Tantrums – Might work for some

[Anonymous]

Hi all,

Carter has been much more of the “terrible twos” than Dylan ever was, so this was some new terratory for us. We have found something that is very successful for him and thought it might work for some as, if I learned anything from these two boys, is that no two child is the same and what works for one, does not always work for the other!

Anyway, we have instituted a “crying place” in our house. We got the idea from the program that Carter is in, and they use this as well with a lot of success. Now keep in mind this is not punishment, time out, or a place to go if you are legitimately sad or hurt, more for the tantrum crying for attention, etc….

When Carter starts crying or having a tantrum, we pick him up, put him in the chair in the playroom (our crying place) and then he gets himself out when he is done crying. That’s it! now mind you, he was VERY whiny and had a few nannies that always gave into Carter and picked him up for everything he cried for, so this was a difficult learned behavior to break, and Carter is not as “testing” as Dylan where if I did this with Dylan, he would have come out crying and followed me around the house, so definitley would not have worked for him, but in only a week, it is amazing, that we only have to say “do you need to be sad in the crying chair?” and it is over sometimes, or sometimes, he is there only 10 seconds, and he comes out with another toy, or something and is back to his happy self.

This has truely minimized the tantrum and cranky whining that used to get Carter his way. We tried to do the “ignore” but it was really not working as well as we liked as everyone was “ignoring” for different intervals, etc… so we needed something more consistant that was easy.

anyway, don’t know if it will work for anyone else or not, but have to say that these tantrums were one difficult obstacle for us I would have tried anything.

Just thought I’d share!

Ann Marie

[Anonymous]

thanks so much! we have been dealing with tantrums and whining so much lately !! we do put him in the time out spot when he tantrums and screams at me “NO!”.. (the very fresh way).. and he cries in there and tantrums.. and then he DOES come out when he is done.. a little stubborn still.. but it does work! for a short amount of time at least 😉

thanks for the advice though.. do you think i should have a seperate place for the tantrums and crying rather then the time out place??

[Anonymous]

I think I would but not sure if you need to. I think the “time out” is for really bad stuff (hitting/biting dylan, etc…) and I would say I have used time out maybe 5 or 6 times total, so it doesn’t loose it’s force. I think if we do it too much then it doesn’ t have an impact, but if I use it sparingly, Carter knows his behavior was severe and unacceptable. He also may not come out until we tell him so. We try to use the oven timer so he hears the beep and knows he can get out (2 minutes).

for the crying chair, he can get out when HE is done, not when I tell him he is done. I do think he understands the difference, as with time out, I will sit with him still to let him know he needs to stay and then I use very simple direct sentences “no biting Dylan” “not nice”, etc. so he knows why he was in time out, but for the crying chair, he gets NO attention. He can work it out and then decide he is done.

Like I said, though, this would have NEVER worked with Dylan but Carter is such a different boy and I love the success we are having with this!

I still can’t believe what a big boy Shane looks like in his new picture!!!!

[Anonymous]

Awesome idea – Abby has been such a stinker with tantrums. Like my husband and I always say, if Abby would have been our first, we would never have had a second. Kayla NEVER had tantrums like Abby is having. Oh the joys of parenthood.

Abby has been reflux free for almost a year now and still getting great ideas from this board

Robin

[Anonymous]

What a great idea Ann Marie. We are starting to see tantrums but aren’t at the point of being able to do anything about them yet. Cooper just doesn’t understand yet, but I will def put this in the back of my mind for the coming months went I know I will be able to use it. And I agree that time out and a crying place need to be different so they understand the differences in the behaviors.

[hellbennt]

Great idea Ann Marie! I like the idea of different spots/chairs, etc…

I do this with jonah- well something similar- started when he was about 3-

I just tell him very calmly that he can cry in his room, that he’s not in any trouble, it’s not a time out, just that we are_____now (ie eating dinner), and that it seems like he needs a little break…I still do this with him. He’s older now, so when I send him to his room for whichever reason (to calm down, to cry, for a time out) he knows what he can or can’t do (time out he must sit still in a spot until we say he can come out or the timer goes off-also the oven timer- otherwise, he comes out when he’s ready)

[Anonymous]

Any and all ideas are welcome at this house! I have the toughest time with Sarah! She is awful for ME. She’s great and such an angel for everyone else…but as soon as mommy is around it’s whiney central! We use the rug in our dining room/kitchen for time out and so far it has worked really well. For extreme situations (hitting, screaming, throwing herself on the floor) I will pick her up and PLACE her on the rug while enforcing WHY she is there. For the whiney “I’m just tired of dealing with it” stuff, I will simply ask “Sarah do you need to go sit on the rug?” She usually responds with a sad little “no” and tries to pull herself together.

In fact, tonight, all I said was “Sarah, stop whining” and she said “OK mommy” and went and put HERSELF on the rug. I had to turn away so she couldn’t see me laughing. It makes me wonder if she wouldn’t benefit from a special place to “cry”.

Great ideas!!!

[Anonymous]

Thanks guys. I love suggestions, too. I hope it helps someone else. I am not a fan of “whine”. It’s like fingers on a chalkboard to me……

Oh, and Amy, I have to hide to laugh a lot! There are some priceless moments here, too! That makes it all worth it!

monty1232008-05-06 08:55:00

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