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February 16, 2006 at 10:02 am #1657AnonymousInactive
Hello again everyone—
I think I owe you all an explanation of where I’ve been these last few
months and I do believe there is a lot to be gained from this story
especially being mother’s of refluxers I think it means a little more. BUT
this is not a pretty story and living through it has changed me forever and
shattered my nervous system. This is not for the faint of heart or those
with fragile nerves. I ask you not to read any further if you are easily
disturbed……….
Ok It all started 6 months ago when my stepsister had her 2nd child and
baby boy born 2 months early with gastroschisis. Joshua was born with
his upper and lower interstine, a kidney and part of his liver and stomach
outside his body. He was life-flighted to a different hospital and they
preformed surgery on him when he was only a few hours old. Everything
went smoothly with the surgery and he was kept in the neo-natal ICU for
2 months. He went home when he was just under 5 pounds. He was given
a clean bill of health with one exception he has reflux. Personally with all
he’d been through I thought they (the parents) were DARN lucky to only
have reflux as an issue.
Joshua was home for 12 days when his father got up with him on a
Saturday. About 11 am that day we got a phone call that they had life-
flighted Joshua and that his head was swollen and that he’d be needing
brain surgery…….that’s what we were told. After a 4 hour surgery with 3
neuro surgeons Joshua was in a drug induced coma. The next day we
were told that Joshua had clearly been shaken. That his skull was
fractured in 2 places, that when he was taken to the hospital 2/3’s of his
body’s blood was in his skull. The nurses said, and I quote ” That baby
was shaken hard enough to strain an adult male”. We were told that best
case Joshua would be paralyzed on one side and worst case he would
pass on. Well this little boy has had to fight the whole way. While he’s in
the hospital his parents were asked to take polygraph tests. The mom did
(somehow she slept through it), dad however refused, dad has claimed
from the beginning that the 2 year old sister did it. The only thing the
father has said about that day was that Joshua was “fussing”. Child
services stepped in and both children have been removed from the home.
Joshua was released after 2 months to foster care at 4 months of age all
but 12 days were spent in the hospital. They have been doing regular cat
scans on Joshua and have found that one side of his brain is
deterioriating and it’s dragging the other side down with it. I had to work
with the mom who is siding with the dad and has is essence abandoned
her children, and I couldn’t face her without wanting to choke her…….my
24th birthday was the day I lost it….I landed with my doctor with
shattered nerves and ended up on nerve medication. I couldn’t
understand how it all could happen especialy since I HAD a refluxer too
and lived through it without doing anything horrible. Knowing all of you
here were living through the reflux hell and not resorting to the
unthinkable……..it all got the better of me and I ended up quiting my job
and trying to seperate myself from this all. I was on a couple of months
ago and saw someone had posted an article linking shaken baby
syndrome and reflux and I wanted to speak out to you all then and
reaffirm what the article was saying, but it was all way to close to home at
that point and I am finally to the point where I am able to speak about
this without losing it. Today Joshua has had his 3rd surgery to place a g-
tube as he’s losing his ability to suck. One side of his nose has collapsed
and he is paralyzed on one side. They say he probably won’t make it to 5
years old. We aren’t truely sure if he can even cry. All we get at this point
is tidbits of info from the prosecutors. No formal charges have been filed
yet, but my state has moved to strip them of their parental rights.
I realize that things like this happen everyday all over the country, but it
was too close to home. It’s taken me awhile to be able to speak of it, but I
believe it’s vital to share with those of you who can stomach it. You are all
strong wonderful parents who are able to have self control with your
children. I thank you for listening to the story that’s affected my family for
the last 6 months.
February 16, 2006 at 10:12 am #1660AnonymousInactiveOh my gosh Amber… Thank you for sharing that but I”m horrified that
it happened and that you had to live through it. That poor dear little
boy… I just can’t believe it. Must go hug and kiss my little girl
even more now…February 16, 2006 at 10:12 am #1661AnonymousInactiveI am so sorry, Amber. Please know we are all here for you. It is so frightening of things that can/do happen in this world……
February 16, 2006 at 10:37 am #1666AnonymousInactiveOne of the worst things about Ally’s first few months was living with the knowledge of how it’s possible to totally loose it with the endless screaming. There were so many times that I had to put her down and leave the room to recollect myself because I was afraid that I’d loose it. It doesn’t take a monster to shake a baby, just an overtired, undersupported parent. Yet we find a way through it.
Amber, thank you so much for sharing this. My heart is with you and your family.
February 16, 2006 at 11:13 am #1673AnonymousInactiveAmber,
I cant even put into words how your post made me feel. As I sit here wiping the tears off my face, I am so saddened by what your family is going through. Most of all, it makes my stomach churn to think of what that precious, innocent little baby has gone through. No child should ever, ever have to indure what Joshua has. My prayers are with you and your family, and espeically with little Joshua.
