what is wrong with this child???

[Anonymous]

My days with Hailey can be quite trying with her reflux, and her feeding aversion, developmental delays, and her “social anxiety”, as well as her being a high needs baby. Sometimes it’s all I can do to make it from day to day without losing my sanity. So please tell me honestly what you think of this. I’m afraid that she has a mental health problem.

It was getting too light out in the day inside Hailey’s room so we’ve had garbage bags draped over her blinds for parts of the day. Lately I’ve been lazy and have just left them hanging there since all we do in that room is diaper changes and feedings (sleep feedings)- she sleeps in my room. So yesterday we finally got roller shades installed, and as soon as I walked in Hailey started screaming inconsolably. She keeps doing it every time we go in. She looks right at the blinds (which are white, nothing abnormal) then starts shaking and clinging to me, and then screaming. I really can’t take it anymore with this kid. I’ve had to start changing her diaper in the hallway because she is screaming so crazy and vomitting all over the place from getting so worked up. What could possibly be so scary about blinds? My husband thought that maybe they remind her of the roll of paper on the table at the docs office.

To make things even more fun around here, she’s just been so whiny and clingy I could go crazy. She won’t let me put her down for 5 seconds before she’s trying to come after me (but doesn’t crawl) and just starts bawling. Also, the weather around here is starting to finally warm up, and I tried to take her out into the backyard today, but when I opened the sliding door she started to cling to me, and then when I stepped out onto the deck she started getting nervous again and screaming. She had only been out there once when she was smaller because it was a cold winter. She’s fine if we go out in the front. We had ordered a new bedroom set a few months back, but now I’m thinking we should cancel the order, because she sleeps in our room, and if she gets freaked out so badly by some blinds, I can only imagine what a whole new room will do to her.

Anyhow, I know it sounds odd to complain about these things, but I’m really starting to get concerned about her. The extent of her fears just seem so abnormal to me. Am I overreacting? Does anyone else think this is odd?

[Anonymous]

Lori

I dont think you are overreacting. I know Tyler can be a bit clingy when we go to new places or when people come to visit but he usually settles down after a while. The other thing I have noticed is if he is having a bad reflux day he will want to be held all day and want a paci constantly in his mouth. When you describe Hailey, it reminds me of another person on this board who said her baby was “high needs” and couldnt handle new situations or people. I dont think it was a developmental problem in itself, but more a personality trait. Do you have therapists there where you can take Hailey to be assessed? It might just be a stage she is going through and nothing to worry about, but if she needs early intervention, the sooner the better.

I was telling the ped GI doc about Tyler’s absolute inability to drink out of a cup the other day. She said the babies with reflux or MSPI are sometimes alot more sensitive than other babies and it takes them a bit longer to deal with new things than other babies. Maybe Hailey just needs things to go a bit slower and introduce new things a little bit at a time. If it bothers her that much I would put the garbage bags back up and take them down a little bit at a time until she is used to the blinds.

So sorry things are difficult for you. Hope things improve soon.

[hellbennt]

all I have to suggest is babywearing & I think I remember you saying this wasn’t helpful for you? but maybe if you could put her on your back she’d be close to you yet far enough away so that you could walk around the house & get some basic tasks done? wish I could help you more…it’s just that when jonah is super clingy, all I could do was to wear him- once he was so hysterical (& I know this will never compare to what you have to face on a daily basis!) I just put him on my back in the Kozy and started to cook dinner & before I knew it he was conked out on my back…here’s a cyber hugfor you…

[Anonymous]

Hi Lori,

Sorry you are having such a rough time. You are concerned about your child, & that is normal. I know for me, some things that have helped (& truly, I can relate to you!) have been setting aside time for myself & also time to go out with friends. This has helped tremendously! It is very hard spending all the time at home, especially with a child that has health issues. Even taking a walk (by yourself!) outiside or yoga helps too.

I’m a BIG fan of babywearing. It took trying/testing a few different slings/carriers before I found my faves…well, I should say before EMMA found her faves (LOL!). Those are Hotslings & the Ergo carrier. She does like being on my back more, now that she is getting older.

Lastly, if this behavior continues down the road, it could point to some sensory issues. At this time, Hailey is most likely too young to really benefit from sensory integration therapy. She is also at the age where things like stranger anxiety & clingyness really come into play. I hope this is a stage & that it passes quickly! Emma did begin OT w/ sensory int around a year, but she was also in PT & ST at the time…so it was kind of a full-circle approach. Some kids’ nervous systems take longer to develop, other children truly do have a sensory processing disorder. What you describe could certainly fit into the category of SPD–the issues with transitions, changes, etc. At Hailey’s age, some things that may help are making up songs for transitions (before you go out back, start singing “We are going outside to have fun…we are going out back to count some trees…” or whatever & continue singing until you are outside for a few minutes. Hold her & encourage her, bring a favorite toy or two. You may want to do this a few times a day, even if only for a few minutes at a time. Eventually, she will accept it.) & involve her in changes like with the shades (singing, showing the shades go up & down, letting her touch them, etc. Also, on Elmo’s World, Elmo plays with his shade–may be worth a try!). Going into her room to play & distract her may also eventually get her to feel okay with them on.

Hang in there!

