Home › Forums › Infant Reflux Support › HELP!!! › SAHM with no support, in over my head
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April 5, 2006 at 7:56 pm #5451
Anonymous
InactivePlease, are there any SAHM’s out there who for whatever reason are doing this all alone? How do you cope???
I am completely on my own here. I have a 4yr.old, 2yr.old, and an infant with reflux. His reflux is better on meds, but it’s still a challenge, and probably will be for quite some time.
My real problem is that I have NO SUPPORT. My husband does next to nothing, and what he does do, he does begrudgingly. My family lives out of state. My few friends all work. My husband controls the money and will not give me any money to hire anyone to help a few hours a week with the kids.
He says I’m a chronic complainer, and other women cope, so why can’t I?
I literally have had 2 days off in the last 4 years. My husband has never fed our baby, doesn’t know how to put him to bed, doesn’t understand his medication schedule, etc. If I do get to leave this house AT ALL, I have to be back in less than an hour because it’s always time for meds, feedings, etc.
My husband thinks I’ve had time to myself if I make a mad dash to the grocery store to get groceries to feed HIM and the children. When I get home he acts like I was at a spa, and he’s done his job for the night. I’m left to manage all three children and put all the groceries away, while he tends to his own needs.
I ask myself everyday, how the h*ll am I going to do this again? Some days I have a little panic attack, because I somtimes feel I am in over my head. Who can do this everyday, 24 hrs a day, 7 days per week, and not lose it??
O.K., now my question….if any of you have similar situations how do you cope? Does it get better as they get older? I guess I’ll be able to take a breath once they are all in school, but that’s six years away! What am I going to do until then?
April 5, 2006 at 8:12 pm #5452InactiveI am sorry to hear that you so sad and personally it seems like you have every right to be upset. I work 2 days a week and even though I would prefer to stay home I know it gets me out of the house and helps my sanity. I really don’t have much advise but I wanted to give you a big hug and hope someone has some thoughts.
April 5, 2006 at 8:42 pm #5461hellbennt
KeymasterCory has said what I’m thinking so elequently…
I’m full of advice, but I realize that what the heck do I know and you’re probably not seeking advice, just seeking support, so just know that I really feel for you…erg…
April 5, 2006 at 9:18 pm #5462InactiveChristine, I’m truly sorry that you are going through such a rough time. I can only imagine how hard it is to manage all three of the kids by yourself without any help. My parents are in the US, and my in-laws do not believe in reflux and blame us for Hailey’s problems, so I can certainly relate to going through it all on your own. But I am thankful that my husband is so supportive and understanding, and I don’t know what I’d do without him. Of course there’s no real advice that I can give you. But I honestly believe that if you left your husband alone to manage all three of the kids for just one day, he’d probably realize what a superwoman you truly are. In the meantime, do whatever you have to do to get a few minutes a day for yourself- lock yourself in the bathroom with the kids in front of a video if you have to- just a few minutes alone makes such a big difference. Hang in there. I honestly hope that your husband turns around and realizes how lucky he is to have you taking care of his children. Good luck to you. We’re here for support.
April 6, 2006 at 6:04 am #5469InactiveI don’t have much to add but also wanted to lend my support. I’m so
sorry you are having such a rough time and hope things get better soon.April 6, 2006 at 9:36 am #5478InactiveWow!You really are supermom! I was going to suggest sending the 2 year old to daycare, and the 4 year old to prek/kindergarden. BUt, that depends on your finances,and if hubby will allow it. Then I thought maybe you could just send the 4 year old to school. But the 4 year old probably keeps the 2 year old busy huh? So then you might not want to do that.
MAybe you could try talking to your hubby again?
IN any case,it does get better as they get older ( I’m not sure about the reflux part though,it’s a first for me).JUst hang in there,and keep posting here.This is a helpful group.
April 6, 2006 at 10:17 am #5487Inactiveeveryone doesn’t cope——some of us have actually had complete nervous breakdowns. this happened to me 17 years ago. if you are having panic attacks, please talk to your doctor,maybe he could help you find some counseling or some meds that would help. i feel so bad for you.
April 6, 2006 at 10:26 am #5488InactiveWell I only have one child so obviously i cannot possible understand! But my dh works alot and i am a sahm. It really gets old after a while. The only thing keeping me sane is going to the park with a friend or a store even will do. I also work 3 hours a month (more if i get the chance) just to make me feel human again! I hope things get better for you-I will be praying for you!
April 6, 2006 at 12:17 pm #5509InactiveSahm? Chronic complainer? Think I am one of those. Raising children especially a baby with special needs can be very isolating. It’s not like you can just hand the baby over at any time because its such a rigorous routine- too hard to explain at times what needs to be done.
My husband is gone 3 weeks out of the month and I have no family here. I have been using my church and made many friends that will come over and sit for an hour while I shower or go to the grocery store solo. I too have had panic attacks and have seen a doc for them. My older daughters are in school, and the church has a mommies day out program for a sliding scale depending on your needs. I have never been much of a religious person, but I was glad to find that there are ministries with mothers groups that serve their communities. They are going to open a baby room for us in a couple weeks for 2 days so I can leave Ryann for a couple hours and have some alone time.
There was a time when I pleaded with my husband not to leave me alone with the kids, thought I was going to run out the front door!