February 16, 2006 at 11:18 am #1674AnonymousInactivei just can not imagine how a person could actually harm an infant that severely……..but then, i also agree with what tiffany said about overtired and undersupported parents. there are times that the ugly realities of life can be almost overwhelming.kevieb2006-2-16 11:26:20
February 16, 2006 at 11:34 am #1675AnonymousInactiveI’m with all of you – I have 100% felt the pressure and stress of having a screaming child that you can not do anything for. But I can’t understand how you would be unable to stop yourself from actually harming the child – and so severely! I have certainly had to put Owen down and walk away and tell my husband that he needs to step in and give me a break. But to hurt them and then to live with the guilt of knowing that you did that to your own, helpless, child. I don’t know how you could ever live with yourself for another day.
I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go though this Amber, and will be thinking of you and your family.
February 16, 2006 at 11:55 am #1677AnonymousInactiveThank you all for your prayers and thoughts and wishes. The dad has denied
any wrongdoing so much that I believe that he has started to believe it
himself. I didn’t post this to drag anyone down and of course I’m on the
hope is a** rots in jail side of the fence, but I wanted to give you all
something to perhaps grab strength from……that you know when to call
someone or when to walk away…..it’s hard for me to put into words but I felt
it was something that everyone could look at and say I was in that position
and worked through it without causing harm. I thank anyone who has had
the strength to read this post and know that Joshua appreciates your
prayers. Thank you.
February 16, 2006 at 11:55 am #1678AnonymousInactiveI am so sorry to hear this. Unfortunately this is something that happens way too often……even with perfectly healthy children who happen to be crying.
February 16, 2006 at 7:29 pm #1721AnonymousInactiveI am so sorry that this happened to that sweet innocent baby! I am praying for him and you!
February 16, 2006 at 9:36 pm #1732hellbenntKeymasterI’m with everyone. And I’m glad Tiffany brought up what she did and others, too. There were times when I’d have to put Jonah down and then get my husband, and then he’d wind up doing the same- there were many nights early on like this, with us just taking as much as we could and then handing Jonah off to the next one…it was scary to say the least…
god bless that baby!! and his poor sibling!!!! and everyone!
~laura
February 16, 2006 at 9:54 pm #1735AnonymousInactiveOh Amber – my heart goes out to you, your family, little Joshua and his
sister. I hope and pray that you all find the strength to get
through this horrible time. Thank you for sharing your story.February 17, 2006 at 4:40 pm #1770AnonymousInactiveThank you for posting this hard reminder of just how horrible and
unfortunately easy it is to harm the most innocent of souls. All too often I
look back on my dd’s first year and half and think, how did I do it? And
the thought that always follows that is thank God we made it through it.
There were so many sleepless nights of screaming non-stop and it makes
me so fearful for all of those poor little ones like Josh who don’t have
parents that know when to step back and take a breather. There was one
night I let Sophia cry at the top of her lungs for four hours straight. .. I
should not say “let” . . .thats what she did most of the time. I always have
pangs of guilt about that one particular night but she obviously has long
forgotten about it and I thank God that I knew my own limits.
To all of you in the throws of “colic” type behavior – please know it gets
better and even though it may seem cruel – its far better for everyone to
step back when things are too much to handle.
My thoughts and prayers go out to that poor little boy and your family.
Honestly, whether the father gets caught or not – living with the
knowledge that you did that to a innocent child has got to be hell on
Earth – I hope he suffers a lifetime for it.
~Lizlovemysophia2006-2-17 16:44:2
April 23, 2008 at 2:22 am #50716AnonymousInactiveAmber wrote: Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts and wishes. The dad has denied
any wrongdoing so much that I believe that he has started to believe it
himself. I didn’t post this to drag anyone down and of course I’m on the
hope is a** rots in jail side of the fence, but I wanted to give you all
something to perhaps grab strength from……that you know when to call
someone or when to walk away…..it’s hard for me to put into words but I felt
it was something that everyone could look at and say I was in that position
and worked through it without causing harm. I thank anyone who has had
the strength to read this post and know that Joshua appreciates your
prayers. Thank you.
I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason.. just tonight I was at my wits end with Noah. Never ever thinking of harming him I just wanted to do something to make him better. I was frustrated and sad and just a mess. Just then, I get a call from my mother, she is in hysterics. All I could think is “Mom I am dealing with my own issues what now?” Here I come to find out my sister (we found out yesterday that she was pregnant) is considering an abortion. Now even with all of Noah’s problems I couldn’t think of not having him. I had to get off the phone I was so upset by what my mother said. I came back to this site and again started skimming, and I come across this post.
I had to hit my knees and thank God for reflux and my little man. These are things that I can pull from when it gets tough. That at least he is still here, still crying, and I am still fighting for him to get better. I am so greatful. This is horrible and no family should have to go through it. But stories like this makes me humbled and thankful for the chance to be a mom even if it is to a GERDling. Thank you Lord!!I am praying for you!
May 9, 2008 at 11:29 am #51266AnonymousInactiveI’m so sorry for what you and your family and especially that precious little boy are going through. I have had to care for my little tiny man and all his medical conditions all alone. I’m a single mother of three. I will take strength from your story. I have had meltdowns-don’t get me wrong, but I feel as though God blessed me with my special little tiny man Kaiden for a reason. I can continue to carry on. I have to as I am all my children have. God Bless you and yours.
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