streetproofing your child

[Anonymous]

Wow, Shelby. I feel very lax that I haven’t done a lot of this with Dylan yet. I guess I have such a false sense of security still that we know everybody that is with him at all times, but I had not thought about having those kinds of conversations yet…..

Ugh… I hate thinking about horrible things like this, but it is scary. In our state the sex offenders registration is available on the web with pictures and addresses, etc…..

[Anonymous]

It was actually a family member that molested my friends daughter. Also it was another child. That is what has woken me up to really talking to Luke about it.

[hellbennt]

as an elementary school guidance counselor (putting on another hat here) I deal with this stuff all the time…

you can go over who can see the child naked & who can touch them- mommy & daddy to clean you in the bath (add whoever else might bathe them like family, baby sitter), the doctor/the nurse at the doctor’s office to make sure you are healthy…

tell then that no one should ever tell you not to tell your mommy & daddy something, that you ALWAYS HAVE TO TELL when someone is bothering you…even (especially!) if they scare you & tell you they will hurt mommy & daddy if you tell- you HAVE to tell bcse it’s our jobs to keep you safe!! (this is a hard concept I think- about it being vital to tell if an adult threatens to hurt their parent(s) if they tell…)

I talk about feeling ‘yicky’ (it’s hard for little ones to know that someone is ‘doing’ something, so I talk about feelings a lot- that even a family member can make you feel ‘yicky’ and then you have to tell- example: grandpa gives you a big bear hug and squishes you & you don’t like it- you can be polite & say “grandpa please don’t squeeze me so hard, I don’t like it!!” and of course talk to mommy or daddy about it…

as they get older I differentiate b/t ‘tattling’ and TELLING…

with Jonah now, he knows his full name, the name of our neighborhood, our street & our names…I talk a lot about feelings- I ‘name’ feelings for him a lot (have been all along…) like frustrated, angry, happy, love, scared, etc…

[Anonymous]

At what age do you have those conversations, Laura? I am not sure that it would all make sense to Dylan yet, but maybe eventually he will get it even if he doesn’t get it all now?

I feel like I have missed the ball on something here…….

Oh, we do the feeling thing, though. We used to practice making faces in the mirror to see what scared, sad, happy, love, mad, etc… look like. Dylan is pretty good at expressing his feelings….

monty1232007-2-28 10:51:22

[hellbennt]

well, you can start with the ‘yicky’ stuff now and the naked stuff too- just making it light & casual when he’s in the bath- like “I can see your tushy!” (something I’d say) and then talk about who else gives him a bath/sees him naked (is trusted w/ his naked body)…

the ‘yicky’ concept is a bit harder…right now jonah doesn’t want me to kiss him goodbye in the morning () and I have been doing it anyway, but I’m on the fence about this one- I don’t want to make him feel ‘forced’ but on the otherhand, he’s my baby…

you can also go over him having to tell you things, like someone bothering him- it will start off about school, most likely and another child bothering him- then you talk about the people to ‘tell’ like the teacher, etc…I tell Jonah to tell on others, that it’s my job that he’s safe- (it’s dh’s, teachers, etc)…we go over who loves him and these are people to tell (certain friends & their mommies/parents, teachers, family members, etc)

I tell Jonah if Ari bothers him he needs to just get away…then I branch out to if someone bothers him at school he also needs to get away but then I add that he needs to TELL. I hate to make it seem like I want a tattling kid, but personally I think it’s important- in Kindergarden I start lessons differentiating b/t tattling & TELLing…

[Anonymous]

Good advice. It is going to be hard, though, as Dylan LOVES being naked. He will just take his clothes off while running around the house for no reason. At preschool, they have told me he is so excited to get back to an activity, that he will run out of the bathroom still trying to pull up his pants and underpants.

Oh, and the Carter bothering Dylan thing…Dylan just tries to put him in bed!

I will have to start trying some of this…

Thanks!!!!

[Anonymous]

I’ve been following the document that I attached. I think it gives some good guidelines.

Thanks for the advice, Laura.

[hellbennt]

the article is great! thank YOU

[Author]

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