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We love each other yet we seem to argue almost every day. Most of the time I’m the one to start them. My DH, lately, irritates me. Everything he does is wrong, and when he doesn’t do something, I get upset that he didn’t think of it. Like this morning, he left for work at 7 am and his work doesn’t start until 9 am (it takes him 45 min to get to work). What the heck??? There are dishes in the sink, laundry to be fold, he could’ve swept the floor, you name it…So when I asked him why he’s leaving so early, he goes “I arleady ate my breakfast, so what do you want me to do, stare at the wall?” Stare at the wall??? There is tons of things to do that I won’t be able to do b/c Ariella most likely will be hanging off of me. So I had another argument with him over this.
I’m so frustrated with myself that I pay attention to this kind of crap. I wish I was a much more easy going person…There was a really good episode of Dr. Phil in which he told lazy husbands that if they would clean the kitchen without being asked it would equate to foreplay to their wives and they’d likely get a lot more sex. This is so true, but men just don’t get it.
LOL…Christine, I love a man in the kitchen. And it’s true, it’s such a turn on. When DH actually does do something, I see him in a different light
it sucks.
I find it helps when I dance around asking dh something, like I say,”oh, yeah, when you get a chance, could you do ____? thanks
“and then when he hasn’t gotten around to it I again say,” gee, I don’t want to nag you, but it seems that maybe you forgot you said you’d do ___ when you got a chance?
“then the NEXT time, I just say the the ‘thing’ that he’s supposed to do: “____?
“ugh!!!
but I truly can’t complain
…Laura, I don’t have as much patience as you
I’ve been working really hard not to nag. I really can’t complain because he does so much more than many other men, but he does make me crazy at times because he just doesn’t notice so many of the things that need to be done.
We’ve kind of worked out a system for several of the regular things. Neither one of us gets to do any “fun” evening type stuff (computer, TV, etc.) until the normal night time “chores” are done. So, usually he gets all of Kaelyn’s food ready for school the next day. I do bottles. He used to do baths, but he’s nervous trying to do both kids at the same time, so I’ll do that and he’ll finish cleaning up the kitchen (not the way that I would, but it still helps out a bunch). Laundry, vacuuming, etc. still aren’t quite fitting into this routine, but we’re working on it. I have arthritis, so getting the laundry upstairs is sometimes a problem for me. So.. I often ask him to bring it up and then when he does, I say “while you’re here, why don’t you go ahead and fold your clothes before you go anywhere?” Then he usually feels guilty and stays to help with all of it.
It took us a while to get to this point. Being put on bedrest with Alex was actually really helpful. It made him realize exactly how much I was doing on a regular basis!
I’m fortunate in the sense that my dh is a neat freak so he picks up after himself and if I don’t vaccuum for two weeks he’ll get sick of it and he’ll pull out the vaccuum. But forget about getting him to help with the kids.
After years of taking care of the kids and the house myself I finally came to the realization that I can get some help for myself by just not cleaning anymore. He even changes the bedsheets on our King Size bed because I told him I simply can’t lift that darn mattress.
Now if he’d just help with the kids he’d be quite a guy, hugh?Anyway, one thing that works with some men is a negotiated and agreed upon list of chores or responsibilities. Maybe when you’re both in a good mood one night you can have a little talk about the kinds of things you need him to be more helpful about and ask him if he would agree to take responsibilty for a few household tasks on a daily basis. Men generally hate to be nagged, so sometimes it helps to negotiate responsibilities ahead of time so that you don’t have to ask or nag to get the help you need.
Christine, that is too funny about the Dr. Phil episode…I am going to have to try that one on my hubby!
ohh gosh i just typed this big thing..and than my computer died.
i just wanted to say..that i think most husbands are like this.. kind of like kids..you always have to ask them to help out around the house. but my theory with dh is that it is because his mom did everything for him! i am not sure how true this could play a roll in all the other husbands!
also.. about the kitchen stuff.. there is a book called ” sex begins in the kitchen” !
and nooo it doesnt mean it literally.. its a pretty good book, about having a good romantic relationship, and how it needs to begin out of the bedroom ..like it the normal day to day stuff. well my only advice would be to sit down and talk to him about it … i know thats not much, but i have done that before.. when i am not sounding naggy or annoyed at him.. i will let him know how i feel. and he normally will respond positively and i have seen him try and make a point to help out ..but still does “forget” time to time 😉 .
OMG I could have written that post
. DH today asked me why I was crabby all the time…well der…you do nothing you pig (OK I just thought that
). This was 10 mins before he goes away for two days camping (and I get to stay home and clean and look after Alana…the later of course I don’t mind
).Ithen suggested he might have been the pot calling the kettle black…to which he replied well I have been happy the last few days. So what…want a medal I thought!!!!
Well he’s not that bad…just male
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