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I am also running into this a bit with Ben. He is so much more strong willed than his sister ever was (though I think she is making up for it now
). I agree with the other posts though. I think that distracting and removing work the best. However, for dangerous situations, I really do think that saying “NO” in a loud voice is the way to go. I know that many won’t agree with me, but I would rather him cry a couple of times from being scared of my voice than thinking it’s ok to touch the fireplace screen.
marianna,
i have a lot to say about this lolbut can’t do it nowbut basically she’s too young for reasoning, so distraction is key & also taking things away & then removing her from the situation- take her somewhere else, talking to her- point something out on the wall whatever-change the subject ,loltake a wander around here & explore the links: http://joanneaz_2.tripod.com/positivedisciplineresourcecenter/id23.htmlThis is really for an older child, but it’s something to look at…I truly have a hard time with the thought that babies can manipulate- to me they are reacting and doing what they can, so that reaction can result in them getting hysterical (looking like a ‘tantrum’)I don’t believe in ‘discipline’ at such a young age. I understand wanting to prevent behaviour problems later on, so what I would say is to work now on ‘narrating’ her behavior- I mean telling her what is going on “you are ANGRY. I took the tv remote from you. now you are ANGRY!!”it sounds silly, but eventually you will be amazed that she will have the words to help her communicate her feelings…feelings are allowed and encouraged, it’s what we do with them that can get us into trouble (hitting, biting, etc)…I’ll add more later
hellbennt2007-07-06 19:18:04
Bensmama wrote: I am also running into this a bit with Ben. He is so much more strong willed than his sister ever was (though I think she is making up for it now
). I agree with the other posts though. I think that distracting and removing work the best. However, for dangerous situations, I really do think that saying “NO” in a loud voice is the way to go. I know that many won’t agree with me, but I would rather him cry a couple of times from being scared of my voice than thinking it’s ok to touch the fireplace screen.This is what I am currently doing with Alana. Distraction and removing for most things, but teaching no for behaviours that I want to discourage (like the firescreen scenario or pulling the dogs hair). Alana is so cute now, she will shake her head no sometimes before I even say it
. I balance out the no’s with lots and lots of positive reinforcement, for every behviour I want to encourage.I often see the behaviours you are describing when Alana is tired as well, could that be happening for Ariella?I use NO for really serious offenses. Like NO BITING!! I make the word (biting in this case) really enuncuated and drawn out & clear…
I feel that using NO too much makes it not mean anything…I’m strange (really I am, lol), and for ‘small’ things’ that need to be told ‘no’ I say ‘leh’ (it’s Arabic for ‘no’ & while I don’t speak Arabic, I did spend a semester in Egypt & somehow this stuck with me, lol)
you could say “eh eh eh” or “neh” or whatever works for you
the link I gave above is ‘get of your butt parenting’ it’s funny but I find it helps- so when baby is into something, instead of yelling about it, it helps to combine vocal reaction w/ physical reaction- so for me that’s saying “LEH! LEH!” as I get up and physically remove him from what he’s doing/about to do and then redirect him to do something more ‘positive/acceptable’positve praise is also great! Catch them being goodI’m pretty much on the same page as Laura (minus the LE, LE
…. cute idea Laura, but a bit late for me at this point!). We’re also been giving the words to describe her feelings since very young, and thankfully the daycare has used this approach as well, and now Sarah has a whole range of funny reasons for why she’s crying…. “I’m crying b/c you scared me”- when I yell at her or am forceful; “I’m crying b/c I’m having a bad morning”- when she’s tired and doesn’t want to get out of bed; “I’m crying b/c I’m just feeling grumpy”- when she’s crying and doesn’t even know why!; and the new one “I’m crying because mummy said a bad word to me and I don’t like that and mummy you hurt my feelings and I feel sad”- she’s been saying this to me a lot these days, which at first I found funny, but now it’s starting to frustrate me b/c any time I discipline her or tell her to do something that she doesn’t like she does this!When they’re under 1.5 years, I figure that they don’t really understand enough to try to reason. If she’s doing something dangerous, I used to tell her firmly “NO, boo boo”. They only understand short sentences so I tried to keep it short but firm, then I’d remove her from the situation and distract her with something new. If she was doing something back like hitting I’d say “NO hitting. ouch.” and then show her a gentle way to touch and go “niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice” ie. an exaggerated nice with a gentle touch. If she did it again, then I’d put her down, or walk away as Laura suggested, but they’re learning, so I wouldn’t leave her for a long time. At 2 years old, we started 1-2-3 magic, and that approach worked really well for Sarah, but has been more challenging for Hailey who walks out of time out, so I’m trying to problem solve how to deal with Hailey.My approach on tantrums out in public has kind of evolved: When Sarah was over 2 she threw a huge fit in the food court at the mall where she was thrashing on the floor screaming. Despite my germ-phobia going off thinking how dirty the floor was, I walked about 20ft away from her and watched her from afar as people gasped and commented. In the end, it did nothing and I had to carry her out screaming while I broke my back. Now, if the same thing happens, we just say “Please stop your gimmes.” (that’s what we call whining about wanting things in our house). If she doesn’t stop, then I say “Sarah that’s one” and proceed to do the 1-2-3- magic approach. If she doesn’t stop then she leaves. It’s not fun, but has worked well.About the toy buying, we kind of nipped that in the butt from the beginning. I’m super mean and refuse to buy the kids things when they ask in the store, so they generally don’t ask. The only time I’ll buy them something if I spontaneously decide to get them a treat, and it’s usually a snack, or if we’re out specifically for that purpose, and then they know it in advance (i.e. we’re going to the toy store to buy a bike).Lori, Kaelyn does the same thing. “I’m crying because you were mean and put me in time out.” It makes me crazy, but I just ignore her and leave her in time out. The other day she said, “I’m proud of you for letting me out of time out” with this huge grin on her face. It was really funny. It amuses me to hear myself in her.
With Alex, we basically do what Lori and Laura suggested. Lots of distracting and explaining what she should be doing. She has been much easier than Kaelyn all along, although lately she has started throwing fits that are much more dramatic than anything Kaelyn ever did. I think that she’s trying to make up for lost time. we do the 1-2-3 magic approach, too (like lori fro when they’re older), and the link I gave actually ‘goes along with it’
I’m also like lori in that I don’t buy things when out at all…just the other day jonah was pointing things out at the grocery store “look, mama there’s ice cream” I think just to test me (or maybe he was just making conversation,lol) and I just nonchalantly agreed with him and we could then move on- if he didn’t let it go we could have had a conversation about where/when/why we have ice cream (at a party, for a special treat, at someone else’s house, etc)
I also hear “mama you hurt my feelings!” and I say “thank you for using your words so nicely! it so wonderful to have words to say how you feel.” If you can’t tell by now, I’m very verbal/verbose, LOL. well, at least I can laugh at myself
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