April 6, 2006 at 1:25 pm #5516InactiveI am a sahm to a 6 year old and 4 month old, at the moment I am seperated from my husband..I do everything by myself, sometimes my parents help but 90 percent of the time it’s just me. It does help that the older one is in kindergarten but when he gets home at 2:30 it’s just me and my boys..as far as how I cope..well I just do…Idon’t have much choice in the matter right now so I just do everything, and I don’t complain, well hardly ever. As far as money goes, well my parents give me some each week and my husband gives me a small amount every month. Most of it goes towards the baby’s medicine as medicaid will not pay for it. It is very hard when I take my 6 year old to the grocery store and he wants the name brands like all his friends have and we can’t buy them. I cope by reminding myself that my kids are a gift, and they are my responsibility and no one is there for them but me. I was a single sahm when I met my husband, my son was 2 at the time. There’s no real way to cope except to hang in there and just do what you need to do. Every day is a struggle but I would not change it for the world. Luckily my husband will be coming back in August. But even then he works so much that he will not really be any help. And I don’t have little panic attacks..I have huge ones….which I take medication for. Bottom line, We are stronger than we think we are, and you can get through this..in a few years when the kids are in school, you’ll miss the times when they were little, no matter how hard things seem now….just try to take a little timeout every day even if it’s just to take a shower or bath..or just sit and relax for even 10 mins..those little timeouts really help!!!!!
April 6, 2006 at 4:20 pm #5535InactiveWow.. I am so so sorry that you are going through this.Your situation reminds me to be thankful for mine. I am a single working mother of a wonderful 4.5month old gerdling named Grayson and I sometimes wonder how in the world do other mothers do it… but.. at least I do have my time away even though it is costing me almost as much as I make to put him in daycare.I wish I had great words of wisdom to offer but all I can say is that you and your family will be in my thoughts.. Good luck honey!
April 6, 2006 at 9:50 pm #5578InactiveThanks everyone for your support and understanding. It’s hard, but I’ll be o.k. I’m actually a very strong person, but there’s only so much a human being can tolerate. I’m battling the flu, and as usual I have no help. Also, I’ve been doing this alone for four years now, and up until my son was born it wasn’t too bad. Since he was born, well… it’s been a long, long, long, six months. The first four months I pumped breast milk 8-10 times per day for him, while dealing with his reflux and caring for my two girls. My oldest had just started pre-school and she brought home every virus known to mankind, so both she and her sister were sick almost constantly for four months! When I finally decided to give myself a break and quit pumping after 4 1/2 months, my son’s reflux took a turn for the worse, so my life actually got harder. That’s when I found this site, and all I can say is, thank God for this forum because I was really at the end of my rope. You wonderful mom’s have helped me more than you know.
Christine…as for my anxiety, I don’t have actual panic attacks, but I’ve suffered from anxiety forever. I’ve talked to my doctor about it many times. Unfortunately, I react very badly to SSRI’s and can’t take them, so I am stuck using fast acting anxiety meds as needed. I use them when I have to, but they make me tired….the last thing I need. I get really bad post partum anxiety. With my first two it got better at 4 months. It’s lasted a little longer with my son, but it is improving.
Jill…thanks for your reply. And yes, I know what you mean…you do it because you have to and we are all our children have. And yes, I will miss them terribly when they are in school all day. In some ways you have it harder than me…at least my dh is home at night…I have to pull teeth to get his help, but he is here if things get out of hand. Sounds like you are a strong woman, working hard to take care of you children. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in doing it alone.
Lori, thanks for your support and suggestions. I do try to hide once in a while to get away…usually in my bedroom to catch a few minutes of the news on t.v, but my girls usually come looking for me. I do try to steal some very small segments of time for myself when they are busy playing. They are so good and play so well together, so I really shouln’t complain. Oh, I’m so glad you have a supportive husband…especially since things are so hard with Hailey right now.
Sarah….(ryannsmamma) wow that must be hard being alone three weeks each month. You really do know what it’s like, not having family around, being on your own with the kids all the time. And you gave me a good idea…I think my church has a mommy’s bible study one morning a week with daycare for the children. I’ll have to check into that.
Sarah….(Isaacsmom618) Your prayers are greatly appreciated. This marriage went to h*ll in a handbasket before the honeymoon was over and truly only a miracle will save it.
Thanks to everyone who responded. I feel better just knowing that there are mom’s out there who understand what I’m going through and that I’m not the only one flying solo.
April 7, 2006 at 12:47 am #5586Inactivechristine—i’ve had alot of problems with different meds also. some of them made me feel like my skin was crawling. they also don’t seem to work very well for me, BUT, i will never get as bad as i did 17 years ago because i would see it coming and do something. even though they don’t seem to work really well, i am worse off of them. every time i try to go off the meds i get vertigo, not a pleasant feeling. i am glad that you have some anxiety meds, they really can take the edge off sometimes. hang in there!!
March 21, 2007 at 5:55 pm #28112InactiveBUMP for NDROSE to PRINT…
March 21, 2007 at 8:04 pm #28118InactiveThanks Anne Marie.
Oh, and here’s a little update. I’ve now had 3 days off in the last 5.5 years!
ndrose2007-3-21 20:6:13
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