Need some moral support :(

[Anonymous]

Ariella started daycare on Monday and what I feared will happen has happened: she’s not too thrilled about the idea. She tantrums when it’s time to go to daycare in the morning and there are moments when she starts crying when she talks about it at home. I know it’s only been 3 days and I have to give it more time for her to adjust, but it’s just killing me. Every time I drop her off, my heart bleeds. Today, as I was dropping her off, she said “mommy, go to work, I won’t cry” but her little voice was shaking. I wanted to hug her at that moment and not let her go. I must be crazy but I hate seeing my child unhappy :((((( Ladies, I need your support to help me get through this. mariannardh2009-08-05 22:53:06

[hellbennt]

oh marianna! it’s hard!

I’m a wimp and had dh do it (well he works right by the boys’ schools so he does drop off & I do pick up)…

not sure what to say but here’s a hug

[Anonymous]

It’s terrible!! We had Dagney in day care for a brief time in the spring, and I always had my DH drop off, and I’d pick up. Is there any way your dh could drop off? I’ve heard that generally kids do better like that since it’s daddy instead of mommy dropping off! On Dagney’s first day there were phone problems at the school, and I couldnt get through, so I left work and drove there to check on her! We’ll be sending both the kids once I’m done with maternity leave, and it’s just a hard thing to do.

Hang in there, she, and you, will adjust in time!

[Anonymous]

Do they tell you that she has fun while she’s there? My boys have been in daycare 3 days a week since they were 12 wks old and we’ve had our share of being clingy or crying usually when they move up in age and move to another room. I try to wait a little and then call to make sure that they are fine and generally they say after about 5 minutes they calm down. There have been a lot of times that I come and Owen throws a fit that he doesn’t want to go home.

I guess, I don’t know what to say, other than it is hard and give it some time. I REALLY LOVE my daycare and I think it’s been really good for my kids. I think if I remember correctly, you’ve never had her in daycare, right? I would think it will take some time.

Hang in there, I know it’s not fun!

[Anonymous]

HUGS Mariana! It’s SO hard, and not just the first time, but I find it heartbreaking any time they cry for me not to leave them. I think as parents we’re programmed to want to come running when they call for us. We’ve been through this before with the girls ain many new transitions, and really I think it’s normal- it’s normal for them to be sad and scared and nervous and unsure, and the same for us. I try to remind myself how I am when I have to go out on my own and start something new- a new move, a new job- I’m also uneasy (except I can’t call for my mom anymore to save me or protect me). As it becomes more routine things calm down, and I think it’s the same for them. I know that doesn’t help, but I think it’s all part of life, and learning to separate a bit, and the uncertainty of the unknown.

I’ve generally tried to refrain from calling to check in, except when they were much younger and/or things were REALLY bad- I stopped doing it because I thought to myself, what am I going to do if they tell me she’s still crying, or she’s not happy. I knew that I couldn’t go back and get her and it would just make it harder for me. Erica’s right though, most times it’s short lived, and once the day gets going they forget about it.

I live in an area where there are a lot of children who are home with nannies until they start Kindergarten at age 4-5. They didn’t get the experience of parting from a familiar place and coping with the unknown. A lot of those kids experience the same thing when their parents are then trying to drop them off at Kindergarten, and the teachers are a lot less patient and well-equipped numbers or experience wise to deal with it in that setting.

So, anyhow, just know that you’re doing what’s best for her, and that it will pass. Try to stay strong when you drop her off, so she doesn’t sense your fear. When I first dropped Hailey off, I was almost crying right along with her and I think that made it worse.

Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Laura, Denise, Lori and Erica. Thank you for your replies and support. The provider always tells me how she acted throughout the day. Wed & Thur morning she was not crying. Thur night she had a melt down. She was screaming and throwing fits over NOTHING! I let her get it out of her system b/c I understood that it was probably bottling up inside her. This morning she was crying again and did not want to go. My fear is that Monday we’ll go through the same thing b/c she’ll get comfortable with the idea of being home on the weekend.

She told me yesterday “mommy, I told every kid that you’ll come pick me up after work”. *sigh* My sweet little girl. When she says things like that, I feel so terrible as if I abondoned her…

[hellbennt]

I’m a talker, as you know by now, lol. I think you might want to say over the weekend little things about how ‘ready’ she is…like “Look how you did ___! you’re so ready to go to school” I say the word ‘ready’ because it’s neutral and not ‘you’re so big’ or ‘you’re so smart’ or whatever…not sure I’m making sense? like “you hold the crayon so nicely; you’re so ready to go to school!” or “I love your nice mannars; you’re so ready to go to school”

ugh. not sure I’m helping here…

[Anonymous]

Yes, Laura, I see your point 🙂 Thank you.