(((HUGS)))

[hellbennt]

Here are some of my songs: https://www.infantreflux.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=2802&a mp;a mp;a mp;PN=1&TPN=1

& here’s what Lauren just typed about- sensory issues: https://www.infantreflux.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=4048&a mp;KW=sens

[Anonymous]

Thanks all! I do like babywearing, but find that with the brutal winter, there wasn’t anywhere to really wear her. Also, now that she’s getting bigger, I’m starting to find it hurts my hip and my back a bit more. I’m certainly going to give it a go again. Maybe get a new sling… (my hubby will freak out!)

[Anonymous]

Lori,

My little Ellie was very much like Hailey and she’s fine now. Also, Hailey is at an age where separation anxiety is very common. And she’s anxious to begin with, like my Ellie was. Ellie starting improving at the same time she outgrew her reflux and also started to crawl. For her this was around 9 – 10 months. Maybe when Hailey’s reflux is better, and she can crawl and find you in the house, she will gradually become less clingy and anxious.

Those blinds probably remind her of a doctor’s office. Do your doctor’s offices have blinds? Most of mine do.

I used to be a nanny for a little girl who every time you put her on a counter or table top to maybe get something out of your wallet or diaper bag (like at a bank, or a store), she’d scream bloody murder. I soon realized she probably thought we were at the doctor’s office because it reminded her of being putting her up onto the counter or table tob reminded her of being placed on an examination table.

I fully understand your frustration. Ellie nearly drove me insane. With Ellie, I feel like I survived her infancy, because it was so darn difficult. Being a SAHM is hard enough with healthy, happy children. When you have one with “issues” it’s an even bigger challenge. I don’t have it nearly as bad with Myles, but I truly feel like I am going to lose it at times.

Have you started with the respite worker yet to give you a little break?

[Anonymous]

So Isaac is not the only one? I think they are afraid of any changes at all. Isaac had thrown up all over the bumper on his crib so i had to take it off and wash it (this happened in the middle of the night) and he completely freaked out and couldn’t sleep. He looked terrified over a crib bumper! I am sorry that I cannot offer you any ideas as i am at a loss here too….though I don’t think it is mental problems at all.

[Anonymous]

Thanks guys. I certainly love her, but these over-reactions drive me crazy. It’s hard enough with her as it is. She now is screaming every time I put her on her change table (which is under the window) even though I put the garbage bags over the shades. AAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

My husband got mad at me this morning and told me that she’s just a baby and I shouldn’t be so hard on her, and get mad at her like it’s her fault. He told me that she doesn’t know it’s abnormal to be scared of blinds, she just is. He also reminded me of a 7 month long phase where my older daughter was afraid of the bathtub and since I was pregnant at the time, he had to be the one to take baths with her every night. He’s right. I am hard on Hailey, probably because she’s so hard on me.

Good to know though that I’m not alone.

s&h’s mum2006-4-20 16:16:54

[hellbennt]

(Lori, a large % of the babywearing I’ve done is around the house, so even if the weather is lousy, it might provide you with a break of having to actually use your arms to hold her when she’s all freaked out & clingy…I can give you links so you can find locals so you can try out different carriers so you can find one that doesnt hurt you…)

[Anonymous]

The other day, while James was at school, I moved a bunch of the kids’ paintings and drawings from the hallway to the kitchen. When we got home from school, James saw the pics in the kitchen and started screaming “no, no, no!!!” and ran to the hall and pointed to the wall and started sobbing. Took him about an hour to calm down, and he’s 2. On Easter, my husband was getting him ready for church and wanted to know why he was going to wear the same blue merrels he wears every day = “why doesn’t this kid have any nice shoes?” Well, he does, but he refuses to wear them. Bob wrestled them on him, and he refused to walk and kept saying “no, blue shoes!” (which in james language is “nooo, bwew shewwss!”. The current crisis is shorts and t-shirts – he hates any part of his arms and legs bare. With James, sometimes we have to push him a little beyond his comfort zone, and then with lots of reassurance, discussion, and time things are ok- we’ve succeeded with t-shirts now, but I’m waiting on shorts a while longer . I agree with Lauren – some kids are just more sensitive then others, and these things peak at certain ages and stages…but if it really persists as she get older, check into sensory issues…

[Anonymous]

Noah freaks out too at the strangest things. If my husband sings “Silent Night”, Noah acts terrified and starts screaming. If you call him by name and draw out the sylabols, or say his name in a sing songy way, he buries his head and cries. If someone opens their mouth too wide when talking to him, or smiles at him with an open mouthed smile, he freaks out and starts screaming. I always thought he was just overly sensitive. I have noticed that he has improved somewhat as he has aged. Maybe Hailey just needs a little more time too.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all. Good to know I’m not the only one with a kid like this. Tricia, my older daughter is a lot like you describe. I think of it more as resistant to change- always has to do things the same way, wear the same hat, the same sandals, the same sweatshirt. Hailey is on another level, but hopefully it will pass.

[Anonymous]

Matthew has started to freak out at a lot of things… he walks everywhere he knows but given that we have recently come back to NY< if you put him down in any room, he starts freaking out and shacking!!! He freaks out until you have showed him around the room 20 times then he is able to stand and starts exploring. I think it is just stranger anxiety related — his comfort zone has changed lately and seems to adjust slowly to things now.

[Anonymous]

Thais, when did you get back? How was the flight? How are things going with Matthew now that you’re back home? Hope that everything’s well.

[Author]

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