Unable to let go

[Anonymous]

My DS has put on a little weight and I feel like I should be happy. He went from FTT to below the 5th percentile. But I still feel anxious and obsess over every little thing. I am still terrified that he will not weigh more at the next appointment. Is it normal to feel so wired over weight issues even when the baby seems to be getting better? I feel very depressed and frightened and I can’t seem to leave DS with anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Emmy, you have every right to be frightened, you’ve been through an awful lot with your little guy.

I am also afriad to leave Ally with anyone. I think it’s an outgrowth of all of the special things you know have to be done to be okay. Don’t feel like you HAVE to leave him if you don’t want to. And remember that if you do, it’s really natural and even if things go badly, it’s just one bad day and you’ll pick up and move on.

All of that being said, it may be worthwhile to look into seeing a therapist or a counselor or a minister for a little support. You could be struggling with postpartum adjustment difficulties a little late or you could be having issues with post traumatic stress disorder. I know that might sound funny, but PTSD is surprisingly common among new moms, especially having gone through the things that some of us have been through. It might help you relax a little.

The thing that’s been helping me the most is meditating every day. I don’t do it for long, maybe 2-10 mins, but I make a point of sitting down and shutting my eyes and breathing mindfully every morning after I put Ally down for her first nap. She doesn’t sleep very well without me, so I sit next to her on the bed. It’s making a HUGE difference in my emotional state, and in my ability to really be with her during the day.

[hellbennt]

emmy,

it is SO HARD to have a refluxer and yours is so teeny tiny! I didn’t leave the house for about 6wks after jonah was born and after that it was so hard for me to go out and do things & I didn’t have anyone to leave him with even if I wanted to…just saying I can relate. what helped me was to go find some mom groups- I started at my local lactation consultant- she runs moms groups- and from there I met other moms and got comfortable and learned of other groups/activities…maybe there’s a local La leche league near you?

and also, talking to a counselor or someone couldnt hurt…I wound up in therapy when jonah was about a year old- it was towards the ‘end’ of his reflux, but it caught up with me…

let us know how else we can help!

~laura

[Anonymous]

I am the same way and Isaac was never FTT! I just think it is normal b/c these babies are so high maintenance. My dh wants me to go back to work but i feel like no one would be able to take care of him like I do! I think as they get older it will change.

[Anonymous]

I am the same way with Matthew… he is FTT on and off… with or without the tube… i have actually postponed my going back to work twice already because i will not leave him! My ped said that, if at all possible, i should stay with my baby… fortunately, i was able to postpone my return (although after all this time, they may look for someone to replace me!)…

I think feeling this way for a baby who is sick or a no´-eater is fine´– as long as the obsession is not turning into thinking that you are responsible for what is going on, thinking you could have done better or anything like that…

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way. However, I have learned that as a parent, we are meant to be worried about every little thing about our kids. If it isn’t one thing it is another it seems.

[Anonymous]

I am the exact same way with Noah. I worry so much about his weight and I rented a hospital grade scale and I weigh him every 3rd day. I used to be so obsessed with his weight when he was an infant, I’d weigh him after he nursed so I could see how much milk he took. I also have issues leaving him with someone else to watch him. I dont think that anyone else can care for him (feed him) like myself or my husband can. So I completely understand how you feel, and I honestly think that most moms are “wired” to be worriers and protective of our little ones, especially if they have had physical issues (reflux, feeding problems etc).

Take comfort in the fact that he is gaining weight and is getting better. You obviously have done a great job and he’s lucky to have a mommy who cares as much as you do.

[Anonymous]

I know just how you feel. Until a couple of months ago, when we discovered goat milk, I was afraid to take Robbie to daycare, afraid to pick him up, afraid to feed him, afraid to let anyone else try, etc. I think that the fear we experience for the health and well-being of these little refluxers is so intense that it overshadows everything else in our lives and becomes sort of all-consuming. For me, Zoloft has really done the trick! I also think that finding someone to talk to would be a good thing, and it doesn’t have to be a therapist. I juse talk to a woman I work with who is wonderful, motherly (in ways my own mother isn’t) and totally nonjudgmental. She helps me gain insight into my feelings and it really makes things seem less horrific if there are problems. I hope you get through all of this soon, and please remember that all your feelings stem from loving concern and being a fantastic mother!

Sarah

[Anonymous]

Yeah to Zoloft! I take it too & it has really helped me with anxiety that was completely getting out of control.

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