Erica, yes, this is the very first time for us in daycare. She was never left with a babysitter. She’d always be watched by family members so I guess she was taken out of her comfort zone.

[Anonymous]

I think Laura’s idea is great. We used that with moving up from one classroom to another and it was actually a teacher who suggested it b/c going from the toddler room to the preschool room went horribly- he was acting out a lot against his friends– pushing and hitting.

So when he moved up to the older preschool class, about 2 weeks before the teacher kept saying in front of me how he was so ready to move on and he was ready to make new friends and I just kind of continued with it. I don’t know if that was the reason, but the second transition went much better.

Kids definately sense your fear or other emotions– my boys know when my patience is running thin and when they can get away with more b/c I’m done for- especially when DH is gone for awhile. She will react better I would think if you cont to reassure and talk about how much fun it is to be at school and make friends.

Griffin is 5 1/2 and still talks to his friends about when I am going to come and pick him up. I’ve heard him have this conversation before “my mom comes to get me after we take our nap and eat snack and then we go outside and then my mom comes back for me.”

Does she have a favorite anything? Our daycare lets each kid bring one toy from home for “free time play” and maybe that would be reassuring that she has something from home.

My kids also take a blanket- griffin has a frog. DH swears he’s gonna take it to kindergarten– it drives him nuts (DH) but we’ve already had the talk about how the teacher said he needs to leave it home when he goes to kindergarten cause he doesn’t have to take a nap anymore. It does get easier reasoning with them as they get older, you just have to make it through this rough patch!! 🙂

[Anonymous]

As long as you have her in a centre that you’re confident is a good place, then you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself. They certainly do know what to say to tug at our heartstrings. Today Hailey was invited to a birthday party, that was said to be drop off on the invitation (her first drop off), so that’s what I did. I left the cell number for emergencies and dropped her off. When I picked her up, she was standing outside with another mom waiting for me, even though I came 5 minutes early. Then she said “You were the only mom that didn’t stay, and I was so sad. “

Erica, for what it’s worth, Sarah has a blue bear that she’s always been very attached to. At it’s peak, she was carrying one all around the house with her. She even had one in the car. She’s almost 6 and still carries him around with her and can’t sleep without him. She rubs his ears. I told the ped about it and he said that he thinks it’s a sign of intelligence and emotional intelligence… ha… I think it’s because he told me that he carried a blanket with him until he was 8! We’ve sometimes joked that ratty old blue bear will be Sarah’s “something old, and something blue” on the day she gets married!

[Anonymous]

LOL Lori the “something blue”! DH just has some manly hangup about boys carrying “blankets” or needing something to sleep with. Apparently I said sometime “it’s not like he’s going to take it to kindergarten” and he remembers that. Well, now it’s kindergarten and the teacher said they could bring a favorite sleep item the first day! I guess I’ll eat my words again!

[Anonymous]

The daycare provider doesn’t let any kids bring anything from home. Her explanation is “I try to avoid any conflict between kids in case they show interest in the other’s items”. I’m not very happy with it b/c I think she’d be much more comfortable if she had something from home. Yesterday and today were not easy 🙁 I was hoping that week two will not be as hard and it is! (if not worse) Every morning she cries that she doesn’t want to go and finds any excuse not to go (ex, mommy, I want to eat, I want to pee, etc, etc). This morning she asked DH to drop her off so I was happy about that since I didn’t have to see the tears (that might sound terrible).

Lori, you made me laugh with the blue, old bear. That’s what I call planning ahead! 😉

[Anonymous]

That sucks! I know that our daycare says blankets, pacifiers (with older kids), stuffed animals, etc are for sleep time and can’t be carried around constantly and they really do stick to that rule. But I would think that if she would be comforted by that it would make things easier even for the provider?!?

[Anonymous]

Erica, that’s what I thought. Wouldn’t that make your life easier??? She’s a very “interesting” individual. I like her in general but some things make me go “hmmm”…

[Anonymous]

of course a child is going to show interest in someone elses stuff—what does she expect?????

lori, sounds like you were the only “normal” mom there. i can’t believe ALL the other mothers stayed at the birthday party!!!!!!

[Author]

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