one dinner or two?

[Anonymous]

I have no clue if what I am doing is right.. I thought it was, but after tonight I am not too sure!!

I have always made Shane what I know he likes for dinner..and if he doesn’t like what we have, I will make him a sandwhich or hotdog.. or something else really fast. Until tonight. DH hates that I do this, and I read an article that was against it… so I decided to only give him what we have for dinner and thats it! So.. that means if he doesn’t eat dinner then I dont make him anything else.. and he doesn’t get a snack either.

Soooo tonight was leftovers from last night.. he did eat it last night.. but wouldnt tonight. So we must of had a battle for about an hour..because he wanted everything else he could see! (apple..banana..fruit bar..bread)… and I didnt give in. He screamed and cried until his bottle for bedtime.

AM I WRONG!!?? Should I just give him what he wants?? I am soooo confused??!Please help

thanks

shanesmom2008-01-24 19:49:26

[hellbennt]

it’s hard.

In theory I don’t believe in making more than one meal.

HOWEVER, I go ahead & find myself doing just that!

personally, I don’t think at this age you can reason or explain. that’s just my opinion. I feel that you can make him whatever until maybe he’s 3 yrs old when you can then ‘reason’ with him…again, who am I to say? I am JUST NOW starting to take a stand on this w/ jonah & he’s 4 & 1/2…

[Anonymous]

I’m really struggling with this as well. Our situation is compounded due to Kaelyn’s allergies. I really don’t want to be making multiple meals in five years, but as Laura said, I don’t think that they have much reasoning ability at such a young age.

So, we kind of try to walk a middle line. There are an awful lot of nights when I don’t have the energy to put together things from scratch so Kaelyn can eat them. On those nights, she obviously gets a separate dinner. Alex has the choice of the food that dh and I are eating or Kaelyn’s food. She usually eats a little of both. On the nights when I make a meal both girls are expected to eat our dinner. But, I try to always make sure that at least one part of the meal is something that they are both guaranteed to eat. With Kaelyn, you can often nudge her into eating foods that she doesn’t really want by telling her that she can’t have any more of her favorite until she eats a few bites of the main meal.

I really worry about pushing too hard on food issues because it caused a lot of issues in my family growing up. We ended up in family counseling (for unrelated reasons) and the counselor said that it was a major source of discord in many families. They suggested that my parents make a menu for the week and we could each choose three nights that we didn’t have to eat. But, we had to fix our own dinner those nights. If we had already used our three nights, we had to eat what was fixed with no complaints. It changed the whole dynamic of our family and basically eliminated mealtime stress. It obviously wouldn’t work with a toddler, but it’s good to keep in mind for the future.

[Anonymous]

UGH, i feel so cruel for what I did to him tonight! .

I just don’t want a picky eater forever..and to be making food after food until he wants something. I guess at 2 1/2 I will try again..

[Anonymous]

This i s easy for me to say as we haven’t gotten tot his stage yet, but if he won’t eat what you have made and is asking for things like fruit/crackers other things that you really don’t have to make then I would just give him those. I have never been really big on putting them to bed without dinner, but maybe that is b/c I love food and couldn’t imagine going to be bed hungry, but I also know it isn’t the end of the world. I hope things get better for you sooner than later.

[Anonymous]

Lauren

I also struggle with this at home and find myself fixing Danika what she wants instead of her to getting to upset and crying for hours, well maybe not hours but it seems like that. At daycare she eats what they give her, so I guess she knows mommy is a push over. All Danika wants to eat is chicken nuggets, green beans and mandrian oranges. So I am hoping that Ashlynn will not be like this,but with her reflux I do not know

stcwatt2008-01-25 11:02:52

[Anonymous]

What I did with my girls was to make one meal which always includes at least one veggie and one fruit. So if they don’t like the main dish they would at least get some fruit and veggies, and I generally would let them eat as much fruits and veggies as they wanted. This has always worked fine for them and they are excellent eaters.

Now with Myles, I’ve been far more lax and I am certainly paying the price for it. I guess because he had reflux, a bottle aversion, a terrible gag reflex, and yada yada yada, I’ve babied him and allowed him to eat what he wants. But now I have an almost 2.5 yr. old who will not eat a single fruit or veggie (except baby food which I still feed him) and he only eats a handful of healthy foods. I feel terrible about it and I would definitely never do it again.

I would recommended doing something like what I did for my girls. Make a healthy meal which includes fruits and veggies and let him eat as much of the fruits and veggies as he wants if he doesn’t like the main dish. Also I’d intentionally serve the girls’ favorite foods, (or at least things I knew they liked) for supper a few times per week so if they didn’t eat well one day they’d eat better the next day.

Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

I’m with Christine on this one. Claire was always a good eater, and generally Ben is too, but they all go through phases. With Claire, we use the take as many bites at you are old rule, and that works for her. but she’s 4, so you can reason with her too.

With Ben though, he usually eats what we do, but sometimes, he can’t. That’s the only time I make something different, but I will try to give him as much of “our” meal as possible.. the veggies, pototo, roll, etc. I always give the kids fruit at meals, and they eat that no matter what. I’ve even been able to “bribe” Ben a bit, by saying to him, eat a bean, and you can have another bite of cheese or whatever. He usually does it.

Good luck. It’s a hard situation.

[Anonymous]

I’ve always made my kids eat what we eat and for the most part they are great eaters (except Bryce of course). I do what Naomi does and tell them they have to eat so many bites before they can get down. Making the bites “fun” helps with Parker (my most picky one). I’ll get a bite for him and tell him something like “here’s a Dora bite!” or something like that. That usually helps. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

It would be really hard for me to send Sarah to bed hungry…but I understand your frustration with making two meals. Sarah still eats dinner at 5:00 and DH and I just aren’t ready to eat at that time. Soooo, I am preparing two meals every night. Eventually I want to push back her dinner time so we can all eat together, I just don’t know when that will be. Honestly, I just don’t “cook” like I should to begin with and most of the things I make I wouldn’t want her to eat anyway. That’s my own issue I need to resolve…cook healthy meals the WHOLE family can enjoy!!!

I would do what you feel comfortable with and realize that sometimes you will have to make compromises so that he will eat something.

[hellbennt]

that’s another good point: 2 meal times…

I feed the kids at 5:00pm on weekdays & sometimes it’s just easier for ME to give them something ‘easy’

I also try to have a fruit & veggie as part of the meal (I do the same w/ Jonah’s lunches)…

[Anonymous]

THanks guys..

You all have really helped me come to a place that i feel comfortable with. I don’t think he is ready yet! haha. and neither am i!!lol.

I am going to try my best to give him what we are having.. but if he doesnt want it.. then i guess i will give him something else that is “healthy” and not a snack.

Thank you soooo much for all your “helps” .. i knew i could turn to you all!!! 😉

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