of the time. I feel a Strong obligation to be the one to sooth her and I dont’ even like leaving her with my DH because I feel like he dosn’t know what to do for her. If anyone is holding her and she startes to cry, I HAVE to take her back because no else can seem to (or I won’t let them) sooth her. I also planned on working after 12 weeks, but that is not possible right now.

I totally understand where your at right now, and it sucks. MY marriage has even started to suffer.

[Anonymous]

Has it gotten better? I read your post and it could have been me writing it.

I just got talked down to by the nurse at my GI’s office today. She asked me if I thought my daughter has a cold or ear infection because at 7.5 mg 2x/day of prevacid the reflux should be under control.

She had to remind me that spitting up is normal for a baby and that the PPI will not stop it. As if I care about the laundry! All I want is for my child to eat and sleep without pain.

We are at 6 months now…please tell me your situation has improved?

[Anonymous]

my situation has improved sooo much! My DD is 4 months now. After she turned two months we hit an all time low. I felt like I had no where to turn. Her Ped was not helpful and made me feel stupid, so I felt like I couldn’t take her to the dr. After much research on my own, and also with my oldest having similar symptoms and also an allergy to milk protien I decided to do an elimination diet. She turned around within a few days! she stopped screaming! she stopped vomitting! Her stuffy nose went away. She started to eat without crying. My baby is a happy little girl now. After a few weeks off of dairy I got bold and did a dairy challenge. I had a glass of milk and we were if for three days of hell. She started to spit up frequently during this time. I have slipped a few times, and she always has a bad day when I do with lots of spit ups, but for the most part she only spits a mouthfull here and there like any baby.

I wish there everyone out there could find such a simple solution to a terrible problem. Hang in there and

[Anonymous]

Wow! When I read my original post I can’t believe things were still so rough in May. Here we are in July and my DS is 6 mos. old. I am happy to say he is doing much better – though there were some bumps in the road along the way. He has been battling a bad case of thrush. Three docs looked in his mouth and said they did not see anything!!!! Finally I have found a ped I like and he prescribed diflucan.

We have been through 3 elemental formulas (tummy troubles, insurance etc…) He is finally doing well with Neocate.

One of the biggest changes has been in the past week. I was putting off sleep training until I was sure he was feeling better. He would only go to sleep in MY arms while being bounced on an exercise ball (sometimes up to 45 minutes)! We started last weekend using Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. The first day or two was brutal but each day he cries less and beginning to sleep through the night 🙂

[Author]

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