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I feel like I am the worst mommy in the whole world. Tess is still struggling with her reflux. We have yet to find a medication/dose that truly relieves all of her discomfort. Part of that I know is my fault. I haven’t tried all of the options given to me. I was given a script for Prilosec 1.5 months ago but at the time the Zantac seemed to be working pretty well (and it’s easier to give) so we just stuck with it. Then it stopped working so we upped the dose. It seemed OK for a week or so and now she back to writhing around in her crib and crying. I should have just stuck with the PPI’s oh-so-long-ago when we were trying the Prevacid. It didn’t seem like it was working and the doc didn’t want to increase the dose so I bailed on it. I should have asked to try the Prilosec then. Or I should have been more forward about getting an increase in her dose. Or I should have gone for the endoscopy months ago when the GI offered it, even though he didn’t think it was needed. I just feel like I’ve let my little girl down SO much these past 3-4 months.
Meanwhile I’m constantly yelling at my other DD because I’m always in a bad mood. She’s just being a typical 3-year-old. She can’t help it. Some days the only thing that makes me feel better is to know that she won’t remember much of this time when her mommy was a screaming b!tch all of the time. DH and I are always fighting over nothing because we are sleep deprived and stressed out. I feel like my marriage is heading downhill fast. When things are bad with Tess he gets mad at her – that’s his way of dealing – and then my mommy protection instinct kicks in and I get mad at him. I feel like I’m failing in everything.Hi Karen,
We haven’t started the Prilosec yet. I got the script filled and after
our horrible night last night I was going to start today but DH is home
with her today while I have to take care of some stuff in the office so
we probably won’t start until tomorrow (DH isn’t good at this sort of
stuff). The script is for 5mg twice daily. Since she’s put on weight
since the script was given to us I’m going to call the GI and ask if I
should up the dose. I’m also going to ask about continuing with the
Zantac for a week or so while we wait to see what the Prilosec does. We do occasionally give her Mylanta and while it soothes her for a minute or so she usually just goes right back to crying afterwards.I’m in West Chester, PA (about 35 miles outside of Philly). The two GI specialist I’ve seen are part of the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia which is supposed to be top notch. If anyone has a recommendation for a specific doc I’d be interested. Thanks for the support.
Karen
Karen,
I’m so sorry that Tess is still suffering, and you as her mommy are suffering right along with her.
I’ve always said, and I’m sure you have, too, that I’d take double the pain, if my kids didn’t have to have any.No, you are not a bad mommy. These doctors can’t seem to figure out how to treat our babies, so how are we supposed to figure it out? I second guess myself a lot about what I should or shouldn’t have done with Myles’ reflux. And talk about mommy guilt, when Ellie was a baby I didn’t even do any research at all and she suffered on Zantac which did nothing for her. I thought she was just a needy baby. I didn’t understand that reflux was that painful. My poor baby.
I had to forgive myself for not getting her better treatment then, because I didn’t know any better then. I was the best mommy I could be and I took the very best care of her that I possibly could, as I’m sure you are doing with Tess.
What we really need is better doctors who know what they are doing so we can be the mommy and they can be the doctor. I hope you can work with your doctor, or find another one to get Tess on a treatment plan that will work for her.
As for yelling at your three year old, I’ve been there, too. It is so very hard to take care of a baby with reflux. You just don’t have the time or patience for the older children. I yelled a lot too those first few months with Myles. And I felt a lot of guilt because my girls were pretty much on their own. I couldn’t do anything for them except the bare neccessities; dressing, meals, bathing, etc. It will get better as Tess gets older and her reflux improves and/or is better treated.
I’ve really had to work on the yelling thing because it became such a habit. When my oldest started yelling at her sister (she sounded just like me), I knew I had to do something. I’ve been trying a trick that seems to help…when I want to scream I whisper or speak very softly instead. It gets my girls attention better than yelling because they are so surprised by my soft voice that they want to listen to see what I have to say. I also try to imagine that I am in public or at work, and speak to my children as if everyone is watching. It really helps, though I do revert back to screaming like a lunatic from time to time, but practicing alternatives to yelling really does help and it becomes more habitual with time. And, they do forget. Liza and Ellie are just as happy and well adjusted as they were before Myles came along, They’ve learned that mommy has weaknesses that she needs to work on, just like they need to work on their behavior. My motto lately is “lets work on this together.” They are so patient and forgiving with their mommy! And they are eager to learn better ways to express themselves because they see mommy trying.
Getting a break once in a while helps, too. Are you able to get away ocassionally for a little while by yourself? Or, maybe spend some time with your oldest girl while daddy watches the baby?
I hope things turn around soon. Hang in there.
it WILL get better! just keep telling yourself that!
you are not a terrible mommy-it’s just so hard to keep on top of everything!!
some things to keep in mind:
1) how you get the prilosec compounded. You might want to a) call around to find out which pharmacy orders flavorings from the company called FlavorX so they can order Caracream for you (then once this is established, you can get in touch w/ the Caracream folks so they can tell the pharmacist how EXACTLY to use it…b) you might want to find the link about how to tell the pharmacist how exactly to compound it for you…just SMILE
and tell them to HUMOUR YOU and to please make it in a particular way2) you might want to FAX your doctor so as not to have a phone conversation…First you THANK the doctor
& You can STATE THE FACTS and then simply request/’tell’ (as opposed to asking “is this ok?”) what it is that you want then another gush of THANKS…this goes for dosing and for giving the zantac at the same time (2hrs apart or more) too. Honestly, I don’t know if you want to even ask/tell this, but hey, I’m no doctor! I just know that our ped GI said it was ok to do…3) once you get how/when to administer the drugs, you can make a little instruction poster/list/whatever for dh…I think it’s important that he knows how to do some of this, too, so all of the pressure isn’t on you…sorry for unsolicited advice
also- this way you can leave tess with him and take your 3yr old to the park for an hour or something…Thank you all so much for your support. It means a lot to me. I’m feeling a bit better now. Sometimes I feel like I’m on a horrible rollercoaster ride – some days are good, some days are terrible, and you never know what’s coming next.
It’s very comforting to know that I’m not the only one who has yelled at their family when stressed out or has felt like they made bad decisions regarding their child’s treatement.Tess is taking the Prilosec now. I decided on my own to continue with the Zantac for awhile then we’ll slowly wean her off. Our pharmacy does use the FlavorX brand flavoring so if this ends up working I’ll investigate the Caracream.
Laura – I should have been more clear. My DH knows how to give Tess her medicine. He’s just not good at taking the inititive to start a new routine. Once I establish it he can follow it just fine.
Thanks so much, everyone. I really hope the Prilosec does the trick. I’m going to keep Dr. DiPalma’s number handy in case I feel like things don’t improve enough. Bryn Mawr is only 20 miles down the road for me.
Karen